Past Promises Chapter 5

Jedidiah sat in the driveway in his car watching the house. He wasn’t sure what he was doing here. He’d been sick of sleeping at the motel and he was in dire need of a change of clothes. He thought of the events that happened tonight and he wondered if this was what his mother meant when she said life would happen when you least expect it to. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and hung his head back. Everything he hadn’t expected to happen was happening right before his eyes and he wondered what he would do if it were to really unfold. Could he handle it?

     He got out of the car and walked to the front door. He took out his keys and was about to insert it when the door opened from inside and a young girl wearing a red tight dress stepped out. She smiled at him and walked out as a taxi pulled up. He sighed deeply, walked in, and closed the door. He saw his father descending down the stairs and their eyes met. He was dressed in a pair of black pants and a white button down shirt with the first four buttons left opened. Jedidiah knew what had happened and he was sick to his stomach. He turned away to go when his father called out his name. He tightened his hands into fists, forcing himself to control his anger.

     “Where have you been?” his father asked.

     He turned around. “Are you trying to be a father now?”

     “Stop being smart with me, Jedidiah. I am still your father.”

     “You could have fooled me. Look at what just walked out the door. You take one look at that and you tell me who is at fault here.”

     Bill put his hands into his pockets and sighed deeply. “I’m so tired of fighting with you, Jed. Why can’t we just get along? I hate doing this with you.”

     Jedidiah walked to his father and felt the tears rising in his eyes. “You want us to get along? How about you take a look at yourself in the mirror and then we can talk. You don’t even realize the pain you’re putting me through when you bring random girls here to sleep with. Have you thought about how I felt? Have you considered Mom’s feelings?”

     “Look-“

     “And don’t give me that crap about how Mom is six feet under! I don’t care what you think, but as a man, who once got down on his knees to ask her to marry him, you should respect her, even in death. How can you be so careless? You are my father! You’re supposed to be setting a good example for me, yet you’re all around town, opening up your wallet for girls to see how many hundred dollar bills you can fit in it. Have you thought about how you’re ruining my life by becoming the opposite of what a father is supposed to be? I’m so embarrassed!”

     Bill remained silent and he sat down on the couch. Jedidiah took a deep breath and leaned against the couch for support. He was tired, so tired of this. When he looked up at his father, he felt as if all the words he said had gone through one ear and out the other. He turned to go when his father began speaking.

     “I’ve never been alone. I don’t know how to do it without your mother here. She’s been the strength in me since I met her. She’s been the one to hold me together. Without her, I don’t know how to do it. The only thing that makes me forget about losing her is to give in to urges that makes me sick afterward. I’m so sorry, Jed. I’m a man, I know, but I’m acting like a fool.”

     He looked up at Jedidiah and a tear fell down his cheek. “I’m lost, son. I’m trying to find a way out, but the more I seek, the farther I become lost from the way out. I’m broken inside and I don’t know how to find my way back home. Please help me.”

     Jedididah walked to his father and took him in his arms. He realized at that moment that his father hadn’t truly mourned the loss of his mother yet. For him, she was his mother, the woman who gave him life. But for his father, she was the better half of him. And without her, he probably didn’t know how to live. Life wasn’t the same and so he shut his eyes, forced the bad out, and forgave.

     The morning sun broke through Jedidiah’s room and he blinked at the light. He turned to look at the clock on the wall and it was already mid-morning. He sighed and threw the covers off as he walked to the bathroom to shower. The water woke him up and he remembered last night’s kiss. He smiled under the water and thought he’d pay her a surprise visit today. He wanted to see her more than anything.

     He dressed in a black t-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts and hopped in his car. He drove to her house and found the door wide open. He parked and walked in to find Anna in a yoga pose that had her butt in the air and one leg up high. He smiled, enjoying the view. She was wearing a pair of tight white shorts and a little pink t-shirt that showed her black bra strap. Her hair was tied up in a loose bun and he could see sweat beads forming on her shoulders and neck. She let her leg down, stood up and bent down to touch her toes when her head came between her legs and she saw him. He waved. She stood up and turned around to face him, breathless.

     “What are you doing here?” she asked.

     “So what other position can you get yourself into?”

     She gave him a sneer. “That’s for me to know and for you to never find out.”

     He laughed. “You looked kind of cute there.”

     She reached for the remote, turned the TV off, and set it down. “You didn’t answer me.”

     “What do you think I’m doing here?”
     “Beats me.”

     He walked toward her and she backed away until her back hit the couch. He crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side. He continued staring at her until she blushed and looked away. When she returned her gaze, the shyness was gone; in its place was annoyance.

     “Anyone ever tell you you’ve got a staring problem?” Anna asked.

     Jedidiah laughed. “That’s a first.”

     “Stop staring at me.”

     “I can’t because I can’t stop thinking about how good your lips felt against mine.”

     She opened her mouth to talk, but he placed a finger on her lips. He lowered his lids and stared at her lips. When he moved closer to her, she placed both hands on his chest.

     “Don’t, Jedidiah,” she whispered. “I’m not sure last night was supposed to happen.”

     “Why do you say that?”

     “Have you thought about what would happen if the summer should end? You’ll be back in New York and I’ll be going home. We’re three thousand miles apart from each other. I don’t like long distance relationships. It doesn’t work out and it always leaves me broken. I say let’s not begin something we can’t continue.”

     He blinked. “It doesn’t matter if we’re apart. We can figure this out.”

     She walked around him and ran her hands through her hair. “Look, let’s just not do anything more right now. Let’s just…let it go.”

     “Let it go?” he asked. “What are you saying? Tell me you felt something last night when I kissed you.”

     She didn’t answer.

     “If you tell me you felt nothing, I’ll leave you alone. But I know that you felt something because you responded to me like no one ever has before. Don’t you understand? We’re meant to be together. Why do you think we’re where we are right now?”

     “I don’t know, Jedidiah, but I’m not about to go pursuing something that will end up with me in pain when you leave. You don’t do that to someone you love.”

     He smiled and then he laughed. “Do you realize what you’ve just said?”

     “What?”

     “You just admitted you loved me.”

     Anna opened her mouth and then shut it. She turned on her heels and began walking away as Jedidiah grabbed her hand and turned her around. He smiled as she jerked her hand free from his hold.

     “Ok, so you don’t love me,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

     “You’re cute, but you’re not that cute.”

     He pretended to be hurt. “That really hurt.”

     “Good. It was supposed to.”

     He sighed and reached out to touch her cheek. “Look, Anna, are you really going to walk away from this? Are you really going to just let it go and go on with your life knowing that if we held on, we might have the real thing?”

     Anna shrugged. “The real thing?”

     Jedidiah reached for her hand and pulled her closer to him. “The real thing, sweetie, is like honey on your lips. The real thing is like Christmas morning knowing you have the biggest present underneath the tree. The real thing is like lightning across the sky because nothing can ever replace it. The real thing is like homemade lemonade; its taste can’t be found anywhere else in the world.”

     She began to cry. He wiped her tears and then captured her lips. He kissed her lightly and when she began to respond, he deepened the kiss. He laid his hands on the small of her back and held her against him. She felt right, perfect, and pure. Everything about her was driving him crazy and he could feel his pulse pounding. He grabbed her cheeks and pulled away to look at her.

     “Anna, what are you scared of?” he asked.

     She swallowed hard. “I’m afraid that one day the relationship I am in turns out to be exactly like my parents’.”

     He ran his thumb across her cheek. “What is your parents’ marriage?”

     “They’re not married anymore. They’re just together. It’s a sad story of pity that eats away at everyone involved in their lives. It makes me frightened of falling in love. Every day is a sad day in their lives.”

     Jedidiah took a deep breath and took her hands. “When two people are in love, their hearts are joined together by sacred words of love and trust. If they are strong, their world will always be sealed with that love and faith. If they are weak, a little rain can cause them to drown. I know that life is unpredictable, but there is also light in that unpredictability. If you can see past the clouds, you can find a way home.

     “Do you know, the first time I saw you, you were the light in my dark path? We were strangers who just happened to cross each other. I had no idea I’d ever see you again. You were just a girl that made my heart beat in a different tune. But when I woke up in the hospital and you were there, the world turned from shades of gray to black and white. You brought something alive in me and since then, I’ve been aching for you.”

     She finally smiled. “Is that your confession of loving me?”

     He took a deep breath. “Yeah. Did I pass?”

     “You did so good that I’m going to kiss you.”

     “Great. Now I can breathe.”