Loss

This past weekend, it was my Uncle Yaj Pov's funeral. As I sat there listening to the family discuss his achievements and his love, it hit me so hard. I was once again at my own parents' funeral and mourning them. Loss itself is such a hard thing to endure. We wake each day and have to find the energy to figure out how to move on when moving on seems the last thing to do. In life, we are born and then we die. It is a journey we all must follow and live through. Perhaps this is why we must love hard and live well. It is to create an everlasting image in others of us and an imprint in our minds of what we have created.

Death is a hard subject to face and going through it is very lonely. Sometimes you find the day makes fun of you and the night haunts you with memories. It's a task you find you must use your strength to even lift a spoon to eat. The walls hum all the memories you shared with that one person and you don't know if you will ever be able to smile again. The voice you long to hear, the face you want to see...gone forever. All that is left is pieces of them in photos and in your heart. When the funeral and the vigils are taking place, you find you have some sort of comfort because people are around. But when it's all over and you have to return to reality, that's when it hurts the most. That's when loneliness finds itself in your life and embeds itself to your soul. That's when you have to find a way to live.

For me, I knew that it wasn't going to be the same. My life had changed the moment my parents died and I knew that nothing would ever be the same as it was before. I would have to figure things out on my own even though I had been living on my own. But having them there and them no longer living is different. When they're there, you can simply pick up the phone or visit them to talk, to smile together, to laugh and to share a dinner. When they're gone, all you get to visit is their gravestone with the dates of their birth and their death. You can't hear their voice, you can't sit with them and you can't laugh with them. As much as they are here in a form you may not see, their absence creates a hole in your heart. It never heals...no matter how long time tolls.

For those who have lost a loved one, remember to keep them alive in your heart. Live for the moments they could not and laugh for the reasons they would have. Strive to be the best for them.