Mirage Chapter 2

Present Day

            Lying in the darkness, it consumed Angie as her memory went back to a place that ate away at her insides. It was filled with a time where she was happy with someone who loved her more than she ever thought possible. She ached in places that no one could heal and her veins were swimming with his laughter. Four and a half years of nightmares that kept her awake at night. Four and a half years of tears for what might have been. Angie sobbed, her heart tearing as she held the dog tags that had Luke’s name inscribed on it. Life was unfair and unjust. If she closed her eyes, she could feel him next to her and could remember how he smelled, how he tasted when she kissed him, and she would end up lying in a ball of crying heap until her mother arrived to help her.

            She’d tried to move on. She did. She tried. But everything that surrounded her reminded her of him. Their friends, Nick and Susan’s wedding, where Luke was supposed to be the best man; her 24^th birthday where he was supposed to take her on her first boat ride; and their magical wedding that would never happen where they were going to be husband and wife. She stared at the engagement ring on her left hand. Her mother had told her to take it off, but she couldn’t find the strength to. She felt as if the ring was her security blanket to face the world. It served as a protector of her and it helped her remain sane.

            Angie sat up and turned on the lamp, staring at the empty room before her. Since Luke died, she’d had no idea what she was going to do with the house he lived in. She didn’t want to sell it because it had been the only belonging of his heritage. So when her rent came to an end, she packed and moved into his house. Her mother had been upset claiming she was setting herself up for disaster. It wouldn’t help her move on and she was too young to remain tied to a man who was no longer alive. But Angie wanted to do it. It was miserable for the first few weeks, but she endured it. She knew that it needed a new owner and she had to be that owner. She didn’t want anyone to change the house because Luke had loved it the way his grandparents had it arranged. She kept everything the same and each day when the sun set, she sat down by the same spot by the pond and watched the sun until it disappeared from the horizon. Each night, she slept in his shirt and when she woke in the morning, she would find that the world hadn’t changed overnight.

            Sobbing, she hugged her knees and wished that she could feel him once again; the strength of his arms around her, the sound of his voice to soothe her and his kisses to deliver assurance that she was going to be alright. It was a helpless feeling numbing her from head to toe, leaving her without a path to follow. She was lost, so far from home, with no destination in sight. She was empty, restless, and she’d cried an ocean of tears. She’d prayed to see him in her dreams so she would know that he didn’t die in vain. But each night, all she dreamt was him crying out in help and she woke up in sweat, crying, knowing that he suffered until his last breath. She knew that he died whispering her name on his lips because in her dreams, all she could hear were the sound of him whispering her name until she woke up.

            The sound of her cell phone ringing jerked her awake from her crying fest and she turned to grab it. Her mother’s name lit up on the screen. She didn’t want to talk to her mother right now. But she knew that if she didn’t answer, her mother would come over. Angie didn’t want her mother to see her this way. So she wiped her eyes, cleared her throat, and picked up the phone.

            “You sound funny. Are you alright?” Dawn asked.

            “Mom, it’s two in the morning. Why are you calling me?” Angie asked.

            “I was just worried. I always worry that you’re not getting enough sleep.”

            Angie smiled. “I’m fine.”

            “I wish you’d come home.”

            “Mom, this is my home.”

            “You know what I mean.”

            Angie knew. “Yes. But I want to stay here.”

            “You have no obligations, sweetheart. He died and there’s no reason for you to stay there. You two weren’t even married yet.”

            Angie cleared her throat to keep a sob from escaping. “Well, I assure you it’s nothing like that.”

            “I hope not.”

            “Anything else, mother?”

            “No. Good night, sweetheart.”

            “Good night, mom.” As soon as Angie hung up, she sobbed.

 

            The door to the bakery opened and Angie looked up to see who walked in. Then she quickly turned away and busied herself with something else. Her best friend, Susan Gene, stared at her with confusion and turned to glance at the male stranger who walked in. When Angie made no attempt to greet him, Susan cleared her throat and walked forward. Angie kept her back turned to them and focused on tidying things up at the desk behind the counter.

            “Hi,” Susan said. “Can I help you?”

            He stared at Angie’s back and then his gaze moved to Susan’s. “Hi. I’ll have a cup of coffee and a piece of your blue berry pie.”

            Susan smiled and returned to get his order and purposely brushed Angie on the back. She felt it and knew she should turn around and smile. But she just couldn’t because this particular man wasn’t someone she wanted to smile at. When Susan rang up his order and he paid and left, she finally turned around. Susan was staring at her with her big blue eyes. She swallowed and when Susan began tapping her foot, she let out a big sigh.

            “What?” Angie asked.

            “You’re going to stand there and say that? After what happened just now? You were fine until he walked in and then you turned into a stone. What did he do to you? Who is he?” she asked.

            “He’s nobody.”

            “Could have fooled me. You better start talking and it better be good. He’s a good customer.”

            Angie tried to walk past her, but she blocked her. “Susan, please.”

            “No, what’s wrong? Did he hurt you? If he did, tell me so I can get rid of him.”

            Angie sighed and shook her head. “No, he has never hurt me.”

            “Then why the sudden cold shoulders?”

            Angie sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “His name is Brad and he keeps asking me out.”

            Susan laughed. “That’s it?”

            “What do you mean, ‘that’s it?’”

            “Sorry, Angie, but there is no harm in what he’s doing. I realize that you loved Luke deeply, but he’s gone, sweetheart. You can’t keep torturing yourself by not moving on. Brad is easy looking on the eyes. You should go out with him.”

            Angie shook her head. “No, he’s not for me. I’m someone who has a past.”

            “Are you serious saying that? Sweetheart, everyone has a past. I’m sure he’s got one too and it’s filed away in a locked cabinet. Look, the thing is, you have to move on, ok? It’s been almost five years now. You can’t do this to yourself. Nick and I love you so much and we hate seeing you suffer. We loved Luke too. He was one of our best friends. But you can’t do this to yourself. It’s not healthy.”

            Before Angie could argue, Susan walked to her and gave her a hug. The embrace brought tears to her eyes and she sniffed lightly. The door opened and Susan ushered her out to the back room. When Angie made it out the door to the back alley, she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. She needed to calm herself down before she made a mess of herself at work. Susan had understood with her outbursts because Luke had been a good friend of hers as well. But she needed to pull herself together for the sake of the customers. No one wanted to buy desserts from a woman who kept crying in the backroom.

            Susan’s little bakery, “Sweet Tooth,” opened six months after Luke died. She asked Angie to help her run the store, to give her a bit of life back, and to have Angie start new again. At first, Angie was hesitant because she wasn’t sure how it would turn out. But when she began, she realized that she looked forward to seeing people walk in the door to the smell of the sweets Susan made. She soon began to look forward to coming to work and if she had a bad night, the customers who smiled at her made her day. She was just learning to be happy again until Brad entered her life six months ago. Since then everything went downhill.

            Brad, a simple man who walked into the store one day on a whim, and fell head over heels in love with her. He began coming in every day when he knew she was there and starting up conversations with her. At first, she thought he was just a returning customer until one day he took her hand and confessed his love for her. Since then, she tried to ignore him when he came in and it didn’t always work because some days Susan wasn’t there and she had to face him. He began bringing in flowers to her and asking her out on dates. But she ignored him every time and hoped he would stop. But her refusal made him even more determined to win her.

            She sat down on the log stump Susan brought over a few weeks ago and sighed deeply. Her heart wasn’t sure why she was rejecting him. Angie wasn’t sure if she was saying no because she really wasn’t ready or because she found herself more attracted than she admitted. Yes, Brad was easy on the eyes with his dark hair, bright blue eyes, and strong muscular frame. But she just couldn’t find the words to say she was ready to love again. She hung her head and sighed.

            “Why didn’t you talk to me today?”

            Angie shot her head up and found Brad standing before her. She shot to her feet so quick that the log stomp turned over. She ran for the door, but he beat her to it and slammed his hand against the frame so she couldn’t open it. She turned to go, but he grabbed her upper arm and turned her around, slamming her back against the door. The look on his face was pure anger as she turned away to avoid looking into his eyes.

            “You just stood there and treated me like I was a stranger,” he said.

            Angie tore his hand off of her and walked away from him. “Don’t come here anymore, Brad. I thought I told you last time that you I didn’t want you coming around.”

            “I wanted some blue berry pie.”

            She turned around. “Then why does it matter if I speak to you or not?”
            He smiled and walked to her. “I still want to hear your voice, Angie.”

            “I’m not interested. I told you that numerous times. I’m not ready.”

            “And I said I would wait no matter how long. I only asked that you didn’t shut me out of your life. Isn’t that what you’re doing right now? Shutting me out?” Brad asked with clenched teeth.

            “I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready. I don’t want to hold you down. Please, Brad, just let it go.”

            He swallowed and shook his head. “No, I’m sorry, I can’t do that, Angie.”

            “Why?”

            “Because every part of me is aching to love you.”

 

 

            Brad Quentin would never understand why it was until now that love struck him. It struck him hard and it struck him fast. It left him feeling helpless and breathless. There were times where he felt as he could close his eyes and feel the clouds. His head had been in la la land since he met Angie. His heart told him to stop pursuing her when she said no and told him to go away, to leave her alone. But his head told him if he did, some other guy would get her and he would end up feeling sorry for himself. From how she reacted to him, he knew that something had been wrong in her love life. Perhaps some guy hurt her really bad and she was now left without her heart. But he was willing to wait if she took forever to piece it back together. He was because he felt she was worth waiting for.

            The first time he met her, he swore he’d died and walked straight into heaven. The smell of the bakery made the thought almost real. There she was, beautiful and pure, and when she smiled, he melted into a puddle. He felt as if the inner core of his body finally bloomed and he became a man. He’d never seen anyone more fit to become his wife or the mother of his children. After that, he visited the bakery daily and the more he visited, the deeper he fell until his heart was no longer his own. She was like a breath of fresh air that cleansed his dark soul. He had been lost for so long and when he discovered her beauty, her purity, he found home.

            Brad grew up in a very violent home with a drunken father and a gambler for a mother. As an only child, he had no one to turn to for help when his father beat him to a pulp. He soon learned that the only way to avoid all pain was to pretend to be invisible. He got very good at it. He stayed away from his father and avoided his money hungry mother in the hopes that his skin would stay bruised free. During the times where he was in school, he discovered that he could draw and art became his passion. He secretly kept a stash of paint and colors in the closet so when his father locked him in there, it was his way of pretending that his world was perfect.

            He would draw mountains where he could pretend to fly as an eagle. He drew homes where there were tables filled with food and love, where families sat together instead of breaking apart. In the drawings, he became a person he loved and admired. He became someone else who had a family who loved him for the person he was. There were times where tears were stained on the paintings of families holding hands. He made a silent prayer each time he drew the paintings. In each brush stroke, he prayed that his life would become just like his paintings. But when he woke, he found himself still locked in the closet, hungry and his skin oozing with puss from infection.

            When Brad was sixteen, he left his home and never looked back. It was a stormy night filled with as much rage outside as inside his own home. His father, drunk as always, began to look for something to pick on; his dinner wasn’t cooked right, the laundry was folded wrong, the house wasn’t clean, sex wasn’t good anymore. He yelled and pounded on the walls until pictures broke. Brad’s mother hid in the bedroom while Brad packed his clothes. He wasn’t going to stay and be the punching bag to his father. He was a good person and he intended to live his life without pain. If his parents chose this life, so be it. He’d had enough and he wasn’t going to take it.

            As he left the house though, he heard a gunshot and by the time he ran back inside, his mother lay dead bleeding from a gunshot wound and his father was standing before her with his eyes wild and bright, hungry for more blood. He didn’t even say good-bye to his mother; he left and called the cops from a payphone. To this day, whether his father was dead or alive, Brad couldn’t care less.

            He dropped out of school and began working at a small diner as a busboy. All the money he earned, he saved in the hope of one day purchasing something worthwhile. After he turned 18, he went back to school, finished his high school degree, and went on to college where he made his dream as an artist a reality. Coming from nothing to making and getting everything on with his own two hands was something most couldn’t do. But yet one thing was still missing from his life and that was Angie.

            Out of all the things he’d discovered in his life, she was the only thing that scared him because with her, he was slammed with emotions so wildly unknown that it left him numb. He fought with her emotions that were new to him and he watched from the sidelines. Brad thought he knew most pain in the world, but hers was something he had never associated with. She was always sad and she kept to herself. He’d watched her while he waited in line to be serviced and he caught her sometimes shying away from the customers to wipe away her tears. Perhaps it was because he’d been through a rough life, but he wanted to be the one to wipe her tears away, to show her that tomorrow was another day, that he could love her enough to ease all pain.

            Brad also noticed that she wore an engagement ring on her left hand. He had never seen anyone with her and although the ring meant a sacred vow of someone owning her, he hadn’t seen proof that someone did claim her. If so, where was this man? Why leave her alone to suffer? He’d thought long and hard, waited to see if anyone came around for her. When no one did, he finally asked her out. Her answer of a simple and harsh “no” left him fishing for answers. His curiosity grew and he was determined to win her heart, even if it took forever.

            Today was another day for him, another day at the art studio, and before going there, he was nearing the entrance to Sweet Tooth. As soon as he opened the door, his smile faded because the other girl, whose name tag read, Susan, was standing behind the counter. He forced a smile and walked to her, his hands in his pockets. She was a pretty girl with blue eyes and light brown hair that held some highlights. She wore a wedding ring and he’d seen a husband and child with her before. His eyes gazed toward the back room and when Susan spoke, he returned his gaze to her.

            “Angie isn’t here today,” Susan said.

            Brad smiled uncomfortably, knowing he’d been caught red-handed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything.”

            “I understand. She told me everything about you yesterday.”

            He cleared his throat, his interest peaked. “She did? Can I ask if it was good or bad?”

            Susan smiled and folded her hands together. “Let’s say it’s nothing you haven’t heard of before.”

            “I don’t mean to be rude. I do love your desserts and coffee. They are incredible. I really like her, a lot.”

            “Who doesn’t?”

            Brad smiled. “I’ve been trying to get her to go out with me for a few months now.”

            “So she says.”

            “Can you help me out? I mean, I see a ring, but I don’t see a guy around. What’s the story?”

            “Look, I’d love to help you out, ok? But she’s my best friend. If you want to hear her story, you’ll have to ask her. I don’t want to hurt her.”

            He nodded, understanding. “Ok, I understand. Thank you. I’ll have my usual.”

            Susan got his coffee and piece of blue berry pie. She put it into a bag and handed it to him. “Days like this, parks are the places that calls people’s names. There’s one park that you will find her and it’s facing you as you walk out. If you break her heart, I’ll break your bones; on the house today.”

           

            Brad found her sitting on the bench throwing bread crumbs to the ducks in the pond. She was dressed in jeans and a pale pink sweater with her hair braided off to the side. She looked really pretty today and he felt his heart thumping against his rib cage. The ducks must have sensed him because they scattered off and she turned around to see what had caused their reaction. As soon as she saw him, she stood up, her face written with the same pale emotion he’d always seen.

            “I went by the bakery today to get my usual. Susan pointed out that you were here,” Brad said.

            Immediately, he saw betrayal in her eyes from her friend. “Figures.”

            “Don’t get upset at her.”

            Angie wrapped up the bread crumbs and tossed it into the garbage bin. She crossed her arms and sat back down. He walked to sit down beside her and set his coffee and bag aside. They were quiet together for a while before Angie spoke.

            “I love it here. It’s so beautiful. It’s almost as if this place can’t find any sorrow or loss. It’s so peaceful. I wish I felt that way,” she said.

            “Why don’t you feel that?”

            “If you knew, you would understand.”

            “Perhaps if you explained it to me, I would.”

            She turned to look at him. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

            He reached over and caressed her cheek with a finger. “Because I’m falling in love with you.”

            She looked away from him. “Don’t.”

            “I can’t help it.”

            She faced him again. “Brad, you don’t want me. I’m broken. Do you see how I am today? I’m lost and missing screws in my head. Why would you want that? I’m nowhere near perfect. A guy like you who looks the way you do should be with someone who is perfect.”

            Brad couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you saying you’ve refused me because you think I want someone perfect? Angie, you have no idea what you’re saying. I don’t want anyone perfect. I want you. To me, you’re the perfect one.”

            Tears filled her eyes and they trickled down her cheek. “Why? Why do I have to be the perfect one?”

            He took her hands. “You just are. Why can’t you accept that I love you and want to be with you? Do you have someone else you’re waiting for? If you do, say his name and I’ll leave you alone.”

            She was quiet for so long that it frightened Brad. “Luke.”

            Brad slowly let her hands go and swallowed hard. As a man to his word, he stood up and sighed deeply. But as he turned to go, what she said next stopped him in his tracks.

            “He’s dead.”

            He turned back around and sat down, once again, taking her hands. “I’m sorry.”

            Angie looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “I loved him so much. A part of me always will. I can’t get over him. He’s stuck so deep in my heart that I don’t know how to remove him.”

            “I wouldn’t want you to.”

            She started to cry. “Don’t you get it, Brad? I don’t know how to move on without feeling like I’ve betrayed Luke. He’s been a part of my life for so long that I don’t know how to live without him.”

            “Did he give you that ring?”
            She touched the ring and nodded. “He asked me to marry him before he got shipped off to war. He was supposed to come back in six months and we were going to be married. But in four months, I got a letter and his dog tags.”

            Brad looked down, feeling the hurt from her voice. He turned her face toward his and wiped her eyes. “Angie, I’m so sorry. But he’d want you to move on. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You can still have him in your heart always. I will never want you to remove him. But let me ask you this. Do you have enough room for me too?”

            She sobbed and looked away. “I don’t know, Brad. I just don’t know.”