Past Promises Chapter 1

2004

     The waves crashed against the rocks sending a pulse pounding echo through the silent night as Anna Ryder stood on the edge of the rock staring out at the open waters, begging to be released of her pain. She was digging her fingers into her skin, feeling the blood run down her flesh, feeling relief as she sobbed quietly. Her heart was thumping and she could feel as if it was ready to jump out at the open water. Could she catch it if it flew out? Would she let it fly off and wonder if it will find its way home? She dropped her hands and knelt down, sobbing, at the edge of the earth. Life was unfair.

     Anna Ryder, 18 years old, senior in high school, voted most likely to succeed, popular, and smart, was trapped in a home with parents who hated each other. They fought on everything from what to eat for dinner to what to watch on TV. It made her nuts trying to be the daughter they both wanted, but it killed her own life because she was living a lie. She hated her parents. She wanted to be free. She wanted to discover her own path and she wanted silence. God, how she longed for silence. Silence was like a wrapped gift to those who suffered loudness. She wanted silence; she longed for it. But everywhere she turned, all she found was an echoing of voices that split her ears.

     Anna’s parents had what you called a shotgun wedding. Her mother was pregnant and her father took responsibility because he was the one who had her on her back. Did he love her? Not really. Did she love him? With all her might. When you had this kind of relationship, it never worked out. Why they stayed together was beyond her own thoughts. There wasn’t a single night of Anna’s life that she could remember peace. It was always full of ruckus, hate, and tears. She never knew that life could have silence and peace.

     Standing at the edge of the world, it seemed as if the world knew her pain. It reached out to her, comforted her in her time of hurt, and washed her with silence. Silence was all she desired. It was all she wanted. Tears filled her eyes and she sat down on the rock, looking out at the bay. The lighthouse was blinking its light and she sobbed lightly, wondering if inside her soul, people could see her own light blinking of hurt. Could they see that through her smile, all she yearned for was love? Could they see that she tried to erase everything with her tears? Could they see that her smile was fake?

     The sound of a vase crashing brought Anna to her feet and she darted off running toward the beach house. She knew that sound. She’d heard that sound too many times in her life. She yanked open the door and found her mother sobbing on her knees in the kitchen with her father standing in the corner of the living room. She watched as both ignored her presence and pretended as if it was alright. She swallowed, knowing she needed to be invisible. So she did what she always did. She walked up the stairs and hid in her room until the lights swallowed up the house.

    

     The morning after a fight was always eerily calm around the house. Her father, Norman Ryder, acted as if he owned the world at his fingertips and allowed no one to speak to him unless he asked. Norman wasn’t a very gentle person. In fact, Anna could not remember a moment in her life where her father had given her praise for something she did. He said what needed to be said and if he cleared his throat after his sentence, it meant it was final. It meant if you dared open your mouth to speak next, it would end up with you grounded. Her father wasn’t someone to question. She would never know why her mother could love someone like him. He hardly paid attention to her mother.

     Her mother, sweet Patti Ryder, the young girl who, at just seventeen years old, gave her virginity to a college boy who winked at her from the corner of a room. Yes, her mother was brainless. Who in the world would allow someone to come into her life by a single wink? But her mother was and always had been weak. She never allowed herself to fight her battles. Someone always had to do it for her. Patti was a fragile woman with little to say and what she did say, hardly satisfied anyone, especially Anna. She knew her mother loved her father, very much, but it was the fact that her father overlooked her mother that caused her great pain. It caused her even greater pain when her own mother didn’t realize it.

     The morning after a fight, her father would always eat breakfast first by himself as if he was afraid of facing everyone at the table. Today was no different. It was just her and her mother. Her mother was quiet with her sandy hair in a bun and her lips painted cherry blossom. She never wore anything different when it came to cosmetics. She never thought of changing her looks either. Anna once found an old photo of her mother and she thought she was looking at her mother today. But it was her mother years ago. She hadn’t aged much, but neither had she changed anything about her appearance either. Was that the reason for her dad’s distance?

     “What are you planning on doing today?” her mother asked.

     Anna looked up and shrugged. “I don’t know. Meena said that she’d come by around noon so we could go shopping together.”

     “San Diego flea markets are a good place to shop. Why don’t you go there?”

     “Perhaps. What about you?”

     “I may just go to a spa.”   

     Anna knew that was a lie. Her mother had never set foot inside a spa in her life. After a fight, her mother would spend the day in her room looking through old photos and crying. It was like a day of regret for her. Anna knew she needed to get as far away from the beach house as possible. She didn’t want to get caught into this web of regret.

     The beach house in San Diego, California was close by the Pacific Beach. Her father’s family heritage passed him the house after her grandparents died and every summer since she could remember, they’d been spending their summers here. She enjoyed the getaway, but there wasn’t much she could do besides hang out with friends and her parents. Each year, she got too old to play in the sand and her father stopped chasing her on the beach when she turned eight. Her friend, Meena, who lived a few miles down the road, often came to visit her when she was in town for the summer months. Most times Anna felt these three months were for her parents to get away from their everyday life. But the problem was that, they brought their issues with them wherever they went.

     Anna, dressed in a pair of white shorts and a green button sleeveless shirt, walked along the beach wearing a straw hat. Her brown hair was in a braid down her back and she was wearing a pair of dark sunglasses. She picked up a few rocks and tossed them into the water. The beach was full of people today from swimmers to sun tanners to volleyball players. She picked up a few more rock and tossed them out to sea. Then she continued walking along the beach until she found a nice discreet spot to sit. She took her hat and sunglasses off when a gust of wind blew her hat off. She got up and began chasing it until it went into the water. She cursed angrily and rushed into the water just in time to grab it. She came back out to shore soaking wet and shook her hat free from water. She was started to head back to her spot when a volleyball slammed her in the head. She was knocked to the ground and her hat flew from her hand. It flew straight into the water as she struggled to get up. When her head was no longer spinning, she found her hat had disappeared. Anna looked up as a young man wearing a pair of red shorts and a white t-shirt came running toward her. He had black hair with dark brown eyes.

     “I’m sorry! Are you alright?” he asked.

     “You made me lose my hat,” she said.

     He turned toward the waters and then back at her. “I’m sorry. It was an accident.”

     She glared at him and then walked away.

     “Hey, we’re just playing some ball if you want to join us.”

     Anna stopped and turned around to look at him. “You’ve just managed to ruin my mood and my day. Why would I want to be around you?”

     He laughed and shrugged. “Hey, it wasn’t as if I was aiming at you on purpose.”

     “So you’re the one with the bad aim?”

     “Guilty as charged.”

     “Why don’t you go back and play with your people before I rethink my thoughts and actually consider swearing at you?”

     The smile on his face disappeared as he shook his head and walked off. Anna sneered at him and then walked away.