Keep It Lit

This year, I celebrated 22 years of marriage. It's amazing how fast time flies when you're in love. I dread to think how long it must be if you're not. I love listening to Saib Lom Zem on YouTube and hearing May or Niam Ntsuab Tem talk about life stories makes me ponder how sad it must be for women who had no choice in picking their partners in life. I had the ability to choose mine and my life, although I may not have a mansion or nice cars, I'm filthy rich in other departments. I have a husband who appreciates, loves and cares about me.

Keeping it lit...what does it mean? It means to keep your marriage alive by not forgetting about why you married your spouse. You must always continue to date your spouse. Set aside a day a week to spend it with them. No matter how busy life is, you must dedicate one day a week to date your husband or wife. That one day will be the day just for you. Sometimes when we become parents, we forget we were once lovers who could not get enough of one another. We bathe our kids, discipline them and raise them and in between that and our daily work lives, we lose ourselves. We become blind to our spouse and pretty soon, our marriage loses its spice. Our eyes may start to wander to others because what we lack at home, we make up in others. But the problem began with us and the solution is us.

You first must take the opportunity to want to be a better person to your spouse. Start by paying attention to their needs. Sometimes we forget that a day at work is nothing compared to a day at home with the kids. At work, we get breaks, lunch time, and sometimes get to be by ourselves. At home with the kids, it's a constant battle of trying to get everything done and we have no breaks even in the bathroom. So remember that we all need a break and we need it together.

When you agree to marry your spouse, you are promising life together by caring for them whether it is bad or good. That means you promise to be the light when needed and the answer to their prayers. Can we always be the answer they are looking for? Maybe not but we can always be the shoulder to cry on. We can always be the comfort they need. And we can always lend a hand.

My 22 years of marriage has taught me to become less selfish and to look beyond what the eyes may see. It has taught me to love without fear and to be open to all that may come my way. I've learned that things I can't control are not worth worrying over and that only what my spouse thinks of me is should be important. I have learned to be a better person and I have learned to love myself. I have also learned to see myself through his eyes. And that is when I know that I have grown.