Past Promises Chapter 4

The house was silent as Jedidiah made his way into the living room. The maid had come by and had cleaned up all the evidence that he’d thrown a party. He was holding the purse Anna left behind at the hospital. He tossed the medication he’d picked up from the drug store on the couch and sat down forgetting his back and swearing as he felt pain. He let out a heavy breath and then heard the garage door stall open. He picked up the prescription and headed up the stairs to his room. His father was back home and probably had another girl on his arm. Yes, a girl. He’d wish he could say it was a woman. But the girls his father picked were young enough to be his sister.

     Jedidiah knew that life with his father wasn’t going to be easy. He knew that without his mother everything would be a continued downfall until there was nothing left. And he was right. Soon after his mother’s burial, his father turned to women to heal his mourning. He let the women come in between them and the distance between them grew and grew until Jedidiah no longer wanted anything to do with him. He spent more time here at the summer home than he did at the real residence in New York. He liked it here because his mother did too. Every part of him wanted to keep her close because if he did, he felt as if life was bearable.

Jedidiah shut the door to his room and heard the door downstairs open. A loud giggle followed by exclamations of how beautiful the house was. Sometimes he swore his father brought girls here just so he could get laid. This was the same process and he was sick and tired of it. He knew the routine by heart. The girl would exclaim the beauty of the house, he would take her for a tour ending at his bedroom, sex, and then they would order food. It was like it came out of some poorly directed porno film that made him gag. If he had an ounce of that inside him, he would never reproduce. He wanted it to end with him.

He turned to look at his mother’s photo sitting on his dresser and tears filled his eyes. Still fresh in the grave and already the man who had promised to honor her was already forgetting her. Jedidiah could never understand why his father enjoyed various women so much. He knew that one day when he met someone he loved, he would love one. It was for the better and the worse of him. A man, a real man, could love one woman for the rest of his life and be the better of it.

     Jedidiah took the medication from the bag and had just unscrewed the top when he heard his father’s voice talking. He was giving the girl the tour and hadn’t realized he was home. He had parked his car in the opposite garage. He popped the medicine into his mouth and forced himself to dry swallow it. He walked to the door and yanked it open. The girl jumped and shrieked as his father, Bill Lincoln, stared at him in shock.

     “Jedidiah? I didn’t know you were here, son.”

     He swallowed hard. “Well now you do. So if you don’t mind, take your nightly romps somewhere else.”

     His father’s face turned bright red and his hands closed into a fist. “Don’t you talk that way to me. I’m your father, young man.”

     “Could have fooled me.”

     The girl stepped out from behind his father wearing a short red dress and black heels that made her legs look long and lean. She had on five pounds of makeup and her blonde hair was greasy thick with hair spray. What did her father see in this woman?

     “Is she even old enough to rent a car?” Jedidiah asked.

     His father stepped forward. “Watch your mouth, young man.”   

     “Oh, I will, just as soon as you start watching yours.”

     The girl looked from father to son and began backing out. “Is everything alright here?”

     Jedidiah turned to her. “Are you family?”

     She frowned, obviously confused about the question. “Uh…no.”

     “Then get out of here.”

     “Jedidiah!” his father yelled.

     The girl swallowed and turned to walk down the stairs. His father stared after her and let her go as he turned back around to look at Jedidiah. This was a scene that was getting old by now and he knew what would happen next. He longed for it. The punch came faster than he expected, but still, it came. He landed on his knees as his father took the black jacket off of him and tossed it over the stairs. It landed on the ground with a loud thud. Breathing hard, Bill grabbed onto the railings and shook his head.

     “I don’t know why you do this to me, Jedidiah. Why can’t you just let me enjoy a little bit of happiness? Why?!”

     Jedidiah got up and wiped the blood from his mouth. His father had managed to puncture some tissues. “Happiness is a nightly romp with a girl who looks like she works on the streets? Gee, dad, did I miss that class?”

     His father turned around. “I’m still your father. You will respect me.”

     “How the hell am I supposed to respect you when you don’t even respect yourself? You come in here with a different woman on your arm, showing off your damn mansion, hoping to get a good lay, and then drop her off at her beat up trailer the next night as if one night in your home would make a difference in either one of your lives! Did you forget that you have a son who is embarrassed about your way of life? Or the businessmen whose hands you shake when you close a deal, knowing where your hands have been the night before? I’m disgusted! And I’m your son! Shame on you!”

     Jedidiah turned to go and his father yanked him back around. “You think you’re so smart, huh? You think just because I allow you to live off of my money, you can talk back to me any way you want? Well, then, I’ll just take away your heritage. How about that?!”

     “Go ahead! See if I care! I don’t want your dirty money anyways. I’m scared of where it’s been. I’m scared of the diseases you have following you around.”

     That earned him a slap. “Get out of here.”

     “Gladly.”

 

     Jedidiah stopped in front of Anna’s home. He had picked through her purse and found her address. The house was a large beach house with big windows. He could see the lights were on. She lived on the other side of town. He walked to the front door and rang the doorbell. A few moments later an older lady opened the door and gave him a gentle smile.

     “Can I help you?” she asked.

     “Yes, I’m here to see Anna. Is she home?”

     “Yes, she is. Why don’t you come in?”

     He smiled and thanked her as he took the invitation. The house was designed in simple casual décor and it made him think of how his mother used to keep their homes. There was the sound of the TV blaring, but it seemed as if the woman was alone in the house. She led Jedidiah to the back patio door and opened it.

     “Anna is out on the beach,” she said.

     “Thank you.”

     Jedidiah walked out and could see her figure sitting in the sand watching the sun set. From here, she looked like a doll with her hair blowing in the wind. She was wearing a white summer dress that was long and strapless. He walked to her and as he neared, she heard and turned around. The look on her face was priceless as she stood up brushing the sand from her dress.

     “What are you doing here?” she asked.

     He showed her the purse. “You left this at the hospital.”

     She reached for it, but he held it away from her. Anna gave him an evil stare and turned her back to him. He smiled and walked around to face her. She once again turned her back to him. He laughed and unzipped her bag.

     “Let’s see what is in here,” he said.

     “Don’t!” she yelled as she turned around.

     He was surprised by her sudden movement that he lost his balance and fell backward. She landed on top of him and he cursed as he felt his stitches tear.

     “Oh! Your stitches! Are you alright?” she asked as she helped him.

     Jedidiah groaned as she lifted his shirt up and checked. “Is it ok?”

     She lowered his shirt. “It’s bleeding, but nothing is torn. I’ll go grab something to clean it up. Come on; let’s go sit by the patio.”

     Jedidiah followed her to the benches and she ran inside. She came back a moment later with a first aid kit. As she took some items out, he thought of a plan. She was shaking and he wanted to laugh.

     “Uh…will you take your shirt off?” she asked.

     He groaned. “It hurts. Can you do it for me?”

     She made a face, but did as he asked. Her fingers were shaking and she fumbled with a few buttons. When she finally got it off, he turned around. When he felt pressure on his back, he let out a yell of pain.

     “Did I hurt you?” she asked.

     “It stings,” he whispered. “The iodine stings.”

     “But it’s not even the iodine.”

     Jedidiah paused and turned his head. “It’s not?”

     She laughed. “No, but this is.”

     The sting sent him shaking his back and jumping up and down as he cursed from the end of the earth to the next. He watched as she laughed. She was enjoying it. So he did the only thing he thought was the solution to end her laughter. He walked to her, grabbed her cheeks, and kissed her. When he pulled back, she slapped him across the face.

     “That was for taking something that wasn’t yours to take,” she said.

     Jedidiah smiled and leaned forward. “That was for making fun of hurting me.”

     She shoved him and stood up. “You can put your shirt back on. My eyes have seen enough of your flesh.”

     He laughed and picked up his shirt. He buttoned it as she stuffed the items back into the box. When she turned to go, he reached out and grabbed her wrist.

     “Why are you so fast to get away from me?” he asked.

     She shook her hand free. “Because I don’t like you.”

     He scoffed and spread his hands in a flying stance. “But I’m so likeable.”

     She laughed. “You think you are. The reality is that you’re nowhere near likeable. You think you’re so charming, but really you come off as egotistical. If I were you, I’d check myself out in the mirror before trying to pull any more tricks out of the hat.”

     He pretended to be hurt. “You’re wounding me.”

     “Well, my mother did always say I’ve got great aim and I always aim where it hurts.”

     “Come on, I’m not that bad, am I?”

     She cleared her throat and crossed her arms. “No, I’m sure you’re not. But what you portray to the world is. Look, whatever you’re going through, it’s not worth having a bunch of drunken people around every night and waking up feeling as if you’re half dead. Life is more than that. Perhaps if you widened your thoughts a little, you’d see that not everyone will come to your funeral for the parties you throw today.”

     Jedidiah swallowed hard and realized she was the first and only person who ever really understood him. Here she stood, practically a stranger, and all they had in common was that she held his hand one night. And yet, she knew the tunes his heart was playing.

     “What’s wrong?” she asked.

     He smiled. “You’re right, you know. Life is more than that. How is that you can understand me when you barely know me? And the man who raised me can’t understand a word I say?”

     He saw her eyes flicker with an emotion he himself carried often. She swallowed and then lowered her arms. The shield she had protecting her came off and he watched as she walked to him.

     “Perhaps it’s because I come from the same place as you. I’m misunderstood, underestimated, and unappreciated.”

     Jedidiah gazed into her eyes and saw the hollowness that swam in her dark irises and he understood her pain. It was this type of pain that he found deep in his heart as he listened to the night wind howl at his window. It was this type of pain that brought salted tears to his cheeks to carry. He reached for her hand and held it.

     “Do you see? You’re speaking my lyrics and it finishes my song.”

     She looked away, embarrassed or shy, he wasn’t sure which one. But he knew that what he did know, he liked a lot. He smiled, trying to keep the moment from getting too heated. He cleared his throat and turned to look at the house.

     “Your house is very nice. You just bought this?” he asked.

     She shook her head. “No, it belonged to my grandparents. We come here every summer. It’s a family thing, although I’m not sure where my parents got the idea of “family” because we hardly look at one another.”

     Jedidiah swallowed and sat back down. He stared at her from the thin shoulders that were covered with small white straps. One of the straps kept falling down and she was pushing it back up with her slender fingers. He enjoyed looking at her because she kept blushing. He laughed when she gave him a death stare.

     “Quit looking at me like that,” she warned.

     “What are you going to do about it?”

     She shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. Which method would you prefer? Assassin point blank or the silent behind the back stabber?”

     Jedidiah stood up laughing. “So you’re saying I should watch my back?”

     “You can read it any way you like. But all I know is if you don’t stop staring at me, I’ll make sure you can’t use your eyes for another day in your life.”

     He opened his arms freely. “Then do it. Take away my sight so I can use my hands and feel…you.”

     Her face broke into stunned surprise and she walked to him, pointing a finger at him. “Don’t you try to outsmart me. I have secrets up my sleeves, trade secrets that you won’t know what hit you.”

     He smiled. “I’m trying to wonder if you are always this heated and sexy or if it’s because I bring it out of you.”

     Anna crossed her arms. “Again, you’re praising yourself too highly. No one can get me undone.”

     “That’s an interesting choice of word. Undone? You’ve never been undone before?”

     She dropped her arms. “Quit turning my words around!”

     He laughed. “You’re just cute. I like messing with you.”

     “Well, I don’t like you messing with me. Thank you for bringing my purse back. I think your time here is over.”

 

     Anna watched as he left the house and she turned away smiling. What was it about him that made her act the way she did? She didn’t even like him; she just sort of liked having him around. He was like a female friend caught in a man’s body. She laughed at that thought and what he would say if she told him that. She walked up the stairs to her room carrying her purse when she heard her mother’s cries coming from her parents’ room. She stopped outside the door and listened. It wasn’t like her usual cry. This cry was filled with hurt that she’d never heard before. Her mother was literally gasping for breath. She reached for the knob, but stopped herself. She didn’t know what to do or how to comfort her mother without letting her mother know that she knew all she did. But her mother’s cries were getting louder and she was gasping for air. So Anna knocked and she heard her mother gasp then silence. A few moments later, the door opened and she stared at her mother’s red eyes.

     “Are you ok?” she asked.

     Her mother smiled, trying to be brave. “Yes, I’m fine, sweetheart. I thought you were out with the boy.”

     Shaking her head, she replied, “No, I’m not. How about we go somewhere together?”

     “I’m not feeling too good, sweetheart. I think I’m just going to rest.”

     Before her mother could close the door, Anna blurted out, “I know everything, mother. Why are you trying to hide it from me?”

     Her mother tried to smile. “What are you saying?”

     Anna turned her mother around. “I know everything. Do you even know what that means? It means whatever it is you’re trying to hide from me, I know it all. I’m not a child anymore. You can’t trick me. I know you’re hurting.”

     “Can you leave me alone, please?”

     Anger shot through her and she threw up her hands in frustration. “Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you hurting yourself? Is it worth your own pain just to love someone who has never seen you worth anything?”

     Her mother began to cry. “You will never understand, Anna, the pain I go through. Each day when I wake, I wonder to myself if I shall hear one good word from him. And it’s the same as the day before. It’s a silent war I fight and the end is always the same no matter how many new tactics I try. I have failed. I have failed!”

     Anna grabbed her mother. “Don’t say that. You have not failed!”

     Sinking to the ground, her mother sobbed. Anna reached for her and held her. Her body felt so thin and fragile that Anna was afraid she’d break her mother. She listened to her mother’s sobs and felt the torture she’d lived daily. Anna had been wrong. If she thought her mother could endure pain, she was wrong. Here was her mother, a woman who said little, and was now pouring out all thoughts into a single moment. She rubbed her mother’s back and held her as if she was the adult and her mother the child.

     In that moment, she finally understood what it meant to be selfless; to love without wanting anything back. Her mother had been a selfless creature all of her life and was to the point of breaking because no matter what, she never received anything. The love of a child was different from a love of a man. Her father was the only one who had the right to love her, yet he pushed her away.

 

The following morning, Anna came down to the den and gathered some magazines to read outside by the patio. She walked out with her hands full and had just set the magazines by the table when something caught her eye. She turned and found Jedidiah standing by the house with a grin on his face. He was dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. He looked as comfortable as anyone could be. She wasn’t sure what it was about him, but he seemed to push her every buttons in a cute way. Was that even possible?

     “What are you doing here? As I recall, you don’t have an appointment,” Anna said.

     He looked hurt as he walked to her. “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize I needed an appointment to see you. Should I schedule one with your invisible receptionist on the way out?”
     She ignored his sarcasm and turned her back to him. He reached for one of her magazines and flipped through it, making a face. Then he dropped the book back on the table.

     “I don’t get women. They get all these magazines full of hair and makeup products, yet they don’t even buy any of it. It’s a waste of space, really. Come to think of it, without those magazines, I’d have more room in the house to place my soccer trophies.”

     “And you should know seeing as how you have so many,” she said.

     Jedidiah was about to open his mouth when he realized something. “I forgot you’ve seen my house.”

     She nodded. “Yeah, and not a trophy in sight.”

     He scratched his head. “So I’m not a golden athlete. That doesn’t mean I’m not golden anywhere else.”

     “What is it you want?”

     He shrugged and made himself comfortable by sitting in one the chairs. “I came here on the chance that you were thinking of me and you were too shy to come forward to tell me.”

     Laughing, Anna crossed her arms. “You’re really something, you know that? Only you would think that I would be here thinking of you when I have not thought of you one second in the least.”

     “Really? You haven’t thought of me once at all today?”

     “No, in fact, I haven’t thought of you since you left. You’re egotistical and conceited. Why would I want to think of you?”

     He hooked his arms behind his head and beamed her a smile. “Because I’m just too darn good looking?”

     “You wish.”

     He laughed. “What are you doing tonight?”

     “Why?”

     “You should go change your clothes.”

     She looked at her jean shorts and white top. “Why?”

     “Because I’m taking you out to dinner.”

     “Says the egotistical, conceited man,” she joked.

     He shrugged. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, you bring it out of me.”

    

     The dinner as Jedidiah had promised was at the crab shack close by the beach. She’d driven by lots of times, had wanted to stop in, but never did. Now she wondered why she never did. The food was amazing, the service was even better, and the music that they played was like she was fifteen again. As much as she joked about Jedidiah being conceited, when they sat down together, it was gone and all that was left was a young man who was struggling with his life. She could tell that he had a lot on his shoulders and that he wasn’t telling her the whole truth about himself. But then again, they had just met, and she didn’t tell him everything about herself either. She wasn’t scared of anything in her life. She’d faced a lot of hardships; growing up with two adults who fought on a daily basis taught her that. But at this moment, she was afraid that she was falling…falling in love with a complete stranger who kept giving her seductive glances when he caught her looking at him.

     There was something so mysterious about him that made her heart skip beats. She was just beyond thrilled when he gave her that half smile that made his eyes twinkle. Her toes curled up when he stuck his tongue out to lick the corner of his lips. She wondered…actually fantasized about him kissing her as she sat across from him. His hands were working on crab legs and she wondered what they would feel like on her skin. When he laughed at her, she woke from her fantasy and cleared her throat.

     “Are you hot? You look flushed,” he said.

     If only you knew, she thought. “I’m a little warm.”

     “Water?” he suggested pushing her glass of water toward her.

     She took a long drink. “You were saying?”

     “I was saying that you looked cute with red cheeks.”

     She laughed. “So I’ve been told.”

     “How long do you normally stay here?”

     She shrugged. “Depends on how my parents feel like it. Sometimes it’s for the entire summer and then sometimes it’s for a month. I’m not given any notice when it comes to the decisions they make.”

     “Tell me about it.”

     Anna dipped the end of her shrimp into the small plate of butter and brought it to her lips. She had a question on her lips when she found Jedidiah making a face and then turning away. She frowned and turned toward the door where she found an older gentleman who resembled him with a very young woman on his arm walk in. The man was dressed in a dark blue suit jacket and a pair of black pants that made him look like he’d stepped out from a magazine showcasing mansions. The blonde was wearing a very tight yellow dress that looked as if it was painted on. She was wearing red lipstick with flashy red long nails. Anna could only assume the man was his father. When he locked eyes with Jedidah, he started toward their way. Jedidiah probably saw it and stood up.

     “Let’s go,” he said.

     Just as Anna stood up, the man blocked Jedidiah’s path. “Where you been staying?”

     Jedidiah ignored him and reached for Anna’s hand. She took his hand and they headed toward the door when Jedidiah was pulled back.

     “You need to stop acting like a child,” he said.

     Jedidiah tore his arm free from him. “Look at who you brought to dinner and then you tell me who the child is.”

     Anna swallowed hard as the older man shifted his gaze to her. Then he blushed and cleared his throat, stepped forward, and offered his hand.

     “I’m Bill Lincoln, Jedidiah’s father. I don’t believe we’ve met before.”

     Before Anna’s hand could touch his, Jedidiah pulled her toward him. “We’re leaving. You two have a nice dinner.”

     “You come back home, Jedidiah.”

     Jedidiah pushed her through the door and she hurried to follow him. She could sense his anger building up. He opened the door for her and she got in without a word. When he slipped behind the wheel, he sat there in silence staring at his hands. Then he turned the engine on and drove out.

     On the way home, Anna realized how broken Jedidiah was. He was just as broken as she was. There was so much hurt and anger trapped inside him that it ate him alive. She knew that feeling because each time she looked at her parents she just wanted to crawl under a rock. She knew that he was hurt and embarrassed.

     When they reached her house, he stopped the car and turned the engine off. She swallowed hard, unsure of what to say, so she reached for the door. He pulled her toward him and kissed her. The kiss came as a surprise and it took a moment for it to register that he was actually kissing her. When she finally found the strength in her arms to move, he’d already ended it. He moved away from her and kept his eyes on the ground. Anna swallowed, unsure of what it meant. When she reached for the door, he held her wrist.

     “Please, don’t,” he whispered. “You don’t know how much I need you right now.”

     Anna took his hand and held it. “I’m right here.”

     He looked up with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Anna. It was supposed to be a beautiful night. If I had known he was going to show up there, I’d have gone somewhere else.”

     “Don’t apologize, Jedidiah. You did nothing wrong.”

     He ran a hand through his hair and swallowed. “I never expected he’d embarrass me like this. I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life before.”

     She didn’t answer because she had no words to comfort him. He needed to speak out his hurt and she was going to let him. He took a deep breath.

     “You know, I just want a simple life where I can wake up without having to worry that my father is going to walk through the door with another woman from the street. I just want to be loved and understood as his son. Ever since my mother died, he’s been using sex as an excuse to mourn. And it’s not even just sex anymore; it’s stupidity. He doesn’t realize how much he’s hurting himself. These women he brings home, they’re half his age and probably are carrying diseases that he can’t even spell.”

     “I’m sorry.”

     He turned to her. “Don’t be sorry. I don’t want your pity.”

     “Then what do you want?”
     “I want you to tell me you’ll stay with me and never let me feel pain again.”

     Anna held her breath as she replayed what he said in her mind. When she made no attempt to move, he grabbed her cheeks and held them. His masculine scent overpowered her and she caught her breath.

     “Anna, I knew you were different the day I met you. I kept hoping that I would run into you again. And like a dream, I woke up to see your face. Since my mother’s death, I’ve known no peace. Since I’ve met you, I’m able to find it again. Probably not all of it, but I’m learning to make the loudness in my life disappear.”