The Joys of Life

It's been four months since my mother passed and I've been struggling emotionally, mentally, and physically to pull myself together. Anyone who has lost a parent will tell you how difficult it is to try to move forward. It's exhausting. There are days where you want to just throw in the white towel. I remembered I told myself that I would be strong and try to not let anything break me apart. And then I remembered breaking apart. It felt good to just let go and break.

For a while there, I was doing good. I was getting things done, I was smiling and having a normal life with friends and families. Then I began to feel drained, physically drained to the point where I almost fainted. I thought, this is me working too hard. This is my body giving up and my body telling me I need to slow down. So I slowed down, but it didn't work. I just grew more tired until I decided something was cooking up...inside of me.

I remember seeing those two lines staring back at me and the first thing I thought of was calling my mother. With my past five pregnancies, I always called her and she was so happy to hear my news. As I reached for the phone, I realized, she wasn't there to listen to me. Then something hit me like a train. This blessing was my mom. It was from my mom. So when I told my dear sister, Sandy, she sent me a message back saying, "God is good, Mom is good. Be in peace." I knew she thought the same thing as me. I stood in the bathroom crying until I felt I was going to faint. Then I dialed up my husband's number and I told him the news while trying not to cry. I could hear his smile as he said, "This is Mom. Don't cry anymore. She's here with you." That was all I needed to hear.