Wake Up Your Soul

I wake up at my usual 5 am time to get my kids ready for school and my baby girl Wysteria kicks awake, not being able to bear me being away from her. I change her diaper and settle her downstairs in the living room before I wake up the older kids for school. My six year old Azalea wakes with a bloody nose and as I help her contain it, my eight year old Maximus wakes to wash up while my ten year old Nathaniel lies in bed stretching.

    The house is full of water running, toilet flushing and voices rambling on and on about who is taking too long and who isn’t doing anything. The two boys finish and my daughter brings me a brush with a tissue up her nose to keep the blood from dripping. I ask her what she would like me to do to her hair today. She shrugs and says she doesn’t know. So I brush her hair and I’m saddened that in a few years, she will not need me to do this for her. She will be able to do her own hair and not need me. I quickly finish doing her hair and we walk down the stairs.

    I walk out with them when the time comes for their bus and we stand in the cold Minnesota weather waiting. My kids are rambling on about how they can’t wait to be in Kansas where their father is and not have to worry about snow. I see the bus round the corner and as always Maximus says bye Mommy. As soon as the bus comes to a standstill, the three are running as I shout for them not to run in case they fall. I hear the bus driver greet them with a jolly good morning. And the bus drives past me as I wave to them.

    I come back inside the house and I’m greeted by my baby girl’s bubbly laughter. I bring down a blanket and lay on the couch as I hear my phone ring and it’s my husband, calling me from 9 hours away. We chat a little and he finishes the call with his soft tender words of I love you. I hang up and I miss him terribly. Boss Baby is playing on the TV as my baby girl babbles. My oldest Karina is sound asleep a few feet away and upstairs is my four year old Hektor who is snoring and I’m sure has kicked the covers off of him. I curl the blankets around myself and I drift off to sleep.

    This is my morning routine every single day. And as I continue to think about it, I feel as if time has stolen so much of my precious moments. As much as I try to hold on, it slips away from me. Most people tell me that my job as a stay at home mother is worthless and I should just get a job, do more with my life. What they don’t know or refuse to accept is that I do have a job. I run businesses at home while my full time job is being a mother. My children’s lives are swiftly moving along and they’re growing up as I am getting older. Each moment of each day when we wake and do the same routine, I tell myself today I may lose my temper and words I do not mean may come out, but one day…one day, I will miss these morning rambles with my children. One day when they’ve grown and moved out of the house, and there are no toys on the floor, no more hair to brush, no more getting ready for school…I will miss this and I will cry.

    So you see, I am working on my life as best I can. I may not be rich. I do struggle and I do ask for help when I have nowhere to turn. I have broken down and cried. I have bled and I have failed. I have had no choices to make and I have lost. But what I have at the end of the day…is a loving home and a man who looks at me like he did 25 years ago when he first said I love you. I am rich in my heart and my home and there’s nothing out there worth giving that up.

    Remember to take a moment out of each day to reflect on your life and be thankful. In the fast pace we live in today, we will forget to pause and be grateful. Forget the text you just got; forget the notification from Facebook…focus on the presence in front of you: Your Life.