Mirage Chapter 3

Angie hadn’t thought about what she would do if one day her heart should betray her and suddenly love again. This was the day she feared the most because she was afraid if she did love, she would forget about Luke. She was afraid if she loved, it would be going against everything she and Luke had promised each other. Did it mean that she was going to be unfaithful? Can you be unfaithful to someone who wasn’t alive anymore? The more she thought it over, the more confused she became.

            When she arrived home, she spent the evening thinking about the afternoon conversation with Brad. A part of her knew that she very much wanted to open up to Brad and at least try to move on again. But another part of just couldn’t erase Luke’s image and she felt as if she would be lying to herself if she stepped forward. In the end, she would hurt Brad the most. She was afraid if she opened up her heart, old wounds may surface and she wasn’t prepared to accept that.

            While trying to fix herself a simple dinner, her mother arrived and she wasn’t sure if she really welcomed the company knowing how she felt and what she’d experienced today. But her mother walked in with an arm full of groceries, a smile on her face, and Angie felt guilty for having such thoughts. Her mother hadn’t aged at all and Angie felt she’d aged more than her mother had. She was still graceful, elegant, and timeless as ever.

            “That’s what you’re having?” Dawn asked looking at her salad.

            Angie stared at her plate and smiled. “Yes. Why? What’s wrong with eating healthy?”

            Dawn laughed and shrugged. “Nothing, of course, except when you look like you’re skin and bones.”

            “No, I don’t.”

            “You need a real meal, sweetheart. Come on, let’s eat a meal together.”

            Her mother’s idea of a real meal included her favorite, meat loaf, homemade biscuits, and steamed carrots. She ate every last bite and then her mother brought out her homemade banana nut bread. She ate three slices and leaned back in her chair, running her hands over her belly, satisfied.

            “Oh, God, now I know why I couldn’t lose any weight while living with you,” Angie said.

            Dawn laughed and took a drink of her wine. “A meal is not a meal unless you can stretch afterwards and sigh.”

            “That is very true, mom. Thank you so much for cooking tonight. I did need a real meal.”

            They cleaned up the dishes together and afterwards, the two of them walked out to sit by the grass to watch the sun set. Angie felt a pang of sadness enter her as she did every night when this time rolled around. Sitting here, smelling the air, and remembering how it was with Luke right before he left her, made the memories harder to forget. She sat close to her mom, holding her arm, and her head against her mother’s shoulder. It made the memory of her and Luke closer than ever and she started to cry.

            “It’s been a few days since I’ve seen you. I hope this isn’t how you are every night,” her mother said.

            “I try not to be,” Angie whispered.

            “That’s not very reassuring.”

            Angie straightened and lifted her head off. “I’m not sure how you did it, mom, when dad left. I’m not sure how you pieced yourself together and he’s not even dead. He left you for someone else.”

            Dawn sighed and took Angie’s hands. “Honey, there are things in this life that you simply can’t control. You have to understand that if you let those things tie you down, you’re simply going to live your life full of regrets. You may look at me as if I’m a strong woman, but I’m not made of iron. I’m flesh and blood and as much as it may look like it today, I didn’t do so well after your father left.”

            “Really? That’s so surprising.”

            “Why is that so hard to believe?”

            Shrugging, Angie replied, “Well, for one, I hardly ever saw you cry.”

            “Crying doesn’t justify hurt or anger. Crying is a way to let out emotions. I didn’t cry because I didn’t want you to see me. When I was alone, I was near insanity. I had to make it look like I was strong for you.”

            Angie swallowed hard and squeezed her mother’s hand. “I’m sorry if you felt you needed to do that for me.”

            “No need to be sorry, Angie. I knew that if I had to break down, I would have done it in front of you, if needed. But everything worked out fine and I’m happy.”

            “Does it ever end?”

            “Does what end?”

            Angie sighed deeply while the sun began to make its way to the horizon. “Pain.”

            Dawn ran her fingers through Angie’s hair and nodded. “It does, sweetheart, it does. Maybe not right now, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, it will end. Everything has an end, my dear. It may not come swiftly, but it will come.”

           

            The night owl was outside hooting as Angie sat in her room writing in her diary. She listened for a while and then turned to look at the clock. It was close to midnight already and tomorrow Susan was off. She was opening, which meant she had to be there early and stay late to close. She set her diary aside, reached over to turn off the lamp, and settle under the covers to find her lost in a dream with Luke and his soft hands.

            The morning was misty with light rain as Angie opened the bakery. It was a Friday and she was the one responsible for opening on Fridays and the weekends since Susan liked to come in later on those days. She turned on the lights and put the dough of the desserts into the oven to bake. She took down the St. Patrick’s Day decorations since the holiday had passed and dug out the Easter decorations. She heard the timer buzz off for the desserts to be removed. When she finished setting up the cookies and sweets on the trays in the front store, she walked to the back to grab the box of pink garland to decorate the countertop. When she returned to the front, a man was standing in the store dressed in a gray jogging suit. She smiled and was about to greet him when he pulled out a gun at her. She dropped the garland and her hands went up immediately.

            “Take whatever you want,” she said. “Don’t hurt me.”

            He was shaking and there were tears in his brown eyes as he tried to steady his hand. “I don’t want to hurt you. So just hand me all the money in the cash register.”

            Angie walked to the register to do as he asked when the door opened and Brad walked in. The robber’s hand was shaking so hard that he accidentally dropped the gun on the floor and it went off. The shot fired into the roof and Angie screamed. Brad punched him and he fell over to where the gun lay. He grabbed it and pointed it at Brad as he got up.

            “That was a dumb move,” he said. “Get over there next to her.”

            Brad quickly walked to her and took her into his arms. “Are you ok?”

            She nodded as tears fell down her face.

            “Now, continue taking out the money,” he ordered.

            She removed herself from his hold and opened the register. She took out the dollar bills and handed them to him. He took them and stuck it into his pockets. Then he gestured for them to move against the wall. They did as they were told.

            “Face the wall,” he ordered.

            “Look, she already gave you the money. Just leave,” Brad said.

            “Shut up and quit being the hero. Don’t you know? Heroes always die first,” he said.

            Angie was frightened and she stumbled over her feet. If Brad hadn’t caught her, she’d gone straight to the floor. She faced the wall and the tears wouldn’t stop falling down her cheeks. Would life end this way for her? Was this how Luke felt when he was about to die? Knowing that he never had the chance to say he loved her again? Flashes of seeing Brad coming to the bakery daily made her heart ache. She knew that deep down, try as she might she knew that she enjoyed his company. She knew that somewhere along the line, she was fighting her heart to not want to like him. The stars knew it because they aligned each night perfectly. It was telling her that it was alright to love again. This moment, here, standing beside him, with a gun at her back, knowing that in a split second, her life could end. She knew somewhere deep inside; she fought against him because she liked him. She enjoyed his company. Yes, she loved Luke deeply, but Brad touched her some place Luke hadn’t yet. It was a new feeling, a new desire, and she was frightened so she tried to deny it.   That was when she turned toward Brad and found his eyes gazing into hers and realized at that moment that she could love Brad. She could love him and in this one moment of life and death, she knew she could find comfort and love in Brad. So she reached for his hand and surprised him when she moved closer to him. He squeezed her hand and she smiled at him.

            “I love you,” Brad whispered.

            She felt the sudden rush of life swim through her by hearing him say those words. She let out a sob and threw her arms around him. The robber was standing there with his eyes full of tears and then suddenly he dropped to the ground and began to sob. It surprised both of them and Angie let Brad go. When he dropped the gun on the ground, Brad took out his cell phone and handed it to her.

            “Call the police,” he said.

            She took his phone and did as he told her as Brad went to grab the gun from the robber, who was still sobbing uncontrollably on the ground. When the cops arrived a few moments later and had him in handcuffs, he muttered an apology to Angie as Brad handed the officers the gun.

            “Did he harm you?” one of the officers asked.

            “No,” Angie said.

            “He just confessed that his wife left him and he didn’t know how to deal with it. He thought robbing a store would satisfy his anger, but when he saw you two together, he couldn’t finish the job.”

            Angie swallowed hard. “I understand. Tell him that I won’t press charges as long as he gets help.”

            “I’ll do that.” He handed her the money. “Here’s the cash.”

            “Thank you.”

            “Have a good day.”

            As the officer left, Angie walked into the store with Brad. As soon as the door closed, Angie threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. She started to cry and everything began to make sense. Her mother was right. Pain did know an end. It wouldn’t end completely, but it would slowly numb to the point where she would find forgiveness and the strength to move on. Brad pulled away and cupped her face, wiping her tears away.

            “What were you doing here so early?” Angie asked.

            Brad shook his head. “I don’t know. I just wanted to see you so badly that I couldn’t wait. I knew that you opened on Fridays. I just had to see you.”

            She swallowed and took his hand, holding it to her chest. “I was so scared when he had that gun on us. I was so afraid.”

            “What were you afraid of?”

            She looked up at him. “I was afraid of dying and not letting you hear that I was starting to like you.”

            Brad smiled and grabbed her face. “I was afraid I wouldn’t get to kiss you.”

            “So kiss me now.”

            When his lips touched hers, a jolt of life jerked into her body, making her respond to the infectious passion he was feeding her. Her fingers caught the hair at his neck and the strands teased her skin, making her heart stomp as loud as a stampede. She was floating above the air as his lips teased her. The feeling of life, of rebirth, burned her like a fever, making her skin roar. It felt like it was splitting her flesh apart, exposing her to a world of endless pleasure. When Brad pulled away from her, she was breathless and her heart was begging for more. She grabbed his collar and pulled her against him and rose on her toes to deliver a kiss that roared with ecstasy, a kiss that was full of devotion to him entirely. When she pulled away, he was the one that was breathless as he laced his fingers with hers.

            “Wow,” he whispered as he cupped her cheeks. “That was worth dying for.”

            She shuddered and then wrapped her arms around him. “I had this flash of dying and not being able to tell you that I enjoyed your company. As much as I tried to fight my feelings, I knew that one day, I would end up giving in. But today, knowing your life was at stake, I had to say something.”

Brad touched her hair and nuzzled her neck. “I love you so much, Angie. Everything about you makes me feel so right. When I’m near you, it’s like coming home after being lost. Do you know how good that makes me feel? Just knowing that I’ll see your face after a long day is enough for me to endure everything. You’re my existence, Angie.”

            He pulled away and cupped her face. “I had a lot of violence growing up. Everything in my life was full of turmoil and my life was an unpredictable raging storm. I didn’t know that a woman like you could calm this storm in me. Do you know? The day I met you, the sun began to finally shine and it cleared up an entire lifetime of pain and darkness. How can I get my sunshine go?”

            A tear escaped and he wiped it away. “I won’t go anywhere. I’ll be right here.”

            “You promise?”

            She nodded. “I promise.”

 

            Susan closed the car door and stared at Angie who was closing the door to the bakery. When Angie locked the door and turned around, Susan gave her a quick hug. Angie had an eventful day from being robbed to confessing her feelings to Brad, she was exhausted. Susan showed up when Brad and she happened to be kissing and laughed at the thought of Angie in danger. She had said out loud that the only thing Angie was in danger of was being under Brad in her bakery. That made Brad laughed out loud, but it made Angie blush like crazy. Brad had stayed the entire day with her to keep an eye on things and Susan kept stealing glances at them, waiting to catch them kissing again. It didn’t happen.

            “Well, now I know that you’re taken care of, I’ll go home,” Susan said.

            Angie laughed. “You go on home. I’ll be fine.”

            “Of course, who wouldn’t with him on your arm?”

            “Ha, ha.”

            Susan blew her a kiss, got into the car, and drove off as Brad rounded the corner after taking the garbage out. As soon as he neared her, he reached for her hand and she gave it to him. For Angie, she’d miss the nearness of someone who loved her completely. Although her heart was still recovering, she was allowing a bit of herself to open to him. It was better than losing him altogether. The best part was that he understood her and accepted it.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Angie said as she squeezed his hand.

            Brad smiled and touched her cheek. “How about you come over to my place and I’ll cook us a fabulous dinner?”
            She raised her eyebrows. “You cook?”

            “Oh, yeah, I can cook.”

            “What do you cook?”

            “I can cook a lot actually. But you’ll have to come first to find out.”

 

            Brad’s home was a one bedroom condo with the view of downtown Minneapolis. She arrived to find beautiful life like paintings and when he said it was his, she almost cried. Some were mixtures of violence and death and some were of sorrow and pain. The paintings spoke to her and they screamed his stories. She had yet to learn of him. His condo was absolutely stunning; fit for an artist like him. He had a good taste in décor and she found herself enjoying her time in his home.

            Brad was right. He could cook. He’d made them a gourmet meal fit to be in a five star restaurant and opened up an excellent bottle of wine. In his home, he was relaxed and comfortable and she liked that side of him. He didn’t allow her to clean and when he was washing the dishes, he’d rolled up his sleeves and she saw the tanned skin with light hair decorating his thick forearms. He was a very good host and while he cleaned up, she skimmed through his music collection.

            “Put something on for us,” he said.

            Angie searched through a few titles and finally put on a slow jazz tune. She heard the water stop and she walked to the window to look outside. As the music surrounded her, she felt his hands around her waist and her eyes closed. He turned her around and slid his hands in hers, pulling her closer to him, and guided her toward the floor as they began to slow dance.

            “I’ve wanted to dance with you for so long,” he said.

            Angie made a face. “I suck at dancing.”

            “You can step on my toes.”

            She laughed. “I warned you.”

            He smiled and inched closer to her. Then the smile faded from his lips and he swallowed hard as he stared at her. “Angie, I want you to know that under no circumstances, do you have to feel as if you have to let him go in order to be with me. I know that what you had with him was beautiful. I just want you to know that I won’t try to replace him.”

            She felt the tears fill her eyes and she wrapped her arms around him. “You’re so understanding, Brad.”

            He kissed her head. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re betraying him. But promise me one thing.”

            She looked up at him. “What is that?”

            “Promise me that you won’t compare us.”

            Angie nodded and took his hands. “I won’t compare you, but I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed to know that I won’t let you make love to me. I’m not ready.”

            He shook his head and touched her cheek. “It’s not making love to you that made me wait this long, although I’d love to do that too. It’s winning your heart that is more important to me. I’ll take what you can give me on a daily basis. You give what you can.”

            She smiled and leaned into him. “Thank you.”

 

            It was amazing how letting someone in changed your life. Angie felt as if her entire world changed overnight. From that one moment she realized she couldn’t lose Brad, her life shifted from lonely to fulfilling. It felt as if she was on top of the world again. She discovered her laughter hadn’t died when Luke did. She came home at night smiling even when she was looking at pictures of her and Luke together. She now knew what her mother meant when she said that life could begin again by trying. She admitted that in the past, she allowed everything to fall apart because she hadn’t been willing to try. She thought if there was nothing left, why give life another shot? But Brad’s entrance in her life proved that life can begin again.

            Tonight, it had rained and it was hard and angry as it spit against the windowpanes. She was sitting in her room watching the drops hit the glass and wondered why it was so angry. She had a light dinner and finished talking to Brad on the phone. She was dressed in a pair of white shorts and a pink t-shirt with her hair up in a high bun. Across her lap was her diary, which she was writing a letter to Luke, asking him to be happy for her newfound relationship with Brad. She felt she owed him that much. Her fingers traced over the words she wrote and smiled at the thought of Luke smiling at her for her bravery wherever he was. She looked at the ring on her finger and for the first time in almost five years took it off. There was a suntanned line where the band had been and she rubbed her finger over it. She stared at the diamond and kissed it, holding it close to her heart. She took the ring and slipped it on her right hand. Smiling, she moved the diary off of her lap, turned the lamp off, and snuggled under the covers.