I'm Afraid To Lose



Deep in the night, I lie awake, wondering if this is where I should be. Your arms are wrapped around me, claiming your stake. I’m here, but my mind is somewhere else. I’m afraid to lose.
            The cry of your eyes seeking to find the truth in me is loud and vibrant. Your hands search for mine in the dark and even when I’m here, I keep everything withdrawn. I can’t look you in the eyes. I’m afraid to lose.
            Our lives are connected by the rings we wear on our fingers. It speaks of how we are one, united, together for an eternity. You wear yours for the love you proudly feel. I wear mine for the lies I speak. I’m afraid to lose.
            I want peace. It’s been gone from my soul for far too long. I ache to find it. Yet it’s nowhere in sight. I’m tired of loudness and wreckage. I want to find absolute comfort. But I can’t begin to tell my story. I’m afraid to lose.
            My heart is a lie. I’ve given you words of promises, but I also sent a thief to steal them back. They’re not real. It’s an idea of love built on vultures that will eat away at your soul. You give me all your all and I give you emptiness. I’m afraid to lose.

            Tell me how to break away from this. Tell me how I can mend all this hurt. I can no longer be content when you look at me that way. Your eyes give me the truth of how you feel. I’m afraid to lose. I am losing. 

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