Get Into Houa's Mind

What is being happy to you? As children growing up, we always think that we will never grow old and everything will always be the same. That was our happy. Being able to play as much as we can without care. That was our happy. Then we became adults. Ah, the reality check that playing all day long doesn't do it anymore. We have responsibilities and we must work for certain things. Then we find out about jobs and that we can get paid. We buy new things. That was our happy. Today, with the busy life we all live in, what is your happy. What is your recipe for happy? Is it a loving partner? A good job? An accomplished resume? A lot of people think that in order to be happy, you must have a lot. Quick question: What is more if you are not happy? That's the question you should be asking. Honestly. Here's my happy: I'm happy to wake up and find I have another day to live. Having lost both parents and watching them perish before me, I am HAP...

It's been a few months since I last visited my parents gravesite. The last time I was there was to put my father into the ground next to my dear mother. This past weekend was the spiritual release for my father. I intended to go on Saturday to visit them, but after the spiritual release, the cemetery was closed. So after I left my brother's house, my family and I drove home, we stopped by to visit them.  I drive into the cemetery and I almost can't recall the winding road to where their home is, but soon enough, I see it. I can see my mother's smiling face and inside my heart is breaking. I take the logan fruits out of the bag and walk out of the car. I walk across the grass, pass the many headstones, the fruits weighing heavy in my hands, even though they're light. I reach my parents' new home and my tears are already dripping down my face. I sink to my knees and I start bawling my eyes out. I can feel my husband's hand...

This weekend is going to be the spiritual release for my father. He died in February of this year and since then my life has taken a toll on the dark side. Living in a world where your parents no longer exist is a tearful way to live. Sometimes I wake and wonder if this is all really happening. And then it hits me and I am once again in pain. Dad, I miss you and Mom so much. I wish, I wish so many things. I wish I could have been able to take away your pain. I wish I had been able to do more. And in the end, I just wish I had more time with you both. I know it will never happen. But inside of me, I still wish. Wherever you are, I hope you have found Mom and is in peace. Know, I love you, more than anything in this world. You and Mom are the better part of me. Thank you. We will meet again.

Every single morning when I wake, I find it amazing that you are next to me. You have taken my name and you have kissed my lips to promise me that you will be mine until the end of time. My thoughts are so loud, full of words that I cannot put together to say to you. Yet, when I look at you, I find I don't need to say anything at all. You are the perfect solution to all my worries. Your heart is mine and my soul is yours. Together, our hands are entwined to face this journey together. People fall in love every day. And it's a part of a journey we walk through, but I know for now that you were sent to save me in more ways than I know how. You have kissed the breath of life into me and have given me the gift of tomorrow. I can't imagine my life without you because with you in my world, everything is perfect. I am now complete.

Forgive me... I should have loved you when you were here with me. Every day you tried to make me look at you in new ways and you smiled at me with more energy than you had. But all I saw was a mistake and I wanted nothing to do with you. Forgive me... I should have held you when I had the chance. Every night, I let you lie cold and alone as I pretended to sleep so you could not bother me. Every morning, I left before you woke just so I wouldn't have to look at you. Forgive me... I should have told you that I loved you every moment of every day. I lived in my silence and I enjoyed it while you pondered if my love was real or not. I didn't care if you heard me or not. I just wanted to hurt you so you'd leave me. Forgive me... I should have looked at you when you tried to make me see. I was blind and I walked in darkness as you fought to stay lit for me. Everything you did I was oblivious to it because I choose to be. Today, I ask for you to forgive me but you ...

Tau ntau lub hli lawm os kuv Niam uas koj tseg kuv ua ntsuag. Kuv niaj hnub xauj qhov rais seb puas pom koj thaug kev qhov twg los rov los plhws kuv taub hau. Puas yuav hnov koj lub suab hu kuv tias, "kuv tus me maiv," lawm os kuv Niam. Kuv niaj hnub muab koj duab los saib kom pom koj luag ntxhi rau kuv li thaum. Nyob rau koj cov koob xov paj ntaub, kuv nrhiav koj seb puas pom koj qhov twg. Thaum koj tuav xaws tej me paj ntaub, koj tus ntxhiab puas cog cia rau cov xov paj ntaub? Yog kuv muab coj los hnav rau kuv lub cev, puas yuav hnov koj ob txhais npab los puag kuv? Yog kuv muab coj los hnia, puas yuav tsw koj tus ntxhiab? Kuv niam, kuv nrhiav koj txhua txoj kev. Kuv nrhiav koj thaum kuv ua tau ib yam dab tsi zoo es tsis muaj leej twg pab qhuas. Kuv xav hnov koj lub suab hais ib lo tias koj zoo siab. Kuv nrhiav koj thaum kuv ntshai pw tsis tau. Kuv xav hnov koj hais ib lo tias tsis ua li cas, cas tshij pw me ntxhais. Kuv nrhiav koj thaum kuv mob plab yug me nyuam. K...

Dreams. Who here doesn't dream? Day dream of a being swept away into a prince's arms when you were a little girl. Dreaming of a big house with a boat and fishing around the clock. Dreaming of your feet in warm sand on a beach with no care in the world. Actually, that last one doesn't sound too bad. I wouldn't mind that one. When I was a little girl growing up, I had a lot of dreams. I dreamt of being an actress because I sat and watched films with my parents all the time. And I thought it was glamourous. I thought it was beautiful to be the woman everyone wanted to love. Then I got over it. I then went on to dream about being someone other than myself. That lasted quite a while because I wanted to for once not be me. I thought it would be pretty fun to be not be me. Turns out that it was pretty stupid and it only got me into trouble for following the crowd. When I got married, my dreams shifted from being a wife to a mother to back to square one of I have no idea...

I looked up at the darkening sky and wished that the sun was shining instead. Maybe it would help make this dreadful feeling inside me disappear. I knew that everything I felt was a reflection of the sky. It reminded me that I was about to break open a flood and with it, disaster was about to follow.           Downtown Minneapolis was busy as usual with cars, men and women in business suits, trying to get back to work after lunch. Traffic lights were switching colors and the exhaust of car dust was in the air. Around me there were signs of life. But within me, it ceased to exist. I felt as if I was just a shadow following around the crowd. It left me nowhere and gave me no sense. It left me with no purpose. I was alone, it seemed, as the world moved around me.           The Hishware building was close as I crossed the street. I was thankful I was wearing low heels because my feet were...