Past Promises Chapter 9

Anna turned to go when she felt arms around her. She started to tear up as she heard his cries muffled by her hair. She pulled herself away and turned around to find that it wasn’t Owen as she thought, but it was Jedidiah. Owen was standing staring at them. Jedidiah was crying; his face distorted with an emotion that made her heart ache. He slowly fell to his knees and took her hands.

     “You’ll kill me a second time, Anna. I’d die for sure. The first time I watched you walk away it left me in a haze. I was lost and now that I’ve found you again, you can’t leave me. If I have to watch you walk away a second time, I’ll die.”

     Anna felt her hands shake as she fell to the ground. She cupped his face and pulled him into her arms. The warmth of their bodies together brought peace to her pounding heart. She finally silenced the agony in her heart and as she breathed deeply, she realized that only with him in her arms, could she face all the destruction. Only with him was she unafraid to face life, even if there was nothing left. She would rather have him than have anything else.

     He pulled away from her and kissed her deeply. “This world is deep and vast but with you, I can face it. You’re the blend of ingredients for perfection. You can’t deny me the world’s greatest gift. I’ve been searching for it through hell and back.”

     “Anna,” Owen said.

     She turned and looked at him as he came to help her stand up. He stared at Jedidiah and then he took her hands. She watched as his face wrinkled with something she’d never seen before. He took a deep breath.

     “Do you love me?” he asked.

     Anna turned to glance at Jedidiah who was still on the ground. She looked at Owen. “I do, but not like how you want me to.”

     Owen rubbed her knuckles and took a deep breath. He pulled her closer to him. She could see the struggle in his eyes. He looked exactly like this when she had told him that no matter how long he tried, she would never give him her heart. She felt his pain even now as she stared at him. She felt the guilt fill up her heart. But like Jedidiah had asked her, could she rob him of true love? She took his hands and held them.

     “Owen, I can’t hurt you like this. You love me deeply and I want you to find someone who will be able to return that to you. I want you to find someone who will feel what I feel for…for Jedidiah.”

     Owen let out a long sigh. He grabbed her and held her. “How can you just stand there and tell me that? I love you so much and you’re just telling me to leave? It’s going to kill me. You’ll learn how to love me.”

     Anna pulled away and cupped his face. “I shouldn’t have to learn how to love you, Owen. True love should just come freely. If you have to force it, is it even sincere? I don’t want you asking yourself every night if I will love you like how I loved him. That’s not how a couple should be. A marriage is a sacred vow between two people. It’s a tenderness that is passed through touch, laughter, and promises. It’s more than desire; it’s faith that the other one will return your love without even asking. It’s a deep devotion that no one will ever understand even if they were to dig through everything.”

     Owen swallowed and tears filled his eyes. “I’ve lived my life in a world of my own for so long. When I first saw you, I saw a flash of us together. You touched something deep inside of me that I never thought anyone could ever reach. How can I just let you go? You’re my balance, my reason, my strength. Please don’t walk away just yet. Give me a chance to make you feel something.”

     “Owen, I love you like you’re my best friend. You’re like the one man in this world who I can talk to without worrying about anything. But I can’t find it in me to love you like you deserve. You shouldn’t let me be the last. You’re so full of life. I hate to make you go through life knowing you could have more.”

     Jedidiah stood up and walked to them. “Owen, I’m sorry.”

     He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Why is life so unfair?”

     “I’ve asked myself that question since she walked out of my life.”

     Heather walked to them and crossed her arms. “She has been the reason for your cold shoulder?”

     Jedidiah turned to her. “She’s my reason for existing.”

     Tears filled her eyes and she let out a soft sob. “All this time, you made me think it was because I wasn’t good enough.”

     “You are good enough, but just not good enough for me. Heather, you’re a great woman, trust me. There is another man out there who is better for you than me. You deserve him, not me.”

     “What if I don’t want anyone else? What if I’m willing to settle for you?” Heather asked with thick emotion in her voice.

     Jedidiah sighed and shook his head. “I’d never let you settle for anything less.”

     “Why not?”

     He walked to her and touched her cheek. “Because I’ve felt the real thing and that is what you should live for.”

     She shook her head and threw her arms around him. “I don’t care! All I want is you.”

     Anna watched Heather and felt a small tinge of pity for the woman. She swallowed and turned her gaze to Owen. He was staring at her. Then he moved toward her and kissed her. It caught her off guard and she stumbled backward losing her balance. But Jedidiah caught her before she hit the cement. He helped her up as Owen started to cry.

     “Do you know that in the six years we’ve known each other, that was our first kiss? She has never let me near her,” Owen cried.

     Jedidiah held her arm as she steadied herself. Owen cursed under his breath and took off toward his car. She tried to follow, but Jedidiah held her. She watched as Owen drove off into the night. When she returned her gaze, Heather came toward them.

     “You have been a shadow following him around. You’ve won, you know. I hope you love him because if you don’t, I will personally rip your heart out.”

     She stared at Jedidiah and then took off. Anna watched her go and then the silence filled the air. She was shaking as Jedidiah turned her around and stared at her. The way he looked at her was as if he was seeing right through her heart. It made her tingle with fear and desire. She wanted him. Every part of her throbbed and she found that only him could take away the pain. Only he could fulfill the hole inside of her heart. She ran her fingers up his arms and to his neck where they rested. He covered her with his body and let out a shaky breath.

     “There’s something I’ve wanted to do since I saw you this afternoon,” he whispered.

     She swallowed. “What is that?”

     “This.”

     He kissed her deeply until she felt they were breathing the same air.