The Color of Roses

            The sky was pouring rain as Beth Taylor hurried into the store. She entered the store and took a deep breath as she looked outside. She ran a hand through her brown strands and wiped the rain from her face. She shook the drops of water from her sweater and looked up at the cashier, who was smiling at her.

            “That was so unexpected,” Beth said.

            She nodded. “I know; I was surprised.”

            Beth walked through the store, touching the beautiful blouses on the rack, and headed toward the clearance section. She pushed her purse strap up her arm and cleared her throat. Ann Taylor’s had a nice selection of outfits, even if it was too expensive. Beth took a pin stripe suit off the rack and walked to the mirror. She held it up in front of her and examined herself. It had been a long while since she’d indulged on herself. She smiled at the reflection, liking the way how it looked. She heard the door open and the bell indicating someone had entered was heard throughout the store. She continued admiring her reflection, wondering if she should buy it.

            “You look great.”

            Beth turned around and the suit dropped from her hands. She gasped and her breath caught in her throat. She coughed, blinked a few times, and tried hard to believe she was sure what she was seeing.

            “You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said.

            Beth let out a breath, bent down to pick up the suit, and smiled. “Gosh, Roger, it’s been a long time.”

            Roger Tritt smiled at her and his brown eyes danced. His dark hair was longer than she remembered. The ends were curly and he was dressed in jeans, a white shirt, and a brown sports blazer. His shoulders were the same broad ones that she’d used to lay her head on at night. She swallowed down the lump and found her breath was shallow. What was he doing here? She hadn’t seen him in so long. But she had never stopped thinking about him. Even in this moment, what she truly wanted to do was put her arms around him and inhale his scent. Did he still smell the same? Or would he be wearing a new fragrant?  Her hand flew to her chest as if doing so could stop her pounding heart. But instead, his eyes fell to the large diamond on her hand.

            “You’re engaged,” Roger said.

            She lowered her hand and smiled. “Yes, I am.”

            “Anyone I know?”

            Beth didn’t smile. “His name is Brad.”

            He laughed. “Oh, Brad Pitt? I heard he was leaving Angelina Jolie. Are you the other woman?”

             This time, Beth laughed. “Not in a million years, Roger. He’s my own Brad.”

            “That makes it better, really. He’s a lucky guy. When is the wedding?”

            She stared at her ring. “We haven’t set a date yet. But consider this an invitation. What are you doing in here?”

            He looked around and then returned his gaze to her. “I saw you come in. I followed.”

            She swallowed and felt her hands began to shake. He looked away from her and she knew the conversation had died. Beth took a deep breath and somehow, she didn’t want this to end. She took a step forward, hung the suit back on the rack, and crossed her arms.

            “Um…so you’re back in town?” she asked.

            He shook his head. “No, I’m in town for a lecture.”

            “Oh, that’s right, the famous author. I read your book.”

            “You did?” he asked with a little bit of shock to his tone. “I didn’t think you were the type for finances.”

            “Neither did I, but I read it because you wrote it.”

            He raised both his hands. “That makes me feel so much better. Thank you. I’ll take that as my cue to go. It was nice seeing you.”

            “No, wait,” Beth said as he started walking away from her. “Don’t go yet. It was really nice seeing you too, Roger. It’s just that, I’m a little shocked, that’s all. The last time we met was under different circumstances.”

            He nodded his head. Then he gave her a soft look, the kind that would melt any woman to the floor. “That’s right, Beth. Because back then, you were mine and I was the one who was going to put a ring on your finger.”

            Beth lowered her head and sighed. “Thanks for bringing that up.”

            He laughed. “Did you think I’d forgotten?”

            She looked up at him again. “Of course not, Roger. It took me a long time to get over it too. But I can see it won’t make any difference to you.”

            “No, it doesn’t. I’m staying at the Marriot by the mall. Call me if you want, but I won’t be holding my breath,” he said and then he left.

            Beth watched him run to his car in the pouring rain and she felt tears enter her eyes. She looked up to find the cashier staring at her. Her eyes were wide and asking thousands of questions.

            “He’s an old friend,” Beth explained.

            “What happened?” she asked.

            Beth sighed “I broke his heart.”

            Beth parked her car in front of her house and sighed. It was an interesting day today. Seeing Roger after four years was something she didn’t expect. The other interesting thing was how she had reacted to seeing him. She thought she would feel nothing when she saw him again. Wrong, she was so wrong. She felt hot blazing fire in her body from head to toe. And that smile, God, that smile he gave her today reminded her of happier times.

            Beth got out of her car and walked up the stairs to the front door. She opened the door, walked in, and shut it. It was hard to face the day now when she kept thinking about him. She set her purse down and flopped down on the couch. Tears filled her eyes and she dug the heels of her hands into her eyes.

            “Get over it, Beth. You are going to get married!” she cried.

            The phone rang and she jumped up. With her heart pounding, she walked over and answered. “Hello.”

            “Hey, baby, how was your day?”

            She smiled at the sound of Brad’s voice. She let out a deep breath and sat down. “So much better now that you’ve called. When are you going to be home?”

            “Not in a few hours. I’m stuck in a lame ass meeting. I guess I’ll be late. Wait up for me?” he asked.

            “Sure, of course, honey.”

            “What’s wrong? You sound sad.”

            She took a deep breath. “I ran into an old friend today.”

            “Who?”          

            She thought for a long time before she answered. “Roger.”

            “Roger? As in Roger Tritt, the man you couldn’t get over?”

            Beth bit her lips and knew she should have kept quiet. “Look, it’s been over for ages, okay? He’s not someone I want anymore. Might I remind you I’m wearing your ring?”

            “I know, but it’s…it took forever for me to get you to go out with me. I guess I’m feeling a little bit insecure.”

            “Don’t, okay? I love you more than anything. Don’t stay out too late, okay?

            “Sure. I’ll see you later, baby.”

            Beth hung up the phone and rubbed her eyes. So much for not feeling anything, her mind was now going through two years of data that included nothing, but Roger. She shook her hands and decided the only way to get him off her mind was to busy herself. She walked to her bedroom, peeled off her clothes, and pulled on some old jeans and a shirt. It was the perfect time to finish painting the extra room. She walked downstairs and gathered up the painting supplies and brushes, took them back upstairs, and got to work.

            Beth woke to the sound of someone knocking at her door. She stirred, got up, and stumbled to the door. She pulled it open and Brad Townsend stood there with a dozen roses. She smiled and wrapped her arms around him.

            “Oh, honey, you’re here,” she said as she pulled him inside. She took the roses and set them aside.

            “I was having trouble locating the key in the dark; figured you’d still be up,” he said as he stared at her with wide eyes.

            “What?” she asked confused.

            He laughed and walked to her. He picked up a strand of her dark hair and stared at it. “Were you painting or something?”

            She looked at the strand he held in his hand and realized it was covered in green paint. She gasped and laughed. She backed up and ran a hand through her hair. “Oh, I was just painting that extra room. I guess I was working harder than I thought. What time is it?”

            Brad looked at his watch and then back at her. “It’s close to eleven. Why are you painting now?”

            Beth laughed. “You know me. I’m unpredictable. I’m going to wash up. Dinner is in the oven.”

            After Beth showered, she walked into the room she had been working on and saw Brad standing in the middle of the room. He turned to look at her with his blue eyes and she smiled. He walked to her and wrapped his arms around her.

            “You’re going to paint the room green?” he asked.

            She shrugged. “I was trying different colors. I think green is a suitable color, don’t you think?”

            “Not for a nursery.”

            Beth paused and turned to look at him. He was smiling down at her. She pulled herself away from his arms and walked to stand by the door. “What are you talking about?”

            Brad shrugged and crossed his arms. “I thought you were going to reserve this room for a nursery.”

            She laughed. “When did I say that? I don’t recall saying that.”

            “You told me when we bought this house that you were going to save this room for a nursery. Why are you going to paint it green?”

            Beth thought for a moment and looked at his face for some sort of sign that he was joking. But the look on his face was serious. “Brad, we haven’t even talked about the possibility of children yet.”

            “I know that, honey. But we’re going to have children some day. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want a green room.”

            Beth laughed and had to remind herself to stay calm. “Brad, the children aren’t going to be here tomorrow. And when they do come, we can always change it. It’s not that difficult to change. It’s just paint. I don’t see why we have to paint it now when there are no children here. It’s a waste of space.”

            He gave her a hard stare. Then he walked past her and out of the room. Beth turned and followed him out. She found him pulling on his jacket and she threw her hands up in the air.

            “Brad, you can’t go running away every time we have an argument,” she said.

            “I’m not running away, Beth. I’m leaving here before I blow up and do something I regret,” he said with a low voice.

            Beth raised her eyebrows. “Oh, like hit me?”

            He looked up at her. “Exactly.” Then he was gone.

            Beth sank to the ground and covered her face. She once said the room was going to look cute as a nursery, but he had taken it to heart. He came from a small family and wanted a large family of his own. Beth understood that, but what she didn’t understand was why he was upset about this conversation. Sure, they could paint it any color, when she was pregnant, they could change the color. Not that difficult, right? Obviously to him, it was a huge problem.

            Beth walked to the photo shoot the next morning and sighed. She was a photographer and today, the set was shooting expectant mothers in new designs by Taylor Brooks. She set her things down and immediately, her assistant, Penny McCloud came running to her.

            “You’re here! Okay, look, I was just going through the models and I realized that we’re one male model short,” Penny said.

            Beth turned to her and her face paled. “What?”

            “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to tell you.”

            Beth sighed deeply and turned around to find a male worker, handing out drinks. She smiled, walked over to him, and took the tray of water away from him. He was stunned as she pulled him toward the shoot.

            “Beth, do you know what you’re doing?” Penny asked as she hurried after her.

            Beth set the photo shoots in front of her boss, Gabe Javinsky, to look over. He was fifty-four years old, twice married, and twice divorced. He had two children from his first marriage and the two daughters came in once in awhile to check up on things. Gabe was from France and he still spoke with such a heavy accent, sometimes it was hard to understand what he was saying. He had dark black hair, a thick beard that covered his entire face, and dark eyes that were easy to fall into.

            “I like it,” Gabe said as he pushed the photos back to her. “The customers will enjoy it very much. You are very good, Beth.”

            Beth smiled. “I’m the best you have, Gabe, I have to be good. Or else we’ll both be starving.”

            He laughed. “By the way, has your man set a date yet?”

            She sighed and leaned back in her chair. She kicked off her black pumps and got comfortable. Whenever Gabe started a conversation like this, she knew it was going to be a long one. Beth rubbed her neck and gave him a long stare.

            “I’m not sure when he’ll set the date. I’m kind of…in a weird mood,” she whispered.

            Gabe leaned forward. “Tell me, ma Cherie. I may be your boss, but I am an excellent listener.”

            “Well, last night I decided to paint the extra room in our house. I once said it would look great as a nursery. But until the children came, I was going to use it as an office or something. So I choose the color green. Brad came home and said green wasn’t the ideal color for a nursery. He acted as if we were going to have kids tomorrow. When I tried to stand up for myself, he got upset, and left because he was afraid if he stayed, he was going to hit me.”

            Gabe gasped and covered his mouth with his hand. “Merde. Has he ever hit you before?”

            Beth felt tears fill her eyes and she shook her head. “No, he’s never hit me before. But the look in his eyes was so serious. It was as if for an instant, I didn’t know who he was anymore. I don’t know, I’m just feeling a little weird today.”

            “I understand, darling. Here’s what you do. You go home and you work it out. I think Brad is a wonderful man and you know you have winner when he brings home gifts.”

            Beth smiled. “You’re incredible, Gabe. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

            Beth entered the house and was met with the smell of fried chicken. Obviously, he wasn’t working late tonight. Brad worked in sales at a large marketing firm. Clients contacted his company and he sold the products for them. Since they met three years ago, he had been working his way up to being management. Beth couldn’t wait until the day when it came true.

            “Brad?” Beth called out as she set her purse down. She looked around the living room and then walked into the kitchen. He was standing by the stove, stirring something. He turned and glanced once at her and without saying a word, continued stirring.

            Beth crossed her arms. “Are you going to avoid me?”

            He reached over, turned the stove off, and turned to look at her. “No, I’m not avoiding. In fact, I think we should sit down and talk.”

            “Good. What are you making?”

            “Your favorite.”

            When the table was set, Beth sat down at her end of the table while he took his end. She removed the napkin, placed it into her lap, and reached for some chicken. She took a bite and washed it down with some soda. She glanced up and saw Brad eating quietly. It was odd, this silence between them. Usually, they spent their time talking about their days and joking around. Tonight, you could probably hear a pin drop if you listened hard enough.

            “So…how was your day?” Beth asked after a long moment of silence.

            He shrugged, chewed, and then answered. “The same as always, Beth, you know my days by now.”

            She dropped the chicken leg on her plate loudly and he stopped chewing. She wiped her hands and mouth on the napkin and pushed her chair back. “What is your problem? We had one disagreement about a stupid room and you’re acting as if I went out and slept with the Trojan army.”

            Brad set his chicken breast aside, wiped his mouth and hands, and looked up. “Now that you mention it, did you sleep with the Trojan army?”       

            Beth stood up and walked away from him. “Brad, you’re insufferable. Why won’t you just talk to me?”  

            He stood up and walked to her. “I am talking, but since you don’t shut up, when would I ever get a chance to talk?”

            Beth gasped and tears filled her eyes. She took several steps back and watched as a sad expression came over him.

            “I’m sorry; that came out wrong,” he said.

            Beth walked around him, grabbed her purse, and walked out the door. She got into her car and drove off, while he stood by the door watching her go. She felt tears run down her face and a loud sob tore from her heart. She wiped her eyes as she whipped down the highway. Somehow she ended up at the Marriot hotel where Roger said he was going to be staying. When she realized where she was, she let out another sob and leaned her head against the steering wheel.

            The tapping against the window stirred her and when she looked up, Roger was standing outside her car. She looked away from him and lowered her window.

            “Hi,” she said through tears.

            He looked concerned as he lowered his head. “Are you okay, Beth?”

            “No.”

            “If you want, you can come up. We can order some food and I’ll listen to you. Just like old times.”

            Beth didn’t know why she followed Roger up his room, but when she realized the hard truth, she was sitting on the edge of his bed. He was placing an order with the kitchen and with the order; she overheard him ask for a bottle of their best wine. When he returned, he wore a very happy expression on his face.

            “Are you trying to seduce me?” Beth asked.

            He laughed and took a seat. “Um, no, I’m not. Not only would that be impossible, but it would be wrong. You belong to another man.”

            “I do.”

            Roger leaned on his knees and placed his hands underneath his chin. “Why were you crying? He didn’t hit you, did he?”

            Beth shook her head and clamped her lips together to keep from crying. “No. We…we got into an argument last night.”

            “About what?”

            Beth explained what happened last night. When she looked up at him, she swore she saw something sparkle in his eyes. She laced her fingers together and wiped her eyes.

            “Then today when I came home, we were going to talk about what happened. He kept avoiding the issue. He was dancing around the issue at hand. We both exploded and I drove off.” She suddenly felt odd for coming here. She stood up and reached for her purse as he stood up.

            “I’m sorry, I was wrong for coming here. I shouldn’t bother you with this stuff. I’ll go.”

            Roger reached out and held her wrist. “No, don’t go. I’m here to listen, Beth. Don’t rush off and try to act brave when you need someone to listen.”

            She felt her heart pound and the words he said hit her hard. He knew her too well and she felt her body betraying her as the skin where he was holding her burned like fire. Beth turned and looked at his eyes. They were dark and as the lights danced across them, she saw her image before her. She was beautiful.

            She gasped and jerked her hand free. “I have to go. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

            Roger came around and blocked the door. “I need to talk to you, Beth. I have so many things to say to you. If you leave now, I’ll never get the chance to say it to you. I’ll live my life in regret.”

            “If you don’t let me leave now, I’ll live my life in regret. Please, Roger, just let me walk out of here with the memories we made.”

            He gave her a soft smile. “Don’t you understand? Seeing you the other day made me feel things I thought were long gone. I buried you the day you left me. But when I saw you, those feelings came out of the grave I had kept them in. I felt alive and I felt like a human again.”

            Beth shook her head. “Roger, please don’t do this. What we had was beautiful, but it’s over. I left you and everything I ever felt for you long ago.”

            “Then why are you here? Why did you come running to me when he made you cry? Why am I the one wiping your tears?” he asked breathlessly.

            She raised her hand to touch his face, but stopped. She lowered her hand and looked away from him. “What we had…it was magical, I won’t disagree with that. But it’s over now, Roger. Let me leave. I have someone waiting for me at home.”

            When she looked back up at him, moisture was in his eyes. He slowly walked away from the door, walked to the bed with his back facing her, and placed his hands in his pockets. Beth took a deep breath, opened the door, and left.

             When Beth returned home, the house was dark and quiet. The dinner plates were still on the table, right where they were when she had left before. She removed her shoes and set her purse down on the counter. She reached over, turned on the lamp, and found him sitting by the couch, a bottle of Vodka in his hand. It was half empty and his eyes were watery and blood shot.

            “Are you okay?” she asked.

            Brad laughed and stood up. He stumbled and when she stepped forward to help, he gave her a cold stare. That stopped her right in her tracks. He managed to stand up, but still held onto the couch for support.

            “Where the fuck were you?” he snapped.

             “Is that how we’re going to talk now? Spitting out words we don’t mean?”

            He laughed and shook his head, but regretted it and his hands went up to hold his head. “I always did say that a woman doesn’t listen to you until you use foul language. I just want to know where you were.”

            She crossed her arms. “I needed to think about us.”

            He looked up at her. “What is there to think about, Beth? We’re getting married.”

            “Are we? Because you haven’t a date yet; it’s not official until a date is set.”

            “Okay, how about next month? Why don’t we just get it over with so you can have a happier life.”

            “What is wrong with you? Who are you? I don’t even know you anymore.” Beth watched as his eyes glowed with a certain darkness and she felt her hands shake. But he sat down on the couch again and his hands went up to touch his face. She walked forward and took a seat across from him. She reached out her hand to touch him. He looked up and grabbed her hand before it reached him. Beth let out a soft gasp of surprise. Brad held her hand and examined it like he’d never seen it before. Then he brought her hand to his heart and she felt the beating of his heart underneath her palm.

            “I love you, Beth. I really do. I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m sick and tired of fighting. I just want everything between us to be okay,” he whispered.

            She felt tears well up in her eyes. “Me too, Brad, me too.”

            He smiled, got off the couch, and came to kneel in between her knees. “I’m sorry for being such a jerk. I don’t know why I made such a big deal out of this whole thing. We could have resolved this like rational adults and I choose to act like a child. I’m sorry, honey. I love you.”

            “I love you too.”

            Beth entered the shoot and found Penny talking on the phone, her face beat red. She removed her black jacket off and revealed a silk green blouse. She started walking toward her assistant when Gabe came out of nowhere, grabbed her arm, and took her inside his office.

            He was out of breath by the time the door was closed and they were in private. “We are dead!” he cried.

             Beth held up her hands. “Slow down, Gabe, what’s going on?”

            He let out a heavy sigh. “Our next clients are here, driving here as we speak. The model we were supposed to use has gone to the hospital with food poisoning! We don’t have a back up. What am I going to tell the clients when they arrive? What am I going to say?”

            Beth sank down to her chair. Her heart started beating faster. “I always told Penny to keep a back up on hand. What happened?”

            “Well, the back up is backpacking through Europe. She won’t be back for another two weeks. The agency who sent this model said she was the most reliable one. I don’t know what her definition of reliable is, but this is not fucking reliable!”

            Beth stood up. “Okay, calm down, Gabe. You can’t get mad at someone for getting food poisoning.”

            “Yes, I can! Stop stuffing your mouth, you’re a model!” he cried.

            She gave him a dirty look. “I think you could use a drink. Why don’t you stay in here and put your head back together. I’ll go out there and try to think of a solution to save both our jobs.”

            Beth walked out to find Penny pacing back and forth, her blonde hair bouncing from side to side. Beth walked to her, grabbed her arm, and swung her around.

            “You didn’t hire another back up?” Beth asked.

            Penny had tears in her eyes. “I messed up, Beth. I thought I had everything under control. I just called the clients, they’re on highway 35. They’ll be here in any minute. What are we going to do?”

            Beth watched as Penny’s mouth twisted into a snarl. “I have an idea.”

            By the time Penny realized what Beth was doing, the clients had already arrived. Penny was pushed into the shoot and once she was surrounded by the gorgeous male models, she had her act on. She posed as many wonderful poses as Beth had taught the models to do. The clients were extremely happy and one of the clients even asked Penny to join him for a drink after work.

            Gabe stood in the corner watching and with every clap of the clients’ hands, he was able to smile more and more. By the end of the shoot, everyone was smiling. When the pictures were produced an hour later, the clients gladly signed on a contract to use Gabe’s photography services for future needs. And a very happy Penny walked out with a very handsome client.

            Gabe entered Beth’s small office with a bottle of wine and two glasses. He did a few dance steps and turned around. He blew her an air kiss.

            “You are the most fabulous girl I’ve ever known! I love you, ma Cherie,” he said.

            Beth smiled and ran a hand through her strands as he poured them each a glass. She took one and thanked him. She raised her glass up. “Here’s to saving your ass.”

            He laughed. “I’ll drink to that.”

            Beth downed her drink and looked up at him, staring at her. “What?”

            “How’s your man?”

            “We made up and no, I’m not telling you anything else, you dirty old man.”

            Gabe laughed and did a rumba step around the small office. “I love it when you talk dirty.”

He rumbaed his way out of her office as she continued laughing. Beth turned around when her phone started ringing. She picked it up on the fourth ring.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hi, darling, it’s me,” Brad said.

She felt tingles in her toes. “Hi, honey, I was just celebrating a little victory today. What’s up with you?”

There was a long pause before he spoke. “I have to go out of town for a few days.”

Beth’s smile faded and she leaned her elbows on the desk. “When do you have to leave?”

“I leave tonight.”

“Tonight? It’s the weekend; where you are going?” she asked unbelieving.

“Boston. I’ll be back in three days. I’m sorry, but it was a last minute kind of thing. I’m at home, packing right now. I have a surprise for you when you get home. I’ll call you when I check into a motel, okay?”

She sighed and closed her eyes. “I hate it when you go out of town. I miss you so much.”

“I know, baby. But I have to go and I’ll be back before you know it. I’ll call you every night.”

“You better or else you’ll be camping on the couch when you return.”

Beth pushed open the door, walked in, and used her right foot to shut the door. She sighed and dropped her things on the counter and her eyes caught the red box sitting on the dining table. She gasped, walked over, and picked it up. It felt heavy as she held it in her hands. What could it be? She set it back down and picked up the note on the table. She opened it up and the words, “I’ll be seeing you,” were written on it. She smiled and opened the box. Inside was a golden box and her mouth dropped open. The box alone was beautiful and she wondered what he had gotten her. Beth removed the box, set it aside, and opened it up. A large picture frame of the two of them stared back at her. But it was the art work that amazed her. Beautiful scriptures of endearments surrounded the frame, a drawing of two golden rings was above the top with the words, “I love you,” written beside it. The two of their happy faces stared back at her and tears filled her eyes.

“Oh, Brad, you’re too much,” she whispered.

It was ten at night and Beth sat on the couch, trying to watch the late show with Jay Leno, but her eyes were really focusing on the time. He said he was going to call her, but it was getting late and no calls were coming from him. She curled her legs underneath her and sighed deeply. Perhaps he was busy and couldn’t steal away a moment to call her. With that thought in mind, she turned off the TV, and went to bed.

The next morning, Beth woke up and was glad it was Saturday. Her weekend was going to be a long one without Brad with her, but couldn’t wait to see him again. She got up, showered, and dressed in her jogging suit. She walked out the door and was met with the warm spring weather of Minnesota. She sniffed the air and started jogging down the block.

            When Beth returned from her jog, she saw someone standing by her door. She wiped the sweat from her forehead and when he turned around, she gasped. It was Roger. He smiled and walked down the steps to meet her.

            “Hi,” Roger said.

            Beth breathed heavily and tried to calm her pounding heart. “How’d you know where I lived?”

            He pulled out a small notebook from his pocket and handed it to her. “I think this belongs to you. I found it in my room when I was checking out.”

Beth smiled and took the notebook from him. “Thank you. I didn’t even know it was missing. You’re going home?”
            “Back to New York, my flight leaves in five hours. I was wondering if you could spare me a few minutes. I didn’t want to part with you on bad terms. I figured the last time we departed that way, I felt guilty until now. Maybe this time, if we did it differently, both our lives could be a lot better.”

            Beth thought for a long time and then she nodded her head. “I’d like that. Let me shower and we can go somewhere.”

            Beth led him into the house and set her notebook down on the counter. “I’m just going to shower. Make yourself at home.”

            When Beth returned, dressed in a yellow spring dress, he stood up and smiled at her. She smiled, grabbed her white sweater, and placed it around her shoulders.

            “Ready?” she asked.

            “You look beautiful,” he said.           

            “Thank you.”

            Roger came forward and pointed to a picture of her and Brad. “Is this Brad?”

            She nodded. “Yes, it is. He’s away on a business trip in Boston. He’ll be back by Tuesday.”

            Roger’s face broke into a frown and Beth watched as he stared at the picture and then back at her. “Are you sure?”

            “Yes. Why?”

            He shrugged. “I thought I saw someone like him checking into the hotel when I was checking out. Looked just like him.”

            Beth’s heart raced for a split second. “You’re wrong, Brad’s in Boston. A lot of people mistake Brad for someone else.”

            He nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s go for a walk.”

            Beth crossed her arms as they walked down the block from her house. The wind was still and it blew softly through her freshly blow dried hair. She could smell his fragrance and she realized it was the same one he used to wear. Some things never changed, she thought. She looked away from him and felt his eyes burn two holes through her.

            “You’re quiet,” he said suddenly.

            Beth turned to look at him. “I’m just…thinking about a few things.”

            Roger smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “I hate it when people say that. It’s a polite way of saying they have no idea how to start a conversation with you.”

            Beth shook her head. “No, it’s not. I’m not that way, Roger. You should know that by now.”

            “Really, Beth? I also thought you were the type to hang around too.”

            Beth lowered her head and turned away from him. Then she stopped walking and he turned to look at her. Seeing his face made her eyes water and she let out a sob. When he stepped toward her, she put up her hand and he stopped.

            “You don’t know that when you look at me like that, I get all torn apart. With one look, I become unglued and I forget who I am at this moment,” Beth whispered.

            Roger stepped forward. “I thought I couldn’t do that to you anymore.”

            Beth laughed and wiped her eyes. “Believe me, Roger, even in a hundred years, if I saw you again, I’ll still feel this way.”

            “Then why’d you leave? That day when you left me, standing in the rain, shouting for you to come back. Why’d you leave?”

            “It was the right thing to do, Roger. That’s all I can say.”

            He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a light shake. “The right thing to do? The right thing to do was to marry me and become my wife! If you’re talking about doing the right thing, Beth, it would be for me to kiss you blindly and to win you back into my arms.”

            She removed herself from his arms. “I belong to someone else.”

            “Yes, you keep saying that. But do you believe that yourself?”

            “I do, I love him more than anything.”

            “You do? If you do, then me looking at you like this shouldn’t leave you unglued, should it?” he asked.

            Beth turned to look at him, the way his eyes sparkled, the shape of his lips, and she turned away before she lost herself. She felt his hands touch her skin and her eyes closed as an old memory of them on the beach entered her mind. But Brad’s face broke into the memory and she opened her eyes. She took a few steps away from him and turned to look at him.

            “Roger, I want you to remember me the way I was. Not like this, okay? Hold on to that part of me you loved so much. I need to find my center because I’m going to marry Brad. He is the one for me.”

            Roger stepped forward, his eyes daring to undress her. “I don’t care what Brad has told you. He’s not half the man I am. Does he know anything about you? Because if he did, he would never have let you come crying to me that night. I am not like Brad, that’s true. But what I am is all about loving the woman I have asked to marry me. I gave you the world, Beth. I gave you my heart and I was left to pick up the broken pieces when you left. But I love you so much that I would do that again just to spend one night in your arms.”

            Beth let out a chuckle. “It would kill you if I left you again.”

            “You are worth dying for,” he said seriously.

            Beth swallowed hard and looked away. “Have a safe flight.” Then she turned and walked back to her house before she lost herself.

            Once she was safe inside her home, she sank to the floor and the tears fell down her cheeks. It was horrible to see him looking at her like that and how her own body had betrayed her. She wiped her eyes and sobs tore through her throat as she tried to gather herself together. She loved Brad, she knew she did. So why was she feeling like this? Why did it bother her so much that he was there and she couldn’t touch him?

            Beth pushed herself up and sat down on the couch. Her mind was swarming with memories of her and Roger. When they were at the beach, at a vacation, making love, kissing. Thoughts that threatened to destroy her sanity, thoughts she forced herself to bury long ago.

            “I need to talk to someone,” she whispered. She picked up the phone and dialed Penny’s number.

            Beth downed her second glass of Vodka, looked up, and waved to Penny. She made her way through the crowded bar and reached her. Beth gestured for her to sit down beside her.

            “That bad, huh?” Penny asked as she took a seat. “Give me whatever she’s having.”

            Beth ran her fingers up and down the glass. She took a deep breath and turned to find Penny waiting for her to spill. “I’m having a huge dilemma.”

            “I figured that. What’s going on? You sounded so crazy on the phone.”

            Beth laughed. “Crazy isn’t even the word you should use to describe me right now. It’s…stupid.”

            “What’s stupid?” Penny asked as her drink was set in front of her.

            Beth sighed and looked at her. “I ran into my ex-boyfriend the other day. Since then my world has turned upside down. I’m in between this private battle of who I am.”

            Penny smiled, took a drink, and smacked her lips. “Welcome to the other side. For a minute there, I thought you weren’t human.”

            Beth frowned. “Excuse me?”

            “Listen, its fine to feel these kinds of feelings. After all, you’re getting married, Beth. It’s like the pre-wedding jitters. All brides go through this.”

            “But I’m not like all brides! I’m Beth Taylor. I don’t go through these weird phases like pre-wedding jitters. I am always sure of myself,” Beth declared.

            Penny turned her booth around and placed her hands on Beth’s shoulder. “Look, everyone goes a little crazy after they run into their ex. What happened between you and this…what’s his name?”

            Beth removed Penny’s hands from her shoulders. “Roger. We…were together for two years, it was the perfect relationship. Then I left him. I met Brad and thought I had gotten over him. But then today he showed up at my doorstep and those feelings was swimming around me. I’m…a horrible person.”

            “No, you’re not! Stop gloating, Beth and tell me why you left him.”

            Beth’s eyes filled with tears. “Well, you know I grew up without my father. His old girlfriend came to me and told me she was pregnant with his child. But that he wasn’t willing to marry her if he was still with me. I didn’t want that child to grow up without a father. I was without one and I knew how hard it was. So I did everything I could to break the relationship up. In a nutshell, I broke his heart.”

            “But you never really got over him, huh?” Penny asked as her own hand flew to her heart.

            Beth shook her head. “No.”

            “Is he married?”

            “I didn’t see a ring on his finger. I’m just…what am I going to do, Penny? I love Brad, but I’m having second thoughts.”

            Penny sighed, removed a piece of paper and pen from her purse, and handed it to Beth. “Here’s what you do. Pros and cons. It’s as easy as that. Make up a list of pros and cons for each guy. Go with the better one.”

            Beth shook her head. “No need to do that. If I had to choose based on pros and cons, I’d go with Roger. He’s an author; he is worth millions of dollars. Brad works as a sales man earning nothing an hour. Roger knows how to get stains out of Gucci fabrics. Brad thinks Gucci is some sort of exotic animal.”

            Penny laughed. “Guess you know your men real well, huh? Where is Brad anywhere?”

            Beth placed her elbow on the bar counter and leaned her forehead into the palm of her hand. “He’s in Boston for a sales meeting; he’ll be back by Tuesday.”

            “Really? I went to see that handsome client of mine at the Marriot hotel and I thought I saw him.”

            This got Beth’s attention. She turned her eyes to her friend. “What did you say?”

            “Yeah, I thought I saw Brad there.”

            “That’s the second time someone’s said that.”

            “Who said it the first time?”

            “Roger. He came over to say good-bye and saw a picture of Brad. He said the same thing.”

            “So he’s been to your house?” Penny asked with a wicked grin on her face.

            “That’s not the point here, Penny. You’ve both seen Brad at the same hotel when he said he was out of town. I gotta go. Thanks for coming.”

            By the time Tuesday came, Beth was spitting nails. She received no calls from Brad and she was ready to pull her hair out from her roots. She was sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette when the front door opened and Brad walked in. He gave her a smile and she put her cigarette out as she stood up. He closed the door and walked to her. He set down his bags and reached for her, but she moved away from him.

            “What kind of welcome home is that?” Brad asked as he removed his jacket.

            Beth clenched her hands into fists and turned to face him. “Why didn’t you call me? You said you were going to call me after you got settled down. I waited for your calls.”

            He laughed. “You’re upset I didn’t call you? Is that it?”

            Beth took a deep breath and saw how calm he was. The look in his eyes showed no sign of how she wanted him to feel. She sat down and placed her hands on her knees. “Where were you?”

            “What are you talking about? I was in Boston.”

            “The funniest thing happened, someone saw you checking in at the Marriot hotel. Now if you were in Boston, why did someone see you checking in at a hotel not five miles away?” Beth yelled.

            Brad took a few steps back and crossed his arms. “What are you accusing me of?”

            “Are you cheating on me?”

            He walked to her and cupped her face. “Honey, are you insane? How could you ask me that? I love you. I was in Boston, stuck in meeting after meeting. I’m sorry I didn’t call you, but I was busy. Who told you they thought they saw me there?”

            “Penny did.”

            Brad laughed. “Oh and you believed her?”

            “Not only Penny, but someone else.”

            Brad removed his hands from her face and leaned back on his heels. “Who else?”

             “It doesn’t matter who told me, Brad. The fact is that you lied to me.”

            He stood up and shook his finger at her. “No, no, Beth, finish your story. Someone else told you I was there, didn’t they? It was Roger, wasn’t it?”

            She stood up. “Yes, it was. He saw you there while checking out. He came here-“

            “He came here?” Brad interrupted. “To my house and you let him?”

            “It’s my house too.”

            “What was he doing here?”

            “He came to say good-bye and to return my notebook.” Beth regretted it instantly the moment it slipped out of her mouth. She turned away as Brad laughed.

            “Oh, you’re accusing me of cheating, but you’re hiding something from me too, aren’t you? You were with Roger that night you left here, weren’t you?”

            Beth turned back around and stared at him. “This conversation is about you and why you lied to me!”

            “No, it’s not! You’re accusing me of cheating on you. But I also accuse you of cheating on me too. If you’re so innocent, what were you doing in his hotel room? He’s your fucking ex-boyfriend and he came here to tell you I wasn’t where I was supposed to be and you believed him? Him over me? I’m shocked, Beth, I’m really shocked.”

            Beth shook her head. “It just kills you when I find out you’re not being honest, doesn’t it? You just want to win everything. I may have lied to you about Roger, but I didn’t sleep with him. You, on the other hand, probably spent the weekend with some dumb blonde. I hope it was worth it.”

            Brad came forward and grabbed her shoulders. “Why are you being so damn difficult? I wasn’t cheating on you.”       

            Beth shook herself free from him and took a few steps backward. “You may not believe Roger, then how do you explain Penny seeing you?”       

            He remained silent and she knew the answer to her question. She turned away from him and grabbed her purse. She picked up his shoe and tossed it toward him. He ducked and it crashed into the coffee table.

            “You bastard!” she cried as she ran out the front door.

            “Okay, just let it out,” Penny said as she handed Beth another tissue. Beth was sitting on Penny’s bed with her eyes as swollen as if someone had beaten her. Her face was beat red with anger, her hands were twisting the tissues in her hands, creating a snow fall onto Penny’s blue blanket.

            “I can’t believe I trusted him,” Beth was saying. “I can’t believe I thought he was going to love me forever. He asked me to marry him for God’s sakes. Then, he…oh God, Penny, horrible.”

            Penny put her arms around Beth’s shaking shoulders and held her close. “Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. You know I’m not as good as giving advice as you are. But do you remember that one time when I was crying about that loser from Texas who had broken not only heart, but also my furniture?”

            Beth managed to let out a laugh.

            “Do you remember what you said to me? You said men who leave you all broken up and in tears, are not worth you trying to forgive them. They are already a part of your past.”

            Beth sniffed, looked up at her, and felt fresh tears brew in her eyes. “I know what I said, Penny. But I never thought of it from my point of view. I never thought it would hurt this much. I just…I love him and everything about him.”

            Penny sighed deeply. “You go back to him and talk it through. Make sure you get the whole story this time before you leave him behind.”

            Beth frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

            Penny cocked her eyebrows. “You know exactly what I mean. Someone named Roger is on your mind and in the back of your mind; you have to admit that it doesn’t sound as bad as it really is.”

            Beth pushed her away. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ll go back to Brad and talk things through; only because you’re making false assumptions.”

            The house looked like a dark ghost hovering over her heart as she stood there staring at it. The night had arrived and the wind was picking up. But still she stood outside and watched the figure pacing around in the lighted room. He was on the phone, his fingers twisting the phone cord and the way how he paced showed he was angry. How long would it take for them to get past this? She knew the answer herself, but yet she forced it away from her mind.

            Beth walked up the stairs and opened the door. She could hear him shouting from the bedroom upstairs. He was loud, angry, and fierce. It scared her, but she had to get this over with. She shed her jacket and climbed up the stairs. With every step she took, the voice grew louder and more unfamiliar. It wasn’t the Brad she knew at all; this was a different kind of Brad. The Brad she didn’t want to be with.       Beth reached their bedroom and listened as the voice behind the door got louder. 

            “You don’t understand,” Brad was saying from behind the room. “I can’t do this anymore. I saw the look on her face and it nearly killed me. I know what I promised you, okay? You don’t have to repeat it for me to hear. I know what I did. But I also made a promise to this woman to love her forever. I can’t just let that go as easily as you think.”

            Beth couldn’t wait anymore and she pushed the door open. He stopped talking and she could hear a woman screaming on the other line. Brad’s face was pale and he was shaking. If she wasn’t sure he was cheating before, she could be sure now. The look on his face was nothing short of guilt.

            Beth crossed to him, grabbed the phone, and placed it next to her ear. “Brad is going to have call you back.” Then she hung up the phone. She gave him a cold stare, challenging his gaze. His lips were trembling and sweat had formed on his face. She didn’t think he looked strong now.

            “Where were you?” he asked through a hoarse whisper.

            Beth crossed her arms. “Tell me, Brad, who is she? How long have you been sleeping with her?”

            He stumbled over his words for a few minutes before anything sane came out. “Look, why don’t we sit down and go through his rationally as adults, okay?”

            “No, Brad, I kind of like the idea of going through this as children. Because then, I can get away with gouging your eyes and pulling your hair.”     

            Brad winced from her words. “You’re really mad, aren’t you?”

            “And you’d think I wouldn’t be if I found out? You blew up when I told you about Roger. I’m human too; I would feel the same way about you; especially when you promised to love me forever.”

            Brad sighed and fell down to the couch. “I’m sorry, Beth. I made a mistake.”

            “Who is this mistake?”

            He covered his face with his hands. “My old girlfriend from college.”

            “You mean Tanya?”

            He removed his hands and nodded his head. “Yes.”

            “I thought you said she was married?”

            “She was and then her husband was beating the shit out of her. Two weeks ago, I ran into her and she was crying for help. So I went over to her place and…”

            Beth raised her hands. “Please spare me the gory details. All I want to know is were you with her when you said you were going to be in Boston?”

            He turned misty eyes to look at her. “Yes.”

            Beth felt a wash of sadness go through her heart and she sank to the floor. Her eyes were now pouring out tears, her heart pounding, and her hands shaking. She looked to find him crying and when he stood up; she got up onto her feet, walked to him, and punched him in the face. He fell over and when he looked back up at her, his nose was bleeding.

            “Bastard! You don’t know what you’ve lost!” Beth cried as she removed the ring from her finger and tossed it at him. “I gave you my life and if I remember correctly, you were begging me to go out with you. You were going to show me the world!” She wiped her eyes and hated herself for crying in front of him, but at the moment, her emotions were not what she cared.

            “You’re an asshole, Brad. You gave me up for a few roll in the sacks with an old flame? Did you even think about what I would do if I found out? Or did you not care at all? It was a sign when you couldn’t set the date for our wedding. I should have know, Brad. Now, you can go running back to her because you just lost me.”

            Beth turned to walk out when he lunged forward and grabbed her waist. His loud piercing cry hurt her ears as he held onto her tight. She pulled his arms and pushed him away from her.

            “You’re too late in feeling sentimental. I was gone from your life the moment you said your first set of lies,” Beth whispered as she walked out of the room.

            Beth felt like a zombie walking around in human flesh as she tried to continue on with her days. She moved in with Penny and camped out in the living room. Her mind was swarming with thousands of foul words to say to Brad and her heart was pounding with anger. So she did what she always did when something horrible happened to her. She worked herself to death. She poured her entire heart and soul to her work, working later than she always did. Taking on extra projects and volunteering for shoots out of town. But Gabe knew her better than that; he knew it was her way of gluing herself back together.

            On one of her late nights, he emerged from his office and surprised her. Beth thought no one was around and glanced toward the clock. It was eleven at night and when she turned back around to look at Gabe, he held two glasses and a bottle of wine. She smiled as he strolled to where she sat, poured her a glass, and handed it to her.

            “I thought I was the only one working late,” Beth said as she took a drink.

            He smiled. “I did too. What are you doing here? I haven’t given you any other assignments.”

            Beth shrugged her shoulders. “I’m in the healing process, Gabe. This is how I put myself back together after I’ve been burned.”

            “If you mean by working like a dog, then I think you’re going about this all wrong.”

            Beth raised her eyebrows. “Really? How would you go about it?”

            Gabe raised his glass. “Sleep with as many people as I can.”

            Beth laughed. “Um, sorry, that’s your department, Gabe. Other people actually have some respect for themselves.”

            He shrugged his shoulders. “Yes, that’s true. But I always get better after someone’s broken my heart.” Then he pulled out a chair and sat down. He set his glass down and Beth noticed he had a very serious look on his face. The fun Gabe disappeared and was replaced with the serious one. He laced his fingers together and looked deeply into her eyes.

            “Beth, you’ve known me a long time. I’m a good man with a big heart. But once long ago, my heart was torn into thousands of pieces. It took a long time for me to get my heart to get this big again. I was drowning and at one point in my life, I tried to give in.”

            Beth let out a soft gasp. “What happened?”

            “Her name was Sophia De Luc, the love of my life. She and I were engaged to be married, just like you and Brad. One night, I walked in on her in bed with my brother. It was the most gruesome sight of my entire life. I’ll never forget it as long as I live. That night, when asked to choose between us, she took his hand. It killed me and I became a drunk, an invalid, an insult to the human race.”

            “But you had every right,” Beth whispered.

            “I did. But what I didn’t do was forgive and move on. You see, in life, it’s hard for those have been burned to forgive. It’s more of protecting your own pride. I was swimming in my own pool of pity. Yes, I loved her, but it was her choice. She wanted something I couldn’t give her. So I let her go because I never had her in the first place. If she was destined to be mine, she would have chosen me.”

            “But would you have been able to forgive her if she chose you?”

            Gabe smiled and leaned back in his chair. “That’s the crazy thing about love. You would destroy your own heart for a second chance. Humans are strange beings, love. They hate someone for hurting them, but yet they can’t seem to let them go. It’s a never ending battle between them. Love, hate, anger, vanity, everything of you goes into loving that one person. But the only thing you have to deal with when you’re not with that person is how to forgive. It hurts a lot, but it would hurt even more if you kept the thought of anger inside you. Forgive, burn out the torch, and you’ll see how happy you can be again. Hey, I’m living proof, right?”

            Beth smiled. “Yes you are. Thank you, Gabe.”

            The house felt strange as she entered it. It looked as if she had never left. She knew he was home, his car was parked outside. She set her purse aside and when she looked up, he came down the stairs with a sad look on his face. He had lost weight, his hair looked unwashed, and his eyes showed lack of sleep.

            “Hi,” she whispered.

            He walked to her and leaned in to hug her, but she stepped away from him. Beth saw the hurt in his eyes, but she wasn’t ready to hug him just yet. She walked to the living room and saw their happy faces from the pictures stare back at her. She turned to find him in the same place with the same sad look.

            “I came here to talk,” Beth said. “I’m sorry for hitting you.”

            Brad shrugged. “Well, I can only say it was fair.”

            Beth sighed deeply. “I just want to understand why you did this. You had me and this wonderful life we were going to build together. In one instant, you threw it all away. Why?”

            Brad looked up at her. “Believe me when I say this, Beth, if I could go back and change everything, I would. But I can’t do that. So I’ll have to live with myself and my sins. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I want you to realize how important you are to me. I love you so much. I don’t want to end this. You’re my life.”

            Beth felt tears well up in her eyes. She turned away from him and wiped her eyes. She could feel his eyes burn two holes in her back. The she heard him cross the room and his hands were on her back. She closed her eyes and felt somehow comforted by his touch. But the thought of a woman with no face entered her mind and she moved away from his touch. She turned back to look at him.

            “I had this beautiful wedding in my mind. I imagined myself wearing this gorgeous white gown and I was walking down the aisle to meet you. You were so handsome, dressed in your black tux. Everything was going so wonderfully and it was so beautiful. We created a family in this house and yes, the nursery was green.” Beth stifled a laugh as she thought of the green room. “But then…somewhere in this imagination, I lose you. I lose you to a woman with no face and I can’t understand why. She takes you away from me and you go with her willingly. It’s hard for me to understand why you’re running off with her when you were supposed to love me. The truth of it is, Brad, I can’t look at you the same way as I did before. What you did will always remain with me. The lies, the woman, and what you felt when you were with her.”

            Brad sank down to the couch. “You don’t get it, do you? That’s exactly how I felt when you first told me about Roger.”

            “What?”

            He looked up at her. “When you told me about Roger, I had this image of this perfect guy. I spent my time wondering how I was going to make you feel I was the right one for you. I kept thinking if I would ever measure up to him.”

            Beth sank down to a chair and felt her heart pounding. She felt guilt rise in her heart and she looked away from him. “I’m sorry, Brad, I never realized that.”

            “I guess if you’re going to talk about this in a sense that would even make sense; this is what you’d talk about. We’re just two people trying to make it work in this world. But we used to belong to two people who made our worlds dance. Yes, it was hard for you to see me go through this with Tanya. But I’ve had to listen to you rant on about how perfect Roger was as well. The finger points both ways.”

            Anger shot through her heart. They were talking about him cheating and somehow he had turned the tables around and tried to make her look like the bad one. She bit her lip as tears slipped down her cheeks.

            “I came here thinking you’d apologize and tell me what a jerk you’ve been. But instead you turn the tables around so you won’t be the only one with the guilt. You really thought by doing that, I’d forgive you and we’d be okay again?”

            Brad looked up at her. “You’re going about this all wrong. If we’re going to talk about being dishonest, why don’t you tell me why you were at his hotel room. You are with me, but you went to another man’s hotel room and not to mention you left a private belonging there. What’s that all about?”

            Beth stood up. “I went to him because you were being a jerk. But unlike you, I didn’t sleep with him! I left my notebook, not a private belonging. I still came back with my honesty intact. You lied to me about going to Boston! You were here with another woman in your arms! Don’t you try to make yourself look good, Brad.”

            He stood up, walked to her, and slapped her across the face. She was stunned as she stared back at him. He was breathing heavily, his eyes were throwing daggers at her, and his hands were clenched in fists.

            “You’re being a bitch, Beth. I had one roll in the sack with an old girlfriend. I didn’t commit mass murder,” he said.

            Beth felt her burning cheek and nodded her head. “I’m glad I got to see this side of you before I married you. You’ve just proven to me I was right for leaving you. I’ll send some packagers to come collect my things.” She walked around him, took her purse, and left.

            Beth entered her office and sank down in her chair. It had been a horrible day for her. She couldn’t imagine why she thought Brad would be the one for her. She should have seen these things before she even accepted his ring. She felt tears enter her eyes and she wiped them away as she heard a voice she recognized. Roger. Beth stood up as Gabe led him into her office.

            “Here she is,” Gabe said with a smile. “Have a good day, Beth.” Then he was gone.

            Beth stared at a well dressed Roger in a black suit. She felt her heart pounding as he came toward her. “I thought you were in New York?” she asked.

            Roger came forward with a smile, but it faded when he saw her teary eyes. “Were you crying?”

            Beth shook her head, but instantly her eyes filled with tears and she sank to the ground. But he reached her in three strides and pulled her into his arms. She sobbed and for some odd reason just by being in his arms, she felt the pain already disappearing.

            “Tell me,” he whispered.

            Beth pulled herself away from him. She walked to the door and closed it. She turned back around and showed him her left hand. “The engagement is off.”

            “When?”

            “You were right that day. It was him checking into the hotel. My assistant also saw him at the same hotel. When I confronted him, he denied it at first. But eventually the ugly truth came out. I broke it off. Yesterday when I went to talk to him, long story short, I came out of the house with a handprint on my cheek.”

            Roger crossed to her and held her shoulders. “You deserve better than this, Beth. You deserve me.”

            She smiled. “I would, but at the moment, I just want my life back to normal.” She removed herself from his hold. “You’re back in town?”

            He shook his head. “I moved back.”

            Beth, shocked, said, “When did this happen? Overnight?”

            “You could say that.”

            She wiped her eyes. “I don’t believe that, Roger. You’re hiding something from me.”

            “What can I say? I was born here; living in New York was a mistake. I shouldn’t have moved.”

            “I wish I could make a drastic change like that as easily as you. What are you doing here?”

            “I came here to take you out to lunch. Your boss said you were free and he also mentioned to me to take extra time.”

            Beth sank down in her chair and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry, Roger. I have so much work to do. I really need to stay here. I can’t.”

            He walked forward and crossed his arms. “This isn’t your cheap way of trying to avoid me, is it?”

            Beth stared at him and found his eyes full of sadness. Somehow, the way how he spoke to her and the tone he used, made her heart sank in guilt. His expression was nothing, but sadness. She found herself wanting to go with him and in the end, she did.

            They were sitting outside in one of the umbrella patio sets, in front of Major’s Sports Café. Beth thanked the waitress as she delivered their food to them. She picked up her fork and began digging into her salad when she saw Roger staring at her. She lowered her fork and raised her eyebrows.

            “What is it?” Beth asked.

            Roger shrugged. “I just can’t remember you being a salad girl. I remember back then, you were the kind of girl who ordered a steak and fries. You didn’t care about impressing me how you kept your body in shape.”

            Beth opened her mouth to speak, but realized he was right. She smiled and lowered her gaze. “I’m surprised you still remember.”

            He took a bite of his burger, chewed, and swallowed. “How could you think I’d forgotten?”

            “I didn’t. I just…” Beth lay her fork down and then she turned to the waitress. “Could you place in an order of a large cheeseburger and extra fries, please?”

            The waitress gave her a cold stare and then she nodded. “Sure.”

            As she walked away, Beth turned to find Roger giggling. “I think she’ll never want to serve me again.”

            “You bet.”

            When her burger and fries arrived, Beth took a huge bite of it and her eyes rolled back into her head. Savoring the warm, juicy burger made her stomach did flips. How long had it been since she let go and eat like this? She opened her eyes and found Roger staring at her like he always did.

            “I never thought I’d live to see someone enjoy a burger,” Roger said.

            Beth laughed. “I’ll make history then. God, I can’t believe I ever gave up on this kind of food. Since I started working for Gabe, I had been watching my weight and what I ate. Do you know that since we broke up, it was the last time I ate a burger?”

            “Why was that? When we were together, no matter what you ate, you always looked good. And it’s not even about the weight, Beth. You’re beautiful, no matter what shape you are.”

            Beth smiled and felt a flash of hot emotion wash through her. “Thank you, Roger. You’re so kind. But I think…I think the real reason I choose to avoid eating these kind of foods was because…well I guess they reminded me of you.”

            “That makes me feel good. At least to know I was still somewhere in your heart.”

            Beth set her burger down and looked at him. “Roger, I never meant to hurt you. I just felt we weren’t right for each other.”

            “How can you say that? We were perfect for each other. If I remember correctly, you once told me you would never marry if you couldn’t marry me. You left me for two years and then suddenly you were engaged to someone else. How do you explain that?”

            Beth suddenly felt the rush of her burger disappear from her mind. She pushed her chair back, grabbed her purse, and stood up. “Thanks for lunch.”

            When Beth came back to her office, Penny was sitting inside her office, waiting patiently. Beth watched as she paced back and forth and when she entered, Penny looked up with teary eyes. Her yellow blouse was stained with tears and her face looked sickly. Beth’s heart immediately fell to her knees and she rush to hold her.

            “What happened?” Beth asked.

            Penny pushed her back and wiped her eyes. Then she held up her left hand and Beth saw the sparkle of a ring. “He asked me to marry him.”

            Beth’s mouth opened wide and she grabbed Penny for another hug. “Oh my God! You are the only one I know who can score a marriage proposal in one week!”

            Penny pulled away and wiped her eyes. “It was so romantic.”

            “Tell me,” Beth said as she took Penny’s hand and led her to sit down.

            “He and I were walking by Centennial Park. He was nervous and for a minute there, I seriously thought he was going to break up with me. I was so scared and I didn’t even know what I would do if he did wanted to break up. But anyway, he suddenly pulled my hands down and he pulled out a ring. He told me I was the only woman in his life who actually wanted him to have babies.”

            “Oh, that is so sweet, Penny. I’m happy for you, honey.”

            That night when Beth got home, Penny and Simon went out to celebrate their engagement. When asked to come along, she refused. Beth felt her presence would cause herself heartache. To be reminded of happier times with Brad and to think of weddings was sure going to ruin Penny and Simon’s celebration. So she stayed behind and watched old films while devouring a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. It wasn’t until two hours later when she had finished the film and ironically, the pint, when the phone rang.

            “Hello,” Beth said.

            There was a long pause. “Beth, it’s me, Brad.”

            She winced and shut her eyes. “What do you want?”

            “I want to talk to you. Can you steal a moment?”

            Beth opened her eyes and sighed deeply. “We have nothing left to talk about, Brad. Everything that needs to be said has been said. I don’t think I should come there. It’ll just end up being ugly.”

            “No, Beth, I promise you it won’t. I really need to talk to you. You…please, I’m asking.”

            Somehow, Beth found herself in front of the house she once shared with Brad. The windows were dark, although it was still light outside. She took one step at a time and before she could knock, the door opened from the inside. What she saw made the bile rise from the pit of her belly. Brad sported a beard, his hair was unwashed and it was longer than usual. His eyes were blood-shot, rimmed red; it was obvious he was drunk. He was wearing an old wrinkled blue shirt and it looked as though he’d been wearing it for days. His hands were cracked and dry; his face was red in some areas. He looked like a stranger to her.

            “Brad?” she asked as if she wasn’t sure she was really looking at him.

            He let out a soft chuckle. “Look what love has done to me, Beth. It has forced the ugly twin brother to emerge.”

            Beth didn’t laugh, although he laughed at himself. “What happened to you?”

            He stepped aside and she stepped in. The house was a mess, not the neat tidy house she once knew. There were empty pizza boxes; take out food decorated the dining table, or at least what was showing of the dining table. The floor was unwashed and she was afraid her shoes were going to get glued on the sticky ground.

            “Haven’t you ever heard of cleaning?” Beth asked angrily. “How could you do this to the house?”

            “Why don’t you ask yourself that question, Beth. We bought the house together; we were supposed to live in this house together.”

            Beth crossed her arms. “If memory serves correct, you bought the house, I just chipped in. And to make it clear, I don’t live here anymore.”

            “That’s right, you don’t. But did it ever occur to you that I’m human and I might need some help every now and then?”

            Beth frowned. “You’re drunk.”

            He brought up his thumb and forefinger and made a small gesture. “Just a little bit.”

             Beth shook her head in disgust. “You know I won’t talk to you when you’re drunk.”

            “Then when would you like to talk to me? Because when I’m sober, you refuse to return my calls. You refuse to see me. So I guess this is the way you’ll talk to me. I’m sorry for your inconvenience.”

            “Stop it, Brad! You did this to us, okay? You lied to me. Did you honestly think I wanted this mess? I’m so in love with you, but I can’t see our future together when you lie to me. Not only that, you slept with someone else. How would you deal with me sleeping with someone else?”

            He came forward and grabbed her. Beth tried to shake herself free, but he held on tight. She pushed him away, but he came back onto her. Brad was drunk and his strength had increased ten fold. Beth pushed him back, but he reached out his hand and slapped her.

            “I love you, Beth. Why are you being so damn hard?” Brad asked.

            Beth finally pushed him away and felt her cheek. She felt tears in her eyes as she stared at him. “This is the second time you’ve hit me. I’m being hard because I don’t want to spend my life with you. It was a mistake for me to come here. Don’t call me, don’t bother me, and don’t even think about coming to my job. From this moment on, we’re over.”

            It was as if a bad spell had been placed on her since her world went up in flames. Beth’s life went from being perfect to crashing into thousands of pieces. She moved out from Penny’s to her own apartment, but being alone ate at her every night. Thoughts of being in Brad’s arms haunted her and the dreams of her living her life alone visited her every night. Wherever she looked, she saw images of a life she should have had.

            The apartment she rented was on the fifteenth floor and her next door neighbors were loud in their love making. She could hear them every night and it made it harder for her to live her life. It seemed as if everyone had someone in their life, except for her. How was she go on living when the life she did have haunted her? The demons were hard to bottle up and wash away.

            Roger was constantly on her mind, with his powerful glances of sexual wanting. His name remained on her lips and there were nights where she wished she was strong enough to call him. She needed someone to comfort her. Penny was busy planning her wedding and her talks of wedding sent Beth straight to the bathroom with sickness. It was a reminder of what should have been for Beth. But she wasn’t surprised when Penny set up a blind date for her. Beth wasn’t too sure about blind dates. It always ended up where the guy was too old or too immature for her. But because Penny had such a glow to her face, she decided to go with it.

            “You’ll have a wonderful night,” Penny said as she picked up her purse. She was getting ready to leave for the night.

Beth sighed as she grabbed her jacket. She wasn’t sure about this at all. “I don’t know, Penny. He seems like a nice guy, but I’ve just been through a huge ordeal. I’m not sure I want to go out with anyone yet.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Like you have something else better to do on a Friday night? Tell me, when was the last time you went out?”

Beth opened her mouth to talk, but Penny stopped her by putting her finger on her lips. Beth removed Penny’s hand and slipped on her jacket.

“Who is this man again?” Beth asked.

“There’s the Beth I know and love. His name is Andrew Kennings, he’s from London. He’s visiting his sister here in the US. He is a friend of Simon’s. He’s wonderful, you’ll love him. Just meet him at the Timber Lodge Steak House at eight, okay?”

Beth stared at herself for the fifth time and wondered if this outfit was right for a blind date. She was wearing a black shirt with jeans and black boots with five inch heels finished her chic look. Her hair was done and it was straight. Her lips shined with some apple flavored lip gloss.

“Oh, well, here goes nothing,” Beth said to herself.

Beth entered the busy restaurant and felt her stomach flip. She scanned the room for anyone sitting alone, but the hostess made her way toward her with a menu.

“Welcome to Timber Lodge,” she said.

“Hi, I’m meeting someone here. But I have no idea what he looks like. His name is Andrew Kennings,” Beth explained.

She smiled. “He’s here waiting for you; if you’ll follow me.”

Beth smiled and followed as she led her to the back of the restaurant. The man she was walking toward was handsome in a rugged way. His hair was ashy blond and his eyes were a misty blue. He was wearing jeans and a blue shirt. He looked up and smiled as the hostess laid a menu on the table.

“Your waiter will be with you shortly. In the meantime, can I get you both anything to drink?” she asked.

He looked up at her. “We’ll take some red wine, thank you.”

She smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

He stood up, extended his hand, and in his thick British accent said, “Andrew Kennings, it’s nice to meet you.”

Beth took his hand. “Beth Taylor, the pleasure is mine.”

Andrew sat down and Beth took the seat across from him. She removed her jacket and placed it beside her. She took a moment to look at him. He was handsome, muscular, and if she was into that whole boy band look, she’d be all over him. But something just didn’t kick in and in the next hour and a half; she would wish she never came.

Andrew folded his hands before him and smiled. “So…Simon tells me you’re a photographer?”

Beth nodded. “Yes, I am. I’ve been doing it for about three years now. I really like it. Penny failed to mention what you did for a living.”

“Oh, I buy businesses that have failed to launch successfully. Then I sell the businesses to other companies for profit. I’ve been doing this since college. That’s actually how Simon and I met.”

Beth raised her eyebrows. “Oh, really?”

“Yes. You see, Simon and I were attending the same college. I came to the US for school and I met Simon in my freshman year. He was a sophomore and we hooked up. We became fast friends.”

Beth actually smiled when the waitress came with their glasses of wine. For once, she was actually glad the waitress had interrupted them. She waited as Andrew gave his order and then she ordered a salad, but the though of a burger was on her mind. When the waitress left, Andrew continued.

“I’m here visiting my sister. She’s not doing so well.”

“Oh, what’s wrong with her?”

“She has five children and her last child gave her some complications. She ended up delivering the child via surgery. When she came home, her husband had packed and left. She’s suffering from postpartum depression.”

Beth’s hand flew to her heart. “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Post partum depression is a horrible thing for a mother to go through. Aside from you, I hope she’s getting help and support elsewhere.”

Andrew shrugged his shoulders. “I asked her to seek help from a doctor, but she refused. I’m going to have a doctor brought to the house though.”

“That’s wonderful that you’re supporting her.”

“Yes, it is. Anyway, did Simon tell you about the time when we were in college?”

Beth tried hard not to roll her eyes. “What happened?”

“We were both in soccer and he accidentally kicked the ball into our goal and thought we had won,” he laughed.

Beth didn’t know what was so funny about that memory, but she smiled. Through the rest of the hour she was with him, they talked about Simon and his college memories with him. At one point, Beth thought about running for the exit. When dinner was finally over, he gave her a peck on the cheek and Beth ran to her car, without looking back.

On Monday morning when Penny strolled into work, Beth already felt her eyes on her. She tried to avoid Penny, but she walked into her office as if it was her own and planted her hands on her hips. Beth only stared at her gesture for a moment and pretended not to know why she was in her office.

Penny sighed. “So…how was your date? I called you, but you didn’t answer. Was that a good sign?”

Beth laughed and sat down in her chair. “Are you kidding me? It was a horrible sign, I was purposely avoiding you.”

Penny pulled out a chair and sat down. “So what did you guys talk about?”

Beth sighed, picked up a pencil, and held it in her hands. She leaned back in her chair and gave Penny a cold stare. “We talked about life, Simon, work, Simon, and Simon.”

The color from Penny’s face drained. “You’re kidding me?”

“No, I’m not. He talked about memories of him and Simon; him and Simon in college, him and Simon as friends. I even wondered for an instant if Andrew was gay and had a secret crush on Simon.”

Penny didn’t laugh. “Oh God, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Penny. You were only trying to help me.”

Beth got the keys out of her purse and headed toward her car when she saw Roger leaning against her car door. She felt the breath being knocked out of her and she felt hot. The way he leaned against her door suggested he had something planned for them. She heard footsteps behind her and when she turned, Gabe and Penny gave her a thumbs-up. She ignored them and walked to her car where Roger waved to Gabe.

“I see you’re becoming fast friends with him,” Beth said.

“I am; he’s great. It looks like you’re going home,” Roger said.

            Beth laughed. “But you knew that already, didn’t you?”

            He cleared his throat. “Listen, I was hoping you had some spare time to have dinner with me.”

            “I-“Beth started, but he interrupted her.

            “You have to eat, don’t you? Let’s just say I’m saving you trouble by buying you dinner.”

            After a wonderful dinner, Beth found herself sitting on a bench on Lake of the Isle, watching people jog past her. The lake was still as people stood fishing on land and on boats. The grass was dancing to the wind and the trees were asking each other to dance. Beth felt exposed as she sat next to Roger. They hadn’t spoken since they arrived and in her mind, she had no words to say to him.

            “So...,” Roger said after tossing a rock into the lake. “Are you still getting married?”

            Beth looked away. “No, I’m not. We’ve haven’t been able to talk without yelling at each other. I’ve tried to make some kind of sense out of this, but it just keeps spiraling out of control.”

            “How can you make sense out of this?”

            “I have to or else I’ll go insane.”

            Roger smiled. “Do you want to know one reason why I just couldn’t give you up?”

            Beth turned to look at him. “Why?”

            “Because you’re so strong in everything you do. You refuse to give up without giving a good fight first.”

            Beth felt tears fill her eyes as she looked at him. The moment he said those words to her, all her mind was clear. Thoughts that fogged her mind were gone and she was free. She felt her heart skip a beat and her hands begin to sweat. It was the kind of moment that she would kiss him. Beth looked away and shut her eyes for an instant before turning back to look at him.

            “Roger, how can you still love me after what I did to you?” she whispered.

            He reached over and wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. “You stayed with me, Beth, what can I say? I couldn’t let you go because I knew you still wanted me. Now, I know I will never get the chance to say this again. So the day you left me, why did you go? We were perfect together, Beth. You left me with a broken heart and now so many years later, I’m still holding onto you. Maybe if you explained to me, I might be able to let you go.”

            But I don’t want you to let me go, she thought. Beth took his hand and held it in hers. The fit was so perfect, so right for her. She looked into his eyes and felt the love she knew she always felt for him live again. She never stopped loving him, she knew that much.

            “Well…I left you because Erica told me she was pregnant with your child. I grew up without a father, you knew that. I couldn’t let that child grow up without you. Erica said you wouldn’t marry her unless I was out of the picture.”

            Roger’s hands slipped out of hers and she watched as his expression changed into an emotion she didn’t know. Beth reached out to touch him, but he moved away from her reach.

            “Roger?” she asked.

            He turned to look at her. “That was the reason you left me? You believed Erica over me?” He showed her his left hand. “I’m not married and she was never pregnant with my child. Why don’t you tell me the truth and stop telling me lies.”

            Beth, shocked, stood up. “That is the truth, Roger.”

            He laughed and stood up. “Thank you for this. I can’t believe I wasted my life trying to hold onto you. I think I liked your theory of not wanting to be with me better than this. How can you be so low?”

            “It’s the truth!” she shouted. “You don’t have to believe me, Roger. I don’t expect you to, but I know what I know. She told me that night out on the pier. She said-“

            “Stop,” Roger said. “I’ve had enough of these lies, Beth. If you wanted me to leave you alone, you could have just said so. You didn’t have to say these lies. I’ll let you be from this moment on.” He turned and walked away.

            “Roger, wait!” she cried. But he only turned his back on her and with a soft sob; Beth turned and walked back to her car.

            Beth never thought life would be lonely with Roger gone from her life. But the second time around, it nearly killed her. She worked harder than she ever worked without sparing a single moment. Because if she had one free moment, her mind wandered back to Roger and she found herself in tears. She helped Penny with her wedding and tried to look happy, but on the inside, she was dying. Her heart was on the brink of not beating and she felt her presence in this world wasn’t needed. But all that changed on the day of Penny’s wedding.

            Beth smiled and cupped Penny’s face. “God, you look beautiful. You’re going to be so happy, Penny.”

            Penny smiled through tears. “I love you, Beth. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done. I know how hard it’s been for you, but I just…I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.”

            “Oh, you’re too kind. I’ll be out there waiting, okay?”

            Beth entered the church and found the aisles already filling up with people. The priest stood by the altar looking sweaty and Beth said a silent prayer, hoping everything would go smoothly. She took her camera and walked toward the front. With one hand, she lifted the silk green dress and stepped around the gathering crowd. She set up her camera, turned around, and saw Brad making his way toward her. He had cut his hair, shaved, and looked handsome in his black tux. For an instant, she wished this was their wedding. But Roger’s face flashed through her mind and she pushed all thoughts away.

            “You look beautiful,” Brad said.

            Beth smiled. “Thank you. You look wonderful. I’m glad you could make it.”

            He shrugged. “Nothing else better to do; did she hire you to take pictures?”

            “Yes. Why don’t you find a seat. The ceremony is about to start.”

            He smiled and walked to sit down. Beth sighed and took several pictures of the church. Penny’s colors were blue and white and there were long lacey drapes that covered the church. There were yellow roses everywhere and lights decorated the church, lighting it up like the city of Las Vegas.

            Beth smiled when the organ began playing and the parents from both sides walked down the aisle followed by the bridesmaids dressed in soft blue gowns arm in arm with the groomsmen. Followed were the flower girls, four cute girls dressed in pink dresses tossing flowers as they slowly marched onward to the altar. Beth took several shots of each one as they walked down. The organ changed tunes and everyone stood up as Penny made her way down with her father. Her wedding gown was a strapless gown with a long train that was lace, her veil was over her face and even from where she stood Beth could see the tears in her friend’s eyes. When they reached the priest and her husband, her father kissed her on the cheek and handed Penny over to Simon.

            The crowd sat as the priest started speaking. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two souls. Penny McCloud and Simon Kerr found each other in a world full of souls waiting to be claimed. Together they formed a bond that will last as long as they live.” He turned to Penny and Simon.

            “Simon, please take Penny’s hands,” he instructed.

            Beth took a few pictures and then her mind faded as she caught Brad’s eyes looking at her. In his eyes were tears and she knew exactly how he was feeling at the moment. She lowered her gaze as he continued staring and then she saw his mouth move and the words “I love you” formed silently. Her heart tugged and she cleared her throat before she lost all control. She turned to her camera and took the last shots before they sealed their vows.

            The dance floor was full of couples swaying to the soft music that flowed through the reception hall. Beth sat in a chair, listening to the music, feeling lonely. When she glanced up, Brad was walking toward her.

            “Is this seat taken?” Brad asked.

            “No,” she replied.

            He sat down and laced his fingers together. He watched the couples dance for a while before he turned his attention to her. “It was a beautiful wedding, wasn’t it?”

            Beth smiled. “Yes, it was.”

            “Would you like to dance?”

            Beth sighed, took the hand he offered, and followed him to the dance floor. She brought her hands to hold him and when her hands touched his shoulder, she felt the comfort of being held. She felt tears enter her eyes and for a split second, she almost forgot what he had done. As his hand ran across her back, she had to catch her breath and she suddenly wondered why. She wasn’t supposed to feel anything for him anymore, but yet her body was betraying her; reacting to his every touch. Brad pulled her closer to him and when their bodies met, she felt a flash of electric go through her whole body.

            “Do you remember the last time we danced?” he whispered against her ear.

            Beth had lost her voice to speak. She felt tears threatening to spill as she held onto his shoulder.

            “It was at that lousy dance class. The instructor was spitting every time he spoke. I swore I got spit on more than I got dance lessons,” he continued.

            Beth laughed at the memory.

            “But I remember coming home and I knew I never wanted to share that moment with anyone, but you,” Brad whispered. “I still love you, Beth. I want you to come home.”

            Beth felt her body slip away into his and she closed her eyes. “I’m so lonely, Brad.”

            He pulled away and stared into her eyes. Then he leaned down and kissed her lips. “You don’t have to be lonely anymore, Beth. I love you so much. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I’m so sorry for everything I did. I was weak and I lost control. But now I’m smarter than that. I would never hurt you.”

            Beth shivered as his hand went down lower. “I’ve missed you, Brad; I have, I really have. But I’m afraid you’ll break my heart.”

            He shook his head. “No, baby, I love you. I’ll never break your heart. Not now, not ever. Come back to me and we can start our lives. Today when I heard the priest saying those vows, I wished to God it was our wedding. I promise you I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll give you my heart, my soul, my life, everything. Whatever you want, just name it. I’ll give it to you with all my heart.”

            Beth looked deep into his eyes and smiled. “I love you, Brad.”

Six Years Later

Beth entered the house and set her purse on the counter. There were toys all over the floor and she smiled as she bent down and picked them up. She set them into the box nearby and when she looked up, her three year old son came running to her.

            “Mommy!” he cried.

            Beth’s smile widened as she picked him up and swung him around. “Well hello my little prince. How are you?” She set him down and watched as his blue eyes lit up. Her son, Joshua, smiled at her with his toothless smile and ran a hand down his arms, a gesture he always did when he was happy.

            “I made a lot of drawings today. I drew a picture of you.”

            Beth gasped. “You did? Let me see.”

            He took her hand and led her into the dining room where Penny was feeding her twins. She looked up and waved to Beth as Joshua handed her a drawing. It was a drawing of a stick girl with hair flying in several directions. A smile was drawn on her face and one eye was bigger than the other.

            “It looks just like me,” Beth exclaimed.

            Joshua clapped his hands. “That’s what I thought!”

            “How did it go?” Penny asked as she set the dishes in the sink.

            Beth shrugged and sat down in a chair. “He said he’ll pay child support. The judge gave full custody to me and he has visitation every other Saturday with supervision.” Beth had just returned from the courthouse with the final order of her divorce. Brad was ordered to pay child support and she was granted full custody. She sighed and ran a hand through her freshly cut hair and stared up at Penny with sad eyes.

            “You won’t regret it, honey. I have to go home. Simon’s leaving work early today. It’s his birthday and if you and Joshua aren’t doing anything later on, why don’t you guys drop by,” Penny said as she gathered up her things.

            Beth sighed. “Maybe.”

            Penny took her two one year old girls and waved good-bye as they left. Joshua ran into the living room where he played with his toys and made some car noises and Beth was left in the kitchen with the heartache of a failed marriage.

            She stared at the ring on her finger and wondered why she still wore it. Six years of marriage and it all went down the drain. She removed the ring and tossed it on the table. Brad and she were happy for the first year of marriage. By their second year of marriage, she got pregnant and when Joshua was born, Brad blamed it was Joshua’s fault for Beth neglecting their marriage. It had hurt when he used their son as an excuse. He didn’t want to be a father. She stayed with him for another three years because she wanted Joshua to have a father. But he wasn’t there, he spent his time drinking and hanging out with his friends. Six months ago, she finally gave up and divorced him. Better to do it now when Joshua was young than to wait until he was older. She didn’t want Joshua to grow up like his father.

            Beth sighed and saw the pile of letters on the table. She searched through the letters when a name made her heart stop beating. Roger Tritt. Her hands froze as the name stared back at her with angry memories. She took the letter and held it in her hands for a long time before opening it.

            Dear Beth,

                        It’s been a long time since I’ve seen or talked to you. I just finished my new book. I was wondering if perhaps we could get a cup of coffee. I need to explain some things to you. I really hope you will give me the chance to explain the past to you. It’s been hard for me to write this letter to you. I hope you still live at this address. I hope you receive this letter. I hope to see you. Love, Roger.

            Beth let the letter fall to the ground and her hand flew to her heart. She gasped with tears and felt her throat close up. She shut her eyes and covered her face with her hands. Her life was insane right now, if he came back into her life, she would spin out of control. She slowly removed her hands and saw her son staring at her with questioning eyes.

            “Mommy?” he asked.

            She wiped her eyes and smiled. “Yes, honey?”

            “Are you crying?”

            Beth shook her head and walked to him. She held out her arms and he came to her. She held him and kissed his forehead. “I love you, my little prince. Come on; let’s get you ready for bed.”

            Beth walked down the stairs and started cleaning up the house. The living room was full of toys and she sighed deeply as she kneeled down. She had just cleaned up half the room when her doorbell rang. Beth dropped the toy hammer into the box and tightened her pink robe as she walked to the front door. She pulled it open and froze. Roger stood there on her doorstep with a dozen roses. She felt her body shake as she stared at him. His hair was shorter now and he looked older. But his eyes still made her melt and her knees buckled; she would have fallen over if she hadn’t held the door.

            “Roger,” she whispered. “You’re…what are you doing here?”

            Roger smiled and shrugged. “I sent you a letter.”

            “Yes, I just read it today. Congratulations on your book, I’ve seen it in stores everywhere. You’re doing well.”

            He handed the roses to her. “These are for you.”

            She took them and sniffed them. She looked up at him. “It always amazes me.”

            “What does?”

            “The color of roses; you’d think the color of a certain rose would smell the same as the color. Like red would smell like cinnamon and yellow would smell like the sun. But no matter their color, they all smell the same.”

            Roger smiled. “I’m glad you like them.”

            Beth laughed. “Come in.” She stepped aside and headed toward the kitchen as Roger closed the door and then followed her. Beth laid the roses on the table and turned around to find Roger staring at a picture of Ben on the fridge. His face drained of all color and when he turned his eyes to her they were filled with questions.

            “He’s my son,” Beth explained.

            His eyebrows went up. “Your son? You’re married?”

            “I just got divorced. It didn’t work out.”

            His face softened. “What happened?”

            Beth pulled out a chair and sat down. She watched as he sat down across from her. She put her hands in front of her and when she looked up at him, she melted when his eyes stared into hers.

            “He blamed my son for me being distant,” she whispered as tears filled her eyes. “After Joshua was born, Brad said I lost my duties of being a wife.”

            “Brad? Is this the same Brad?”

            She nodded her head. “Yes. After…the last time we spoke, I tried to go on with my life as much as I could. At Penny’s wedding, I felt the loneliness bite me. He was there and he asked for a second chance. Everything was fine at first and then I got pregnant. When Joshua was born, he was an adorable father. But soon after that, he said I was neglecting him. It got to the point where he wouldn’t spend time with his son.

            “I stayed with him for six years. I wanted Joshua to have a father. I didn’t have one and I just wanted things to be perfect. But I had to choose a decision. Either let Joshua grow up without a father and let him remember the good part of his father. Or let Joshua grow up with a father who was a bad example. I made my decision six months ago. I got granted full custody today.”

            Beth watched as Roger’s eyes filled with tears, then he reached over and held her hands. She felt the comfort of his hands in hers. It had been a long time since she’d been touched with kindness. It touched her heart and tears slipped down her cheeks.

            “I’m sorry, Beth. I should have trusted you,” he said.

            She looked up. “What are you talking about?”

            “I ran into Erica a few months back. When I asked her about what you told me, she admitted it to me. You were right. I should have trusted you. I’m sorry.”

            Beth shrugged. “It’s too late now for apologies. If only you had stayed-“

            “No,” he interrupted. “If I had stayed, your son wouldn’t be here. He’s a wonderful addition to your life. I can see it when you speak his name.”

            Beth smiled.

            “Mommy?”

            Beth turned around and saw Joshua standing in the doorway wearing his little train pajamas. He was carrying his brown bear by the leg. His blond hair was ruffled and his eyes were filled with tears. Beth got up from her chair and picked him up.

            “What’s wrong?” she asked.

            Joshua held onto her. “I had a scary dream.”

            Beth set him down and touched his face. “Its okay, my little prince. I’m here now, I’ll protect you.”

            Joshua’s eyes moved to Roger sitting by the dining table. “Who’s that?”

            Beth turned and stared at Roger. “Come on, I want you to meet a friend of mine.” She took his small hand and led him toward Roger. When they neared, Roger stood up.

            “Joshua, I want you to meet a friend of Mommy’s. His name is Roger, can you say hi.”

            Joshua hid behind his mother’s back and peeked out his head. “Hi.”

            Roger laughed. “Hello, Joshua. You are adorable, little man. I love those pajamas. I have the same kind.”

            Joshua came out from behind his mother’s back. “You do?”

            Roger nodded. “Yes, I do.”

            Beth smiled. “See? You guys already have something in common. Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

            After Beth tucked Joshua in, she came down the stairs and saw Roger waiting by the door. She felt her heart beating and as she neared him, some part of her didn’t want him to leave. But her heart had been broken too many times, one more time and she wouldn’t survive.

            “You’re going?” she asked.

            Roger nodded. “Yes, I am. Can I come back and see how you both are doing?”

            Beth sighed and rubbed her eyes. “I don’t know how to answer that, Roger. You’re not dealing with me this time. You’re dealing with a child too. I don’t want you to come in and out of our lives. The most important thing in my life right now is my son. I don’t want to hurt him. My heart has been glued back together too many times. I think I’ve had enough for right now.”

            Roger reached out his hand and touched her arm. “I meant only as a friend, Beth.”

            “In that case, you’re more than welcome.”

            Beth entered her bedroom and felt the demons haunt her. The closet was empty and the room held ghosts that dared to torture her. She stared at the bed and felt herself losing the battle. So many years of sleeping next to a body she had become so used to and then suddenly it was gone. She sat on the edge of the bed in the dark and watched as lights danced across the walls. So many dreams broken, so many hearts torn apart; and yet the future was still waiting for her.

            Tears filled her eyes as she sank to the floor and thought about her son sleeping in the room next door. How could anyone blame that beautiful creature for losing their passion in a marriage? When she thought about Brad accusing her of loving Joshua more than him, it broke her heart. How could anyone not love that child; with his innocent eyes and unforgettable smile?

            Beth wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. Too many hurtful words came into her mind and she climbed on the bed. She pulled the covers over her and stared up at the ceiling until all she saw were tiny black dots as she slipped into a heavy sleep.

            Beth pulled on a pair of black pants and finished her look with a lacey white shirt. She walked down the stairs as Penny entered the house. Since having her twins a year ago, Penny stopped working at the photography center and she hired a new assistant. But Penny was kind enough to baby-sit Joshua. Penny’s girls, Greta and Marie, came in screaming as they saw Joshua.

            Penny pushed her hair back and smiled at Beth. “Hey you, you look pretty. How are you?”

            Beth sighed. “I’m just fine. Roger came to visit me last night.”

            Penny opened her mouth. “What happened? Is he here?”

            “No, are you crazy? I won’t allow a man to sleep in here with Joshua around. Besides, the most important thing in my life right now is my son. I’m through with getting my heart broken. Roger just wants to be friends. Anyway, I’m running late. Thanks for coming.”

            “Okay, you can stop thanking me for watching Joshua.”

            “Okay. Thank you.”

            Beth entered the office and found a mess of things. The fashion coordinator was late and the models weren’t dressed. She took an hour to work on the two models and another hour to shoot the perfect pictures. When she was done, she was wiped out. She walked to her office and saw Gabe talking to someone.

            “Gabe? Who’s there with you?” Beth asked as she opened the door.

            Gabe turned to look at her. “Oh, Beth, it’s Roger. Why don’t you take the rest of the afternoon off and go have lunch with Roger, huh?”

            As Gabe walked past her, he winked at her. Beth scoffed and closed the door behind him. She turned around and found Roger had settled down in a chair. She walked to sit down in her chair and turned it around to face him.

            “I remember the last time you were here was a long time ago,” Beth said.

            “Don’t remind me, Beth. I’ve lived with that guilt for a long time. Can we go to dinner?”

            She nodded. “Sure.”

            “By the way, do you mind if we stopped on the way to your house and included your little prince?” he asked.

            Shocked, Beth asked, “What?”

            “I said we should bring your little prince along too.”

            An hour later, they were sitting down at a table in Applebee’s with Joshua coloring his cartoon book. Beth watched in amazement as her son chose his colors and how he tried so hard to color in between the lines. She looked up and saw Roger mesmerized by Joshua’s actions as well.

            “He’s so creative,” Roger said as he looked at her. “I can tell he got that from you. Have you heard from Brad?”

            Beth sighed and shook her head. “No. But it’s not unusual. Brad was never around even when we were married.”

            “I don’t mean to pry.”

            “No, it’s okay. It’s just…I don’t remember anything good about the marriage since Joshua was born. Brad was so into his own world and he hardly noticed his son at all. We were fighting day and night, screaming at each other.” Beth looked away from his eyes. “I remember this one night, Joshua was about six months old; Brad came home late from one his card games. I was so tired because Joshua had been crying nonstop and I didn’t make dinner. He blew up about how I was forgetting my place as a wife. He claimed I took on the role as a mother more than I took on the role as a wife. He threatened to put Joshua up for adoption.”

            Roger reached out and touched her hand. “I’m sorry.”

            Beth shook her head and tears filled her eyes. “You know, I didn’t have my father while I was growing up. When my mother was alive, she tried to make life as easy as it could be for me. Other people had their fathers to look up to. I just wanted Joshua to have that. To have a father to look up to, but Brad saw the world better without him. And as a mother, I love him so much; I just couldn’t close up my heart after carrying him for nine months in my womb. It’s a special bond that is formed. Brad just couldn’t see that.”

            Roger reached over and wiped her tears. “Don’t cry, Beth. The worst is over.”

            “Okay, go upstairs and brush your teeth. I’ll come up and tuck you in,” Beth said as they entered the house. She shut the door after Roger walked in. She set her keys and purse down then turned to Roger.

            “Make yourself at home. I’m just going to tuck Joshua in, I’ll be right back.”

            After Joshua had been tucked in, Beth stood at the top of the stairs, wondering how she should end this night. A part of her wanted this to end up with him leaving and a small peck on the cheek. But another part of her was raging hormones she hadn’t felt in so long. She could feel her hands shaking, her heart beating, and her body going numb.

            Beth listened for any type of sound from the man who still had the key to her heart. But no sound escaped from the living room downstairs. She slowly made her way down and saw him sitting on the couch with his elbows on his knees. His eyes looked tired and his face seemed almost pale. The room around her grew smaller and as he stood up, all the female attraction in herself exploded. She marched across the room and found herself kissing his lips. All thoughts gone from her mind as she felt his heart beat next to hers. The haziness from the years past was wiped clean and she felt surer of herself in ages. She felt his hands rub up and down her back, causing the tiny hairs on her arms to rise. Beth let out a moan and felt the heat rise from her body. With her head spinning out of control, she pulled Roger down on top of her as her back hit the couch. His male body caused her body to spark fire and when he whispered her name through a mumbled groan, she went crazy.

            Beth pushed him back, her hands grabbed his buttons, and in one instant, his buttons flew to different directions of the room. She could see the passion burn in Roger’s eyes, almost causing her to go blind with ecstasy. She breathed hard and grabbed his face for a kiss. The moment their lips touched she felt the power of letting go and the intimacy of just feeling the emotions that drove her wild. Beth laid her hands on his naked back and could feel the muscles tense beneath her palms. She felt his hands go inside her shirt and when his hand cupped one firm breast, she felt the hotness explode inside her.      

            “Oh, Roger, I need you,” Beth whispered.

            “You drive me crazy,” was his response.

            Beth gasped as he picked her up, carried her up the stairs, and into her bedroom. After he locked the door, he stripped and walked to her. She was amazed at how beautiful his body was. The moonlight shed some light into the room, casting a glow to his body, making him even more handsome than ever. Beth felt on fire as he reached for her shirt and pulled it off of her. He reached for the button on her jeans and in one swift move; she was as naked as he was. The bed tipped as he crawled onto the bed and she swore she saw a twinkle in his eyes. He grabbed her and their lips met in a never ending battle of ecstasy. When he pulled away, Beth was breathless, but still wanted more.

            “Don’t keep me waiting, Roger. Make love to me now,” she asked.

            “I thought you’d never ask,” he whispered with a slow grin.

            The slow tapping at the door woke Beth with a start. She gasped, pulled on her robe, and ran to the door. She jerked it open and Joshua stood there with tears in his eyes. She felt guilty as she bent down and grabbed him. She felt tears come to her eyes as he sobbed in her arms.

            “What’s wrong my little prince?” Beth asked.

            Joshua pulled away from her hold and through sobs said, “I had a bad dream. I want to sleep with you.”

            Those words made Beth’s heart freeze and she almost stopped breathing. She stared at his teary eyes and felt her heart breaking. Before she could answer though, his little eyes moved to the figure coming from her bed. Beth turned and looked over her shoulder at Roger. He sat staring at them both and Beth wished she had taken precautions before doing this to her son.

            “Who is that?” Joshua asked.

            “He’s Roger,” Beth answered. She was afraid he was going to cry, but to her surprise, he moved past her and into the room. Beth watched as her son walked to Roger and stood in front of him.

            “Roger, I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?” he asked.

            Beth watched as Roger stared up at her with questioning eyes and she prayed he wouldn’t break his little heart. Again, Beth was surprised.

            “I’ll protect you, buddy. Climb in,” Roger replied.

            Beth’s eyes filled with water and she stifled a sob. Joshua climbed into bed and snuggled close as he closed his eyes. Beth wiped her eyes, walked to the bed, and got in. As she did, her son wrapped his small arms around her and Roger’s feet touched hers. In an instant, she felt like a family. Because when Brad was still with her, he never allowed Joshua to cuddle next to them like this.

            As Beth lay there, she felt her world become still for the first time. The constant chasing she had been doing since Joshua was born had come to a standstill and she was afraid she wasn’t going to be able to live if everything wasn’t chaotic. When she heard the soft steady breathing of her son, she took a deep sigh, only to hear Roger call out her name softly.

            “Yes?” Beth called out softly.

            “Are you okay with this?”

            Beth felt her lips tremble. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”

            There was silence before he answered. “Are you kidding me? This kid is adorable. I would love to have him cuddle next to me forever.”

            Beth woke to the smell of bacons and pancakes. She stirred and turned to find herself alone. The room was cold and to her surprise, no feelings of loneliness bit her. She got up, slipped on her slippers, and walked down the stairs. She found Joshua and Roger sitting by the dining table, eating and joking.

            Beth smiled. “You guys look happy and goofy.”

            Joshua laughed and raised his hands. “We are the goofy twins!”

            Beth laughed as she sat down on a chair. “The goofy twins? I think that’s kind of hard to do. Roger is much too big and you’re much too small.”

            “No, mom, you’re not listening!” Joshua shouted. “We are the goofy twins!”

            “Okay, okay, you’re the goofy twins.” Beth turned to Roger. “How did you sleep, Roger?”

            “Like a baby,” Joshua answered.                   

            Beth narrowed her eyes on him, placed her hands underneath her chin, and smiled. “Is your name Roger?”

            “Yes,” Joshua answered with a giggle.

            Roger laughed. “Smart kid.”

            “Don’t encourage him,” Beth warned. “It’s too early in the morning. Eat your food, little prince.”

            “I’m done,” he said as he rushed off to the bathroom.

            Beth turned her eyes back to Roger and stared at him. His soft eyes made her feel special and the way he looked at her lips made her feel hot. She reached over with her hand, he took it, brought it to his lips, and kissed it. The touch of his lips made her heart raced and she shut her eyes, only to open them when his fingers caressed her cheek.

            “Last night was beautiful,” he whispered. “I can’t believe I was with you and I woke up to find it was real. Do you know how happy you’ve made me? And then to have that little bundle of joy cuddle next to me all night long, it was pure magic.”

            Beth felt tears enter her eyes as she watched him smile. “Thank you for not being scared last night. This was the first time he’s ever opened up to a man. He never even asked his father like he asked you.” Beth broke down as tears raced down her face. He moved closer to her, but she stopped him. “No, don’t come any closer. I have to say this before I forget. This…what you did last night was just what he needed. Since his father left, he’s been having nightmares. It’s scary to wake up to him crying and asking to sleep with me because he can’t get the horrible voice of his father yelling out of his head. You’re so wonderful, Roger. You gave him a night of peace when he never knew what it was before. Thank you so much.”

            Roger leaned over and kissed her lips tenderly. “Beth, I love you. I love Joshua. With the both of you in my life, my life is complete. If I can have you both, I don’t want anything else.”

            Beth kissed him and smiled. “You’re full of surprises.”

            The loud knocking woke Beth up and she sat up suddenly. She turned to glance at the clock on the wall. It was four in the morning. With a heavy sigh, she swung her legs over, got up, and walked down the stairs. She saw a figure pacing back and forth on the front porch. Her stomach turned when she recognized who it was. She walked to the door and pulled it open.

Brad stood there staring at her with bloodshot eyes and a heavy stare. He laughed and the smell of whiskey washed over her. Beth watched as he stumbled forward and caught himself before he fell over. She crossed her arms as he continued laughing.

“Do you realize what time it is?” Beth asked.

Still laughing, he brought up his hands to touch his head. “It’s early.”

            “What are you doing here?”

            Brad suddenly stopped laughing and his face turned dark. Then he reached out and grabbed her. Beth was thrown off and she gasped as his hand clutched her robe tightly. She pushed him off, but he pushed himself into the house.

            “Let me go!” she cried.

            Brad pushed her back against the wall and her breath stopped short from the pressure of his body against hers. Beth grabbed his hands with hers and tried to pry his hands away from her.

            “Let me go, Brad. Don’t make me call the cops,” she warned.

            He gave her a soft smile. “Why did you do what you did? Why did you have to leave this marriage?”

            Beth rolled her eyes and pushed him hard. He stumbled backward and she fixed her robe before giving him a dirty look. “You’re drunk, Brad. Why don’t you go home and sleep it off.”

            “No! You broke my life apart, you vicious bitch.”

            Beth scoffed. “If memory serves correct, you were the one who walked out of this marriage for Jack Daniels, Captain Morgan, and the lovely Gin and Tonic.”

            He pointed his finger at her. “Don’t you even turn this around on me, Beth! I loved you!”

             “And you thought I was just along for the ride? I loved you too, Brad, but you turned into a real jerk. You weren’t even here for your son. Do you know how hard it is for me to look at Joshua every day and be reminded of your failure as a father?”

            Brad’s shoulders shook, he stumbled backward, and he fell over. His legs went up and then came down with a loud thud. He started laughing and Beth shook her head. She took a deep sigh and turned when she heard the footsteps coming down the stairs. She looked up and found Roger staring at her. His eyes moved to the body lying in her kitchen and she froze.

            “Are you all right? I heard shouting,” he asked.

            Beth nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. He’s drunk, it’s his usual thing.”

            Roger walked to her and held her shoulders. “Do you want me to call someone?”

            The stirring on the floor made both their heads turn and Beth saw Brad’s shocked look when he looked in their direction. She watched as her ex-husband struggled to stand up and when he did, he pointed his finger at Roger.

            “Take your God damn hands off of my wife!” he cried.

            Beth removed herself from Roger’s hold. “I’m not your wife anymore, Brad. You should leave.”

            Brad turned his gaze toward her. “You bitch! You’re sleeping with, aren’t you?”

            “It’s not your business,” Roger interrupted. “You are not welcome here, buddy. Why don’t I call you a cab and you can go, alright?”

            Brad walked forward. “I’m not your fucking buddy!”

            “Stop it, Brad! Just go home before I call the cops,” Beth said. She watched as Brad stared at her for a long moment, before he slowly stumbled out the front door. When he was gone, she fell to the floor and sighed deeply. Roger knelt down beside her and cupped her face. She looked into his eyes and the situation that had just occurred disappeared from her mind.

            “Do you want me to stay?” he asked.

            Beth shook her head. “No. I think I can manage. He’s not coming back anyway. Just call me later, okay?”

            He kissed her lips tenderly. “Of course.”

            Beth watched as Roger drove his car away from her street. Then she turned and started to walk to the stairs when a small sound of scratching stopped her. She turned around and the front door opened. She didn’t even have time to scream as Brad jumped at her. Beth landed on the ground with a loud thud and swore her head was cracked open. Her lungs were crushed and his hands went straight for her throat. She coughed and tried to fight back, but he put all his weight on her.  

            “You fucking bitch! The only way I can deal with this is if you’re dead!” Brad cried.

            Beth fought for air as her lungs closed in on her. Her mind danced around the black spots that she saw in front of her. But the thought of her son upstairs scared her and when she tried to fight him, he threw a punch across her face. The tissue inside her cheek tore and she felt blood seep from the corner of her mouth.

            “Stop,” Beth whispered.

            “I’ll stop when you fucking die!”

            Beth reached for something, anything to save her life. Her hands closed in on a rolling pin and she grabbed it. He didn’t see it coming and she slammed it into his right temple. He let his hands go and she took a breath. Coughing, she struggled to move when he grabbed her legs. She swung the rolling pin, but he caught it. He took it out of her hands and she kneed his groin. He dropped the pin and he fell over covering his private. Beth crawled from him and that was when she saw Roger running through the broken front door.

As Brad stood up, he pulled a gun from his back pocket. Beth’s eyes widened as Roger came close behind Brad. Her lips opened and even with burning lungs, she cried out Roger’s name. Brad turned and the two men collapsed on the floor and a shot was fired. Beth cried out in horror as blood started to spill on her kitchen floor.

“Roger!” she cried as she finally stood up. She raced to where the two men lay on the ground and was relieved when Roger grabbed her. The gun had fired, but Brad had shot himself. She cried as Roger held her and the thought of losing him terrified her so much, she confessed in that one instant.

            “I love you, Roger. I never stopped loving you. I thought I lost you when that gun was fired. I don’t know what I would have done if you were gone,” Beth cried.

            Roger pushed her away and touched her cheek. “I love you more than anything, Beth. Come on, I’ll call the cops. You go and check on Joshua.”

            Beth raced up the stairs to find her son stirring quieting in his room. She rushed to his side and kissed his cheek. She fell to the ground and sobbed as she held onto his small hand. She kissed him once again before she stood up and walked down stairs.

            Roger hung up the phone and turned to her. “They’re on their way. Are you hurt?”

            “I feel like my lungs are on fire. What made you come back?”

            Roger took her hand and led her to sit down. “I don’t really know, Beth. Something inside me was feeling cold and it felt wrong to leave you.”

            Beth cupped his face and kissed him. “I love you.”

            Beth stared at the officer sitting across from her and felt as if she was being interrogated for being a thief. The officer introduced himself as Daniel Lopez, an African American man with blazing brown eyes and a smile that chilled her bones. He was tall with broad shoulders and thick arms. The look on his face told her he didn’t believe the story she had just told him.

            Daniel Lopez sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Can we retrace the story again, Mrs. Townsend? I feel like I’m lost.”

            Beth frowned and cleared her throat. “Why are you lost? I already told you the story four times.”

            “Tell me again.”

            “He came over drunk and I asked him to leave. I must have pissed him off because he came back and tried to kill me. He had a gun with him and he pulled it out. Roger came in and the two men fought for the gun. Brad must have fired and accidentally shot himself.”

            “So…your ex-husband walks in on you with your new boyfriend, and you tell him to leave. He comes back with a gun and your new boyfriend just happens to save you. Do you really expect me to believe that crock of shit?”

            Beth felt her last nerve on edge. She gave the officer a cold stare. “What part of “accidentally shot himself” don’t you understand, officer? He was the one who brought the gun with him.”

            The door opened and another man in a suit and tie walked in. He gestured for Daniel to walk out. As Daniel walked out, he turned back around and gave Beth a dirty stare. She returned the look as he walked out the door. She turned to find the man standing before her somewhat amused at her reaction. He pulled the chair Daniel had sat in before and sat down. He took out a pack of cigarettes and offered her one, but she declined. He lit one cigarette and took a few puffs before turning his attention to her.

            “I’m Detective Logan James. I must apologize for Officer Lopez. His wife left him a few weeks ago and he’s taking on these cases quite personally,” he explained.

            Beth crossed her arms. “Perhaps he should take a leave of absence then.”

            Logan laughed and put his cigarette out. “I like you.”

            “Well, seeing as the situation I am right now, I can’t return the mutual fondness for you. Why am I being held here, detective? I’ve done nothing wrong.”

            “Yes, I know, Mrs. Townsend. I came to tell you that you are free to leave. We’ve gone through the scene and I just wanted to come here and tell you that you are one of the luckiest women to get out of a situation like this alive. You are free to leave.”

            Beth walked out of the police station and found Roger leaning against her car door. She smiled, walked to him, and threw her arms around her. Surprisingly, tears came to her eyes and she held him tighter than she had anticipated. When she let him go, she saw the passion glowing in his eyes.

            “Let’s go home,” she whispered.

            On the drive home, Beth felt the silence eating away at her heart. She kept thinking about the gun shot and the blood on the kitchen floor. She shut her eyes and tried to remove the image, but it stayed. Roger’s hand across her thigh made her gasp and when she jumped from his touch, his eyes lost the passion from his eyes. Beth felt guilty as he drove toward home in silence.

            When they reached her house, she saw Penny’s car in the street, and she silently thanked the woman. She turned to find Roger waiting for her to leave. Beth reached across and touched his cheek. He turned and gave her a soft smile. Her heart melted and she returned his smile.

            “Won’t you come in? I don’t think I can face going through this alone, Roger,” Beth said.

            Roger looked at her for a long while before answering. “I’ll only come in if you want me to.”

            “Roger, I want you to. I love you.”

            Beth opened the front door and a sleepy Penny woke up from the couch. She rushed over and hugged her as Roger closed the door behind her. The comfort of being in Penny’s arms made the situation she was in easier to deal with.

            Penny pushed her away and looked into her eyes. “Are you all right?”

            Beth nodded. “I’ll live. Thanks so much for coming here to help out. I owe you my life.”

            “I owe you my life too, so now we’re even. I’m going to go. Simon is ready to go nuts; the girls have been up since dawn.”

            Beth smiled and stood up as her friend got up. “Drive safe.”

            “Thank you, Penny,” Roger said as he gave her a hug.

            Beth watched as her friend walked out the door and after the door closed, she turned to find Roger staring at her with those sensual eyes. Her body melted and when he crossed over to her, she felt the room spin. His lips met hers and the feeling inside her exploded.

            She pulled away and stared at him. “Roger, God, do you know how much I love you? I’ve been so dumb to think I was over you. The truth was, I never got over you. You were always with me.”

            He smiled and touched her cheek. “I love you, Beth. I knew in time you would come around. Even when we were together, you were always kind of stubborn. But it was your stubbornness that I loved most.”

            Beth sighed and her eyes trailed to the kitchen. The memory of Brad’s body lying there made her stomach turn. She sat down and Roger’s eyes followed hers to the kitchen. He sat down beside her and took her hands. Beth turned her eyes to his and tears filled her eyes.

            “I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this, but I can’t help it. He was the father of my child. I still share his name,” Beth whispered.

            Roger nodded. “I understand, Beth. I don’t expect you to get over this easily and quickly. It takes time, but you have to realize that he wasn’t sane when he came here. I’m glad Joshua didn’t see anything.”

            Beth lowered her head. “What do I tell my son?”

            Roger cupped her face. “You tell him that his father loves him and always will. But he had to go someplace where we all go when we die.”

            Beth entered Joshua’s room and found him stirring from his bed. She smiled, walked to his bed, and knelt down. He turned his head toward her and her smile widened. She reached out and touched his soft cheek.

            “Mommy, where were you?” he asked in a soft voice.

            Beth controlled the tears that threatened to spill. “I had to go somewhere for a while. Penny was here downstairs with you.”

            “She was? I didn’t even know!”

            Beth laughed. “Well you can thank you her when you see her later. I have to talk to you, little prince. I want you to listen to me. Sit up.”

            Joshua sat up and looked at her. “Are you okay, mommy? You look sad.”

            Beth bit her lower lip and tears filled her eyes. “No, something happened today, honey. Do you remember when we always have those long talks of what happens when you die?”

            He thought hard and long. “Yeah, I do. What happened to daddy?”

            “Daddy is in heaven.”

            Her son lowered his head. “Does that mean he won’t come around anymore?”

            Beth wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. “I’m so sorry, my little prince. But your father loves you wherever he is. He is always thinking of you and he will never forget you.”

            Joshua pushed her away and looked into her eyes. “Are you sad he’s gone?”

            Beth nodded her head and in that instant, she meant it for herself too, not just for him. Joshua wrapped his arms around her and Beth knew the days to come would be all right for them.

            “Is Roger here?” Joshua asked.

            Beth pulled away and pushed a strand from his face. “Yes, he is.”

            “Can I go see him?”

            “Of course you can, little prince. But first, why don’t you brush your teeth and shower. I’ll go and get breakfast started for us, okay?”

            Beth walked downstairs and found Roger sitting by the dining table, drinking from a cup. She smiled when she reached him. He stood up, walked to her, and hugged her. The whole memory of what had happened was gone now that he was here. She pushed him away and stared at him.

            “How’d the little buddy take it?” Roger asked

            Beth sighed. “I think he’ll be okay. He’ll be down in a few minutes. I’m going to get breakfast started.”

            “Okay, I’ll help.”

            “Thank you.”

            Beth turned off the facet, turned around, and found her son and Roger on the ground laughing and rolling. Her heart raced as she saw the love shine in her son’s eyes. The smile looked so beautiful on Joshua’s face. She felt everything vanish from her mind at the moment and knew that the future would be just fine.

            “Mommy, come here!” Joshua cried.

            Beth walked toward them and knelt down on her knees. “What is it?”

            Joshua got up, raced to her, and threw his arms around her. He leaned in close to her ear and whispered, “If Roger asks you to marry him, would you say yes?”

            Beth turned and looked at Roger. He was shrugging his shoulders and pretended to not know anything. Beth smiled as her son stared up at her. She touched his cheek and leaned in to whisper into his ear.

            “Tell him, I would gladly marry him.”