Get Into Houa's Mind

  All my life, I've always felt oddly out of place, like I don't quite belong. I was a loner in school. I didn't have many friends and most people didn't like me. I was afraid of being judged so I kept to myself. I walked down the hallways alone and seldom had people to hang out with. The people who did know me and hung out with me were my cousins.  I remember someone asking me once, "How many friends do you have?" I began counting my cousins, nieces and sisters. They stopped me halfway and said, "No, no, no. Those are family. I'm asking about friends." I realized I had none.  And then I met someone, someone amazing, someone who understood me without me having to say anything. Someone who could just read my mind and know instantly what it is like to be me. Someone who loved me for all I am and accepted all that I was.  My husband.  He became my best friend. He heard all my stories, wiped my tears and nurtured my soul back to life. He took all tha...

  Lub ntiaj teb no loj thiab dav heev uas rau kuv txoj kev ntshai loj tshaj qhov kuv lees tau. Txhua hnub thaum lub hnub tawm tuaj, kuv sawv los xav tias hnub no rov yuav pib dua tshiab. Es kuv yuav ua qhov twg kom txawv nag hmo lub neej thiaj li yuav sawv? Tab si, yam kuv paub tias kuv yuav ua tsis tau ces yog kuv yuav nrhiav kuv niam hneev taw npaum twg los ntshe tus dej hiav txwv twb muab tshoob mus ua av tag. Es kuv yuav mus nrhiav kuv niam tus hneev taw qhov twg?  Sij hawm khiav ceev heev, zoo yam ib tug tub sab los nyiag caij nyiag nyoog mus ua nws tug es tseg qhov tsaus ntuj rau koj. Kev quaj ntsuag ces tsis muaj leej twg khiav dhau li es sij hawm yog tus thiaj qhia tau tias ntiaj teb twb tig lawm mus pes tsawg zaus. Ua ib sim neej nyob, yus niam tus ntxhiab nim ploj kiag mus lawm yam tej hneev taw ua dej muab tshoob mus, tsis tseg ib yam dab tsi rau yus nco.  Thaum leej niam yug tau yus los ntshav liab vog es leej niam nim muab txhais npab los puag rub yus rau hau...

  Morning is a time where your body is beginning to wake, to jolt with energy as the sun comes through the blinds, allowing the rays of the sun to kiss your body. For some, morning is a time to reflect, to open up their hearts and minds, to allow peace to penetrate their bodies. The smell of infant fragrance lying beside them to remind them of innocence. The warm blankets of a night spent together wrapped together like vine. Morning is a time where your mind is beginning to form thoughts of what to do for the day and how to accomplish it.  I love mornings.  But what I love most are morning prayers. Have you ever said a morning prayer? Perhaps you might recognize it if I were to flip the vocabulary and say meditation? Those are the best things to do to begin your days right. To be healthy in mind, body and soul as you piece together your mind with your beating heart to begin anew.  I love mornings. But what I love most are morning reflections of yesterday's lesson. Ha...

  Do you see ghosts? That's one of the first of many questions I am asked when people seek answers to shamans. One of the many horrors people think we carry on our backs is the ability to see ghosts.  I will tell you...NOT ALL DO.  Everyone's ability is different. Some do see physical forms, others see blurry shadows, others are completely blind to it. Some hear voices while others hear nothing. Some communicate freely and openly while others can't.  What has led to this belief? Perhaps the growing up in a household where it is used to put children to bed. Like the old tale of "monsters in the closet," and the story gets twisted and changed over time. By the time it gets back to its original owner, the true writer no longer recognizes the truth. It's been edited so much that it is now just another story added to the dust.  Our gifts are special and unique. Everyone is not the same and if you ask one shaman, they'll tell you something different from another...

  Today, January 8th, is a heavy day in my world. I found out that a very close aunt of mine passed away. She was like a mother to me and embraced me openly with welcoming arms when I married my husband. It has saddened me so much and my heart is left open with an emptiness that I cannot find a way to fill up. Losing her feels like losing my mother all over again.  23 years ago, I married into this family and she welcomed me so warmly that I never questioned her love. She always had a smile, laughed at my jokes and was present in all I did. Over the years, we grew so much closer when we went on retreats of the Vang family together. There, I saw her not as an aunt, a grandma, but as a woman, who loved, cried and hurt. She showed me what it was like to lose a husband at such a young age, to fight in a community where a woman without a husband was deemed unworthy and how much she truly loved her children to remain their mother for all their lives. I will never forget how she spok...

  Them: A woman should follow orders and not have a mind of her own. Her voice should never be louder than her husband's. A woman should only speak when spoken to and remain compliant in all that she is.  Me: A woman should follow her heart and have her mind as a way to keep her sane. Her voice should be as equal as her husband's. A woman should only speak her heart and never lie to herself and remain confident in all that she is.  Them: A woman should give up her dreams to support her husband. She should remain bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen where her job is to cook, clean and serve her family. Her purpose is to bare children and bless her husband with her love without question.  Me: A woman should give her husband support and dream at the same time to reach her goal. She should remain in heels and pregnant by choice in the house where her job is to give nutrition, blessings and grow her family. Her purpose is to create life with her husband and bless him wit...

  Purple. It was my mother's favorite color. And perhaps because she loved it so much that it became mine. I grew up seeing her eyes flicker with life at a deep purple blouse. Her smile widened when she would receive a blouse with beautiful lavender floral prints. Purple was the most amazing hue on earth that could bring a smile to my mother's heart and soul.  Those who knew my mother was often reminded of how she was always laughing and carried an honest smile. She never let pain become something that bothered her. I grew up watching her struggle with so many health problems from gall bladder stones to having emergency c-sections to a tumor forming in her head, taking away her mind. Yet, purple was what she remembered.  I remembered when I visited her during her months where her mind was gone. She had an emptiness in her eyes that gnawed at my heart and ate at me where I was so helpless. She'd look at me with a strange longing but yet never finding out the true reason. Y...

  Kuv niam, kuv txiv, lub me xyoo tshiab nim tawm plaws es pom luag tej nim muaj niam muaj txiv hu plig peb caug tshiab es kuv nim ntsuag ntsuag nos. Pom luag tej nim pub ib leeg ib lub qe rau tej tub tej kis, es kuv txhais tes nim tsis muaj dab tsi, qhuas li tos. Hauv kuv lub siab es quaj twj ywm tias ntshe lub npe niam thiab txiv es yuav ploj nrhees mus lawm ib sim. Kuv niam, kuv txiv, lub me xyoo tshiab nim tawm plaws es pom luag hnav tshiab li kiv, es luag nim ci tsa iab mus pov pob luag li ntxhi. Es kuv tsis muaj daim tshiab hnav phim luag es kuv nim txaj txaj muag mus nrog luag ua ke. Mus txog twg los luag lub suab luag nrov seev li tos es kuv lub suab nyiav yuav nrov toob ntuj.  Kuv niam, kuv txiv, luag hais tias niam thiab txiv tuag ces vaj tsev ntuag, luag hais tias niam txiv tuag ces yuav quaj ntshav kua muag. Es zaum no, ntshe yog kuv os, kuv niam, kuv txiv. Yuav pom ib tug lub suab zoo li neb los yuav nco yuav seev. Yuav xav kom thaum tig los es yog neb los ntshe t...

  Kuv Niam, Koj ib leej ntxhais, hnub no, paub kiag lawm tias kev tu siab zoo li cas. Cas thaum tseem yog koj tus me ntxhais es, nim tsis paub quaj, tsis paub tu siab, nim noj mov nrog lub suab luag. Es nim no, nqos ib dia mov es nqos ib lub kua muag. Tsis muaj chaw mus tham qhia leej twg li os, kuv niam.  Yus txoj kev sawv mus ua Nyab es nim tsis zoo li lub siab xav. Lub suab tsis muaj ib lo lus zoo hais los luag cem tias niag Nyab tswv yim tsawg. Lub suab muaj hais los luag cem tias niag Nyab khav theeb. Xav caum yus txoj kev npau suav los luag cem tias ua Nyab caum tej kev npau suav yog mus tham hluas nraug.  Hnub kuv sawv kev ntawm kuv txiv neb los mus ua nkauj Nyab, es kuv lub siab nim quaj twj ywm tias zaum no, kuv yog tus qhuas lawm. Hnub twg tuaj txog ces koj yuav kom kuv rov mus tsev vim kuv tsis yog koj dab koj qhuas lawm. Hnub twg kuv chim siab hu tuaj nrog koj tham los luag yuav cem tias kuv thaug xaiv. Hnub twg kuv muaj kev zoo siab hu tuaj qhia koj los luag ...