Beating as One Chapter 5

Evening fell as Jed and Anne sat on their patio having dinner. They had ordered room service after a long day of touring Hawaii. They’d walked hand in hand together admiring the view, the tourists who they thought were ridiculous, and shared kisses whenever possible. All day long, Anne had forgotten how much fun it was to walk while holding hands with Jed. Now as they sat across from each other with a candle lit dinner, Anne felt herself spin with love. How was it that she thought she was ready to give this up? And for what? A misunderstanding.

            “What are you thinking about?” Jed asked.

            She looked up at him. “About us, about everything; being here has really changed how I’ve felt.”

            He swallowed. “Do I want to know how you’ve been feeling?”

            Shrugging, she replied, “I don’t know. Do you?”

            “I’ll take my chances.”

            “I know that we haven’t talked much. I know that we tried to avoid things by pushing it away. I’m not sure when it became normal for us to do that. But I have never thought about leaving you…until you uttered the blame on me.”

            Jed lowered his fork. Anne felt tears fill her eyes. Yes, they’d been making love, but the problem was still there. It still hurt when she thought of it and if she didn’t tell him or talk about it, it would eat at her until it made her full of lies. She lowered her fork and looked up at him.

            “Jed, I love you…so much. You promised me something. Do you remember what it was?” she asked.

            “I do and I broke that promise. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. In the heat of the moment, I blamed you for something that was my own fault. I’d lost my own way when it came to us. Having you and the children in my life has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has taught me how to be a man, how to be a good husband, and an even better father. Without you and the kids, I may have been the football player I’d hoped for, but I’d be very lonely.

            “Lonely is…not being heard, not being seen, or loved. It’s like being tossed into an open storm without any hope. As a man, I sometimes forget that I need to say how I feel. I’m sorry, Anne, for hurting you, truly I am. The last thing I’d want is for you to look at me like I’m the enemy. You’re my wife, my mate, my better half. In hard times, you’re the light that helps me see and you’re the path that leads me back to hope. You’re my reason for existing.”

            The tears in her eyes spilled over her cheeks and he caught them. Anne took his hand and held it on her heart. “I’m sorry, too, for not seeing that you’re trying. I admit, I’ve lacked in that department as well. After so many years of marriage, it feels comfortable to just…be together without saying much. But I’ve learned that I still need to hear it and if I still need to hear it, then so does my partner. Even men long for the intimacy we women want too. I suppose we may think we’re different, but in reality, we all desire the same things.”

            Jed stood from his chair and walked to her. He knelt down beside her and took her hand. “Anne, when I asked you to marry me 18 years ago, I meant what I said. I promised I’d love you for all eternity. And every day, even though we have hardships, I still look at you the same way. You’re my light in life and when I see your face, whether it be day or night, I am filled with such a calm sense that I forget the trouble I am in. I asked you to marry me because I knew that without you, I’d be on a journey by myself.

            “The first time I held Ryan in my arms and heard him cry, every part of me came to a standstill. I knew what it meant to be needed, to be wanted. You gave me that and I could never thank you enough.”

            Anne let out a sob and kissed him as the sound of the jazz saxophone from downstairs filled the air. Jed took her hand and helped her stand up. Together, they danced together as the night stars twinkled above them.

            The sun blazed through the open leaves as the wind blew through Anne’s sheer skirt. She was standing leaning against the palm tree posing for Jed as he clicked the camera. She leaned forward and her bra strap snapped, falling forward. She gazed down at the fallen strap and when she looked up Jed had lowered his camera and was staring at her with his lips slightly apart. He set the camera down and walked slowly toward her. When he reached her, his fingers grabbed the strap and pulled it over her shoulder. He kissed her shoulder, her neck, and her back as he tied the strap to the back of her bra. But he didn’t back away. Jed stared into her eyes burning her with his passion. Ever so slowly, his hand found itself at the opening of her skirt and made a trail toward her inner thigh. Anne closed her eyes as he took her lips and parted her lips with his tongue. He pushed her skirt up using his hand and rested his hand on her upper thigh, bringing her leg to wrap around his waist. His other hand pushed her blue tank top up and his fingers rested on the v where her bra met. When his finger flicked across the swell of her breast, Anne gasped and tightened her grip on his shoulders. He kissed her ear lobe and tugged at it as she moaned softly.

            “Let’s go inside so I can do more than just this,” Jed whispered.

            On the sheep rug Anne lay open and exposed on her belly as Jed trailed fingers down her back, over the swell of her buttocks, and to her feet. Then he placed kisses where his fingers had been making Anne squirm beneath him. He lifted her hair in his hands and shifted it to one side so he could kiss her neck. Gently, he turned her around and kissed her lips until she was gasping for air. There, on that sheep skin rug, with the open windows, Jed made love to her that left her whimpering and exhausted.

            “This is a vacation,” Jed said a few moments later as they lay curled up together in front of the fireplace.

            Anne smiled and snuggled closer in arms. “Hmm…if this is what happens on a vacation, let’s take another one again.”

            “Hell, let’s never leave. I’d do anything to have this kind of sex.”

            Anne laughed and slapped his arm. “You’re so full of it.”

            Jed laughed and kissed her forehead. “You know, to be honest, for a moment there, I had really thought I’d lost my style.”

            “Me too.”

            Anne felt him move and then found him staring at her. She realized she’d said those words out loud. The look of hurt reflected in his eyes and she regretted uttering them. She felt his arms loosen around her and she turned away. But he cupped her chin and turned her around to look at him.

            “Don’t,” he whispered. “Please tell me.”

            Anne felt tears enter her eyes as she tried to put on a brave face. But it failed her and the tears ended up falling down her cheeks. He reached over and wiped away her tears as she looked up at him.

            “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it out loud.”

            Jed sighed. “Have I hurt you?”

            “No! You have never hurt me, Jed. It’s just…when we were having trouble, being with you was like…wondering if the sky would rain even though it had dark clouds. When you kissed me, when you did, it felt like you were forcing yourself to. It didn’t feel as if you loved me. You have always kissed me with passion. I felt that you weren’t in love with me anymore.”

            Jed reached over and touched her cheek. “Anne, my sweet, Anne, nothing in this world could replace your lips. Your lips are the breath I take every day when I wake. Getting to devour them is like heaven to me. You’re so sweet, so delicate, so…good. I live for your kisses. In that time when we were having trouble, not being able to kiss you, I felt like I was going insane. Each time I saw you put on lipstick I hated that tube of lipstick so much. It got to touch your lips and it got to live there. Your lips are a drug and I’m addicted. I’m an addict and your lips are the only cure. Without them, I break apart little by little.”

            Anne kissed him deeply. “You will never have to envy my lipsticks again.”

            “Good because I tossed them away.”