Mist & Fog 12

When I walked back out to the restaurant, Broderick was alone and waiting for me. He took one look at me and stood up silently. I didn’t say a word as we walked out to a taxi together since my mother’s driver had driven us there. In the ride to our hotel, I kept my hands laced together and eventually, Broderick pried one of my hands free and laced his hand with it. When we reached the hotel, we went in and once inside the room, I walked to the bathroom, preparing to soak when he followed me. I turned around and stared at him; he was already unbuttoning his shirt. I turned away and he came up behind me.

            “Sweetheart, talk to me,” he whispered.

            I couldn’t say a word; the tears came instead. He turned me around to face him and he held me as I cried into his arms. My father’s image flashed through my mind and when I thought about how carefree my mother had been today, it hurt even more. When I felt my throat go dry and sore, I stopped and pulled away from him. He kissed the tip of my nose and wiped my tears.

            “Let’s soak in the tub.”

            He drew a bath, poured in some bubbles, and got us into it in no time. Once I was covered in bubbles, he began to massage my temples, working his fingers through my hair. I relaxed as he ran his fingers down my back, letting the water drip from his fingers onto my skin. He kissed my shoulders gently at first; then I felt his teeth on my skin. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply as his hands slid down my back, gently drawing soothing circles on my skin. I started to melt when his tongue flickered across my back. His hands were now making their way up the sides of my ribs and I felt the rush of the heat from his fingers making me ache all across my body. My toes were curling as I panted when he grabbed the lobe of my ear and pulled.

            “I love it when you respond to me,” he whispered.

            I moaned.

            He nipped my neck. “And I love it when you moan like that. You stir all the fire in me.”

            I turned my head and he kissed me deeply, making me slosh water over the tub. I shifted and he turned me around to straddle him. He grabbed a hold of my locks and pulled gently. I groaned as I felt his erection between me.

            “Tonight, I’m going to make you forget everything, baby. Forget this pain. I’m going to make your head spin with such deep pleasures you’re going to be exhausted,” he said.

            “Yes, please, take this pain away from me.”

            “I will, baby. I’m going to start right now. Are you ready? Hold on to my shoulders. It’s going to be a wild ride.”

 

            The wind was blowing through the opened window as I lay next to Broderick, who was sleeping. I could hear the cars passing by outside and the street lights were shining into our hotel room. I couldn’t sleep. I felt literally drained, but every part of me kept replaying what happened between my mother and I. I turned to Broderick and pressed a kiss to his cheek. As I sat up I saw my cell phone flashing; someone was calling me. I got up and walked to pick it up. It had my mother’s name on the screen. I looked away and thought about answering it. But in the end, I let it go to voicemail. A few moments later, I had a message. I pressed the button and listened as her voice came on.

            “Natasha, darling, please pick up. I need to talk to you before you leave. Please call me. Please.”

            I felt the sob rise in my throat as I dressed in jeans and a sweater. I grabbed my purse and headed out of the hotel room. I needed some air. As I entered the lobby, I found my mother sitting in one of the chairs. I was surprised and shocked as she stood up when she saw me. She was dressed in a plain white sweater and a pair of jeans. She looked more like the woman I’d grown up with. She came toward me and I could tell that she’d been crying. I felt the pang of guilt eat at me. She smiled gently and then she extended her hand. I took it and she led me out of the lobby.

            The night air was cooler now and as we started walking, I felt as if she had a story to tell me. I watched her walk for a few moments and then I stopped. She stopped a few steps ahead of me and turned around to glance at me. Her eyes seemed almost hollow and I knew she was fighting with herself. She walked back to me and took my hands.

            “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

            I bit back the tears that came crawling through my eyes. Then the sob tore at me and I threw my arms around her. Her fragrance hit my nostrils and I felt as if I was a small child again. I needed her comfort, her warmth, and her love. She held me like she used to and I felt as if in that moment, everything was going to be okay.

            “I’m sorry,” I said as I pulled away.

            She shook her head and pushed my hair back, wiping my eyes. “No, don’t apologize. I’ve been foolish and I’ve acted like a child while you’ve been the grown up all along. I should have told you the truth.”

            I took her hand and led her to sit down on the bench near the corner of the street. “I was hurting and I said something stupid.”

            “No, darling, you spoke the truth, that’s all. You’re more courageous than I ever will be. You can speak truth unlike me who would rather cloak it in folds of lies. I couldn’t face the truth and I led your father in a blind marriage. I’m so sorry.”

            I lowered my head and stared at my hands. “Why?”

            She sighed long and hard. “I was young and thought I was doing the right thing by marrying someone my parents didn’t like. I grew up getting everything I wanted and when they disapproved of your father, I married him to spite them.”

            “Did you even love him?”

            “I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him. There’s a difference. With Stuart, I am in love.”

            I listened and then the ache of being motherless washed over me. “I don’t understand how you could do this to me…to my father. Although you didn’t love him, did it ever occur to you that he was in love with you? You meant something to him and he married you because he believed you were in love with him too. How could you lead him on like that? To have me and to create a family when your intention was never to stay?”

            She turned to me and took my hands. “You have to understand, Natasha. I thought if I stayed with him, eventually the emotions of love would develop. But as the days wore on, all I felt was deceit and I couldn’t do that to him anymore. He was living his dream while I was searching for mine. Do you really expect me to just give up and live my life in misery?”

            “Of course not, but those are the thoughts you should have thought about before you married him. You were childish in your actions and destroyed my father’s chance at love. Now he will never love again because he believed you were his one true love.”

            She started crying and stood up. “I’m sorry.”

            I stood up and shook my head in disappointment. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

            I turned and walked away as she called out my name. I let it drown out by the cars passing by and hurried back to the hotel. I let the tears run freely down my face and when I entered the hotel room, Broderick was standing by the window, dressed in only a pair of jeans. He walked across the room and pulled me into his arms tightly.

            “I thought you ran from me,” he said.

            I pulled away. “No, never.”

            “I woke up and you were gone. I didn’t like the feeling.”

            I sighed. “My mother called me and I went to get some air. She was here in the lobby.”

            He sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Are you alright?”

            I nodded. “I’ve got some answers now that I didn’t before. But I fear that our relationship will never be the same again. She’s done some pretty nasty things that I don’t want to talk about. Get my mind on something else.”

            He smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. “I can do that. It’s what I love to do.”