Distant Hope 6

“How was your night?” Bea asked the next morning.

            “Fine.”

            It was a lie. After Jedidiah left her, she’d laid in bed thinking about his promise and everything he’d made her felt. She’d tossed and turned, remembering how his lips had burned hers. His threat was something she’d never give in to, but last night, she was close to giving in because every part of her ached for his touch. If he wanted to make her miserable, he’d succeeded. But this morning when she woke, she decided she wasn’t going to let him win. She was going to make him pay for what he did to her last night.

            “Hopefully you and Jedidiah had a good talk,” Bea was saying.

            Anna cleared her throat and cracked three eggs into the bowl. “We did.”

            Bea was sitting at the table watching her. “Really? Your answers are quite short this morning.”

            Grabbing the whisk and bowl, Anna turned to face her aunt, and began whisking. “What do you want me to say? We had our talk and now we’re fine.”

            “Really? Is that why you’re whisking an empty bowl while the eggs are sitting there?”

            Anna looked down at her hands and realized her aunt was right. She slammed the bowl down on the counter and ran a hand through her hair. Without another word, she walked outside to the morning air and inhaled deeply. She sat down and put her head in her lap. She took a few deep breaths feeling her heart race. She looked up when she felt a hand on her arm. When she looked up she stared into the eyes of Jedidiah and stood up so fast the top of her head hit his chin. He rubbed his chin while she gulped down embarrassment.

            “What are you doing here?” she asked.

            “Good morning to you too,” he said.

            She stood up and crossed her arms, not allowing him to know that she’d tossed and turned all night long, thinking of his kiss. “What are you doing here?”

            “Please don’t tell me you’re still upset about last night?” he asked.

            She scoffed, hoping her eyes could lie as well as her tongue. “Of course not. You’re not that hard to get over.”

            Seeing that her words took effect on him, she smiled and turned to go back in. He grabbed her arm and pulled her around, crushing her against his chest. She stared into his eyes as he leaned in. She saw what he was planning to do, but fought him off too late and their lips met. When she felt his lips again, everything stirred from within. This was what she’d wanted last night over and over when he’d walked away from her. He’d kept her up wondering what would have happened if they had made love. Would he be gentle or would he be rough? Would his hands be as soft as silk? When he pulled away from her, she was breathing hard and she felt unstable as he slowly let his fingers slide down her arms.

            “Tell me you can get over that,” he said.

            She swallowed hard and opened her mouth to argue when she heard Lizzie’s laugh and then saw her walking with her grandmother. Anna pulled away from him just as Lizzie let her grandmother’s hand go and fled toward Anna.

            “Good morning!” Lizzie yelled.

            Smiling, Anna replied, “Good morning. What are you up to this fine day?”

            “I’m going to go berry picking with my grandmother. My dad is going fishing. Are you going with him?”

            Before she could respond, Jedidiah grabbed her arm and pulled her close. “Of course she is! Anna here is a professional at fishing.”

            “What?” Anna asked shocked.

            Jedidiah raised his eyebrows and dared her to argue. She bit her lip and swallowed hard while nodding her head. Lizzie laughed and planted her hands on her hips, cocking her head to one side.

            “Can you beat me?” she asked with a silly grin.

            Anna couldn’t help, but laugh. “No, I can’t.”

            Lizzie’s smile brightened. “Thought so. Have fun!”

            She hurried off to her grandmother and Anna looked up at Jedidiah’s smiling eyes. She took a deep breath, turned, and walked into the house. But as she neared the kitchen, she saw Bea’s eyes light up and saw her gaze connecting with Jedidiah’s. She turned around and found him behind her with a grin.

            “Good morning Jedidiah, how are you?” Bea asked.

            “I’m doing great. How are you?”

            “It’s not raining,” she replied.

            Anna frowned. “What are you doing here? I thought our conversation was over.”

            “You forgot you’re going fishing with me.”

            “No, I am not. That was just for Lizzie’s ears.”

            He crossed his arms, amazed. “So you lied to my daughter?”

            She opened her mouth and then closed it immediately. “I’m not going fishing with you.”

            “Go on!” Bea said. “It’s a nice day for fishing. If I remember correctly, you two were good at bringing home fishes. I’m aching to see if you’ve still got that talent. Go on.”

           

            Anna found herself soaking up the afternoon sun on Jedidiah’s canoe as the two sat across from each other on the small lake. Their fishing poles settled between them with the line in the water. She was trying to focus on what could be eating her line instead of Jedidiah’s perfectly chiseled chest. It had gotten extremely hot and he ended up taking his shirt off. Now he sat half naked in front of her and she was sweating. It wasn’t from the sun. She sighed deeply and cupped a handful of water and splashed it on her neck. The cool water drizzled down the v between her breasts and she inhaled deeply. That felt good, she thought, as she closed her eyes and leaned back.

            “When was the last time we went fishing like this?” Jedidiah asked.

            Without opening her eyes, she replied, “A long time ago.”

            He laughed. “That sounds about right.”

            The next moments happened in a blur because it happened so fast she had no time to react. First, Jedidiah shouted for her to get her pole; she had a bite. When she opened her eyes, she accidentally grabbed his pole instead of hers and when he reached over to grab hers, the canoe tipped over. The two of them went underwater and she took a large gulp before she came up for air sputtering like a dying engine. Coughing and her lungs near bursting, she found Jedidiah bobbing up beside her.

            “What the hell?” he cried.

            “I’m sorry! I panicked.”

            “Panicked? You act as if you’ve never gone fishing before.”

            “It’s been a long time. I’m rusty.”

            “Help me turn this canoe over.”

            She swam over and helped him turn the canoe over to find their fishing poles were gone. Once they got the canoe upright again, Jedidiah swam to get the paddles which were floating a few feet away. When they got back in, she lowered her eyes, afraid to meet his eyes. And just like that the sky darkened when it had been so sunny before. Once she heard the thunder roar, she knew today had to be the worst day of her life.

            “Let’s get out of here,” Jedidiah said.

            “That’s the best idea yet.”

            As they began paddling toward shore, the sky began to rain. Once they made it to shore and Jedidiah had tied the canoe back on his truck, she walked around him to go to the passenger side when he grabbed her arm and spun her around.

            “I can see right through your shirt,” he said.

            She looked down and when she looked up at him, he captured her lips. The feeling of paradise exploded within her and she didn’t argue when he pushed her inside the truck, fighting her shirt off of her. She ran her hands down his back and felt his skin beneath her fingertips. When she opened her mouth to take him all in, he groaned and fought the buttons on her shorts.

            “I hate to do this here, but all afternoon long, I just couldn’t get you off of my mind,” he said as he pushed her down onto the seat.

            “I was up all night thinking about you.”

            “Good, that’s how I want it to be.”

 

            The rain had stopped as Anna lay against Jedidiah watching the sky begin to darken. Their lovemaking was amazing and she felt the tingles everywhere. She placed her hand on his chest and when she looked up, he was staring at her.

            “You realize this changes everything between us?” she asked.

            He laughed and held her closer. “I’ve wanted to hear that since I began to realize I loved you in a way friends shouldn’t feel.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me you loved?”

            He tightened his arms. “Would you have listened?”
            She thought about it. “I don’t know. Maybe not.”

            “Exactly.”

            They were quiet for a moment and when Jedidiah spoke again, she could hear the emotions he tried to strain. “When I heard you married Jake, I went blind with anger. Every time I thought about him taking what was rightfully mine, it drove me into a deeper hole. Do you know the feeling of being held under water and you feel as if your lungs are about to burst open?”

            She nodded.

            “That’s what I went through when I heard you took his last name. I just wanted to hurt something until it hurt as bad as me.”

            She pushed herself up, her hair falling over her shoulder. “Jedidiah, I married him because I thought I loved him. At that point in my life, I thought love was what I felt for Jake. Now I don’t think I ever really knew what it was.”

            He lifted a finger and pushed her hair strands away. “Of course not. If you think you knew what love was, you’ve been in the wrong boat all along. What you felt before wasn’t anything but love in disguise.”

            She leaned down and their lips touched lightly. He rubbed his nose against hers and inhaled her scent. “Will you tell me about Lizzie’s mother?”

            He stilled and then he swallowed. “There’s nothing to tell. No matter what anyone says, Lizzie is my daughter. It doesn’t have to be my blood in her veins. I bathed her, clothed, and fed her. She’s mine. That’s all that matters.”

            “What will you do if her mother should come back into Lizzie’s life?”

            “Why don’t you ask me what you really want to know?”

            She looked away and tried to move away. He grabbed her and spun her around. She stared at his darkening eyes and suddenly felt shy naked around him. When she tried to move again, he got up and gripped her shoulders.

            “Anna, ask me.”

            She sighed. “Will you let her back into your life should she return?”

            He shook his head. “No. Not in a million years.”

            “Why? She’s Lizzie’s mother.”

            “She’s Lizzie’s mother, yes, but that’s all she is. She’s not my woman and she never will be. The woman I want is in my hands right now.”

            “How can I trust you? How can I trust that you won’t leave me behind like Jake? How can I trust my heart that it won’t break a second time? I don’t think I could make it if you were to break me in two.”

            Tears filled her eyes and she looked away as they fell down her cheeks. He turned her around and used his thumb to wipe her tears away. Pulling her closer to him, he kissed her lips gently. When he pulled away, he cupped her chin.

            “You don’t have to worry about anything, Anna. I have always loved you and I always will. Nothing, do you hear me, nothing will stop me from loving you. I never up what I love most.”

            A sob tore at her throat and she threw her arms around him. “Why didn’t you tell me you loved me? You could have saved me this heart ache? You could have saved me from shedding these tears. Why? Why?!”

            He pulled away from her. “If it takes me a lifetime to make it up to you, that’s what I’ll do.”