Get Into Houa's Mind

It's September! Wow! I felt as if the year had just begun and now it's already almost to the new year of 2018. So much has happened and as much as I try to gather together myself, I am still awed at how fast life can be. I am currently back in school going for my AA in Project Management. I'm enjoying the classes so far. I am almost to the final exam of my second class and I'm doing well. I decided that if I really want to take my business to the next level, I must find it within myself to get the right education to help me move along the path. And returning to school was my only option to get to where I want to be. I have no regrets. I'm currently 32 weeks along and today I have my final ultrasound to see my baby girl. I'm super excited and I can't wait until she's in my arms. I didn't realize how strong my baby fever was until this past weekend at a birthday party and I held another small baby (3 months) in my arms. I missed the entire feeling an

Karina, my eldest, graduated from high school last Friday, on my birthday too. As I watched her walk across the stage to receive her diploma, I felt such a sense of accomplishment, not only for her, but for me and my husband too. For 18 years, we supported, guided, and nurtured her in her education to become a graduate of high school. I felt a little bit emotional as I watched her because this meant, she was really going to fly away from the nest. I now have a graduate living in my house and as the new school year will arrive, I will have two young sons going one grade higher and two more preparing for school. I will also be delivering my sixth child into this world. For a long time, I had given up on the fact that I may just have an only child. It was hard for me and I gave up having more than one. But the Gods blessed me and I now am going to be a mother of six, the number of kids I so wanted. Life is full of struggles. I'm always struggling to make ends meet, but at least I

I'm hitting the 3 month mark and I'm still feeling the first trimester exhaustion, morning sickness, and mood changes. I'm truly blessed that I'm expecting again and I can't wait to see my body change to fit the life growing inside of me. I take a look at my children and am thankful for them each and every day. Yes, for the past 8 years, I've been doing diaper changes, bottle washing, and a child on my hip at all times. But I wouldn't change it for anything. I remembered once in a time where I thought I would never have another child. I yearned for it, I cried for it, and I prayed and prayed. I am sending all couples who are struggling with infertility this hope to never give up. I hope that you will one day be carrying a child too.

March is almost gone and April is approaching. Can you believe in two more months, it'll be halfway through 2017? Didn't it seem like we just celebrated new years? I sure felt like it was. This year is another year growing older for me and the first birthday and mother's day where I face without my mother. But I've come to learn that she's always with me if I truly believe she is. So in another word, it'll be the first birthday and mother's day where I will spend it with her spiritually. I know she's here...in her own way. Houa Production is kicking off strong this year. We are halfway through filming our second feature length film and just released our first short film titled Ob Txiv Tub, which got major hits and raves. I'm super excited and I can't wait to see what else is in store. On another note, did I mention that I started dancing again? Yeah! After a 20 year absence from the dance floor, our line dance team is burning the floor. It st

It's been four months since my mother passed and I've been struggling emotionally, mentally, and physically to pull myself together. Anyone who has lost a parent will tell you how difficult it is to try to move forward. It's exhausting. There are days where you want to just throw in the white towel. I remembered I told myself that I would be strong and try to not let anything break me apart. And then I remembered breaking apart. It felt good to just let go and break. For a while there, I was doing good. I was getting things done, I was smiling and having a normal life with friends and families. Then I began to feel drained, physically drained to the point where I almost fainted. I thought, this is me working too hard. This is my body giving up and my body telling me I need to slow down. So I slowed down, but it didn't work. I just grew more tired until I decided something was cooking up...inside of me. I remember seeing those two lines staring back at me and the fir

Each layer peeled away reveals something hidden beneath that no one wants to be seen. It hurts and it still bleeds carelessly. Sometimes at the end of the day, you sit down and you wonder to yourself if it will ever heal. You stitch it and hope it will heal, leaving just a scar for a memory. Some days, it doesn't bother you. Others, it is like a ghost phantom that troubles you without end. Letting go is one of the hardest things we can do. We hang onto something so small and let it grow and grow until it becomes something so large that it owns us. We back away into the corner and become defenseless as it takes control. It eats at us until we're nearly perished, leaving only a faint beating heart. And only when we're hanging on by a thread do we find the little strength we have left to fight. It starts with forgiveness; with yourself and others. But you must first overcome your own demons and forgive you. Otherwise you'll be walking in a dark shadow forever. It&

Not far down the road sits a farm with tall cornfields There is a house with blue shutters and a broken down front porch An overgrown bush of dead roses sits waiting to be saved The yellow dried grass speaks volumes of abuse There, inside the house lives an old man who sits on his tractor He wears an old flannel shirt with torn overalls His white hair glistens in the hot sun Along with sad hollow eyes, all that proves he’s living Is the pulse that beats softly inside his wrists Each day he watches as his corn stalks grow another inch Every afternoon he wanders through the high fields And wishes he could take back what he did Each day he cries a river of tears that could drown his own crops But no one comes to visit him and he’s dying He lives in silence with his regrets and his choices When night falls and a heavy cloak of stars decorate the sky He sits silently on his broken chair with his glass of wine And he drowns himself into a forgotten t

Dear Frank, I am sitting here by the lantern writing to you as mother sleeps soundly in the next room. I can hear my little sister coughing in her room and I remind myself to make her some cough syrup in the morning. It is dark and everyone is sleeping, but me. I am awake because I long for your arms around me. I miss the sound of my name on your lips. I miss your lingering kisses that leave me wanting more. I miss the way how you touch me when you hold me. I can’t help, but be robbed of sleep as I think of you. It’s been six months since you’ve left me for the war and I fear I go insane each day when I think of you over there fighting. I pray each day that you will make it back to your tent where you will light your lantern and write me a letter. I pray that each time you go out to fight, bullets run past you and that you will come home to me. Winter has settled upon our small town of New Ulm and with a freezing frame of an everlasting white powder. Each time I go out, I am

As you all know, I'm a huge fan of the 50 Shades series. When I heard that it was going to take a whole year before Darker came out, I was impatient. But then last night, I went out with my husband to watch it. Let me say, I am deeply satisfied with it. It's entirety is extremely seductive to the point w here I found myself deeply sucked into the film. The pages reeked of sex, submission, and love. When it came onscreen, I found the invitation to be all that and more. It unfolded to me a totally different story than the words I read before my eyes. It became a magnetic pull that drew me into its life so deep, I became lost. The story is so beautifully adapted by director James Foley and made into a world of darkness that dares to threaten our very sanity. Just imagine winning the heart of the one man who couldn't bear to be touched. His pain, his world of tragic, and his inability to be with anyone, overcome by one single woman who had the power to make him want mor

Niam, Kuv xa lub moo nrhiav koj xub ntiag tuaj seb puas pom koj qhov twg. Tau ntev heev lawm uas koj lub suab hais lus ntsiag to. Tau ntev heev lawm uas kuv xam qhov twg los tsis pom koj. Es koj mus nyob li cas lawm? Puas tseem nco txog koj cov me nyuam ua ntsuag? Kuv niaj hnub saib koj tej me duab tau thaij tseg ua dab muag. Haus koj ob lub qhov muag, kuv rov pom kuv tus kheej. Kuv saib zaum twg los zoo li kuv lub kua muag poob yam tsis paub ntsiag. Ib pliag xwb kuv lub suab twb hloov mus ua suab nyiav. Puas muaj hnub kuv yuav saib tau koj duab es txhob mob kuv siab?  Niam, txij thaum koj ncaim tseg kuv cia, zoo tam li lub hnub ploj mus. Kuv xam qhov twg los tsis muaj txoj hauv ke tawm. Kuv tseem nco ntsoov thaum lub sij hawm koj yuav tso kuv tseg, koj zoo li cas. Koj tej me taws  me tes tseem so sov. Koj lub hauv siab kub lug uas rau kuv quaj tsis paub tag. Zaum kawg uas koj tseem ua txoj pas, kuv hais rau koj tias, yog koj ncaim kuv mus no ces, thov koj txhob ncaim siab. Nco

The sun never fails to rise. No matter what happened the previous day, it will rise again. There are days where I feel as if my own sun won't rise. But I see how much I've traveled and the pain that persists fades. I don't think I will ever fully look at another sunrise without thinking of my  mother. She's there, constantly, and it keeps me safe at times because it makes me feel as if she's really watching me. But there are also times where it haunts me. Because I know for certain that shes' never coming back. I've loved only one man in my life, my husband, and I've been with him only. He's the one who captured my soul from day one and has held it in his hands. When I am weak, I  turn to him. Some might think this makes me dependent, but honestly, he's taught me so much about being different. He makes sure I don't rely solely on him. I do so much for everyone, but he's the one who makes sure I still have time for me. At the end of

Nqa koj hauv plab tau ncuaj lub hli, hnov koj tej me tes me taws tuam kuv. Koj ib leeg thiab paub tias kuv lub siab dhia li cas. Koj nrog kuv koom kuv tej ntshav, noj zaub mov ntawm kuv ncauj loj hlob. Hnub yug tau koj, hnov koj suab quaj nrov thoob ntiaj teb, ua rau kuv lub siab mam tawg, paub kev hlub rau me nyuam zoo li cas tiag.           Koj loj hlob tuaj, zoo nkauj zuj zus, kuv lub siab twb muaj qhov ntshai tias tsam ib pliag koj yuav ncaim kuv mus ua koj lub neej. Vim tias koj yog kuv tus me ntxhais yug los mus koom luag li neeg. Kuv lub plab nqa koj los yug tiam si koj lub ncauj yuav mus hu luag ua koj niam thiab koj txiv.           Txawv tiam tej thaum wb hais lus tsis sib haum los kuv ua twj ywm xav tias cia kav liam. Vim thaum ub kuv los yeej nrog kuv niam sib cav ib yam nkaus. Kuv saib koj loj hlob tuaj kuv thov lub ntuj lub teb kom tsis txhob muaj ib tug los ua koj poob kua muag. Tsuas xav thov kom koj muaj kev zoo.           Hnub luag muab txoj siv ceeb rau ku

Niam, Twb tau ob lub hli uas koj ncaim kuv mus rau ib qhov chaw uas kuv mus tsis txog. Koj puas paub tias koj tus ntxhais ntsuag nos no quaj thiab nco koj npaum twg? Hnub dhau hnub, kuv lam nrog tej phooj ywg laug xwb, tab si, nyob hauv kuv lub siab, muaj ib tug kab mob loj tshaj plaws. Tus kab mob no ua rau kuv quaj yam tsis paub tsum, nyiav yam tsis txawj tag, thiab nco yam li kuv tsis tau paub nco dua. Yog kuv ua tau, ntshe kuv yuav tuaj cuag kom tau koj ib zaug, hnov koj lub suab luag kom kuv siab kaj. Luag ib txwv tias leej niam lub xub  ntiag yog me nyuam qhov chaw ntshaw. Kuv tseem ntshaw koj xub ntiag los kuv yuav tau ua ib siab uv lawm xwb. Kuv txawv ntshaw koj txhais tes plhws kuv taub haus los kuv yuav tau ua ib siab quaj twj ywm. Sim neej no, yuav ua cas nco koj mus txog hnub twg?

It's been two months since my life turned upside down; two months since I have been left feeling broken. In a way, I still am, trying to find where I left myself. Around my friends and families, I'm always smiling, joking, and working. But when I'm alone, the truth sinks in and it leaves a rancid taste in my mouth. I'm left feeling alone. I hate it because there's nothing no one can do about it. As much as I try, I'm still feeling an utter lost and bitterness about everything. Among the whispers that I hear when the night falls, I keep hearing the last sound of my mother's heartbeat. I can hear it, thumping, inside of me, hammering against my rib cage, like an endless pounding. I feel it in my soul where it haunts me just like her single last tear drop. And I'm always stuck roaming, roaming to find peace in this ugly world. I have seen the ugliness and I hate it. I loathe how it makes me feel and there are times where I don't know what to do.

It's been a tough few months for me. I haven't been the same since my mom died and I've really taken a step back to evaluate my life. I find I'm not doing all I can to push myself. I am lacking in certain areas and with the absence of my mom, I'm finding that things are really spiraling into darkness, if I don't hold on. I keep thinking back to the moment she looked at me, right before she died, when one single tear dropped from her eye, and I wonder to myself what went through her mind. Although I dream of her and she's happy and free, that last moment still replays itself in my mind. It haunts me. I'm beginning a new project now and have decided to make everything new, starting over, with new views, with no beginnings, and no regrets. Regretting is what my mother wished she didn't want have but ended up owning. So I'm going to do as she set out to do and live without regrets. To be honest, all the letters from my friends and families ha