Beating As One Chapter 2

18 Years Later

            “It’s all your fault!” Jed cried.

            Jed was standing in the garage staring at the broken grill as his wife of 18 years, Anne, stood beside him wearing an apron that was missing a pocket. She was sweating and holding a pair of tongs that probably saw better times. He sighed and slammed the top of the grill closed as smoke rose from it. Anne had burned off the handle of the grill and while trying to fan the smoke from rising, she’d accidentally knocked one of his prized car collectibles into the fire. Fuming with anger, he looked up at her with dark eyes.

            “Well? What do you have to say for yourself?” he asked.

            “I’m sorry! If only you came in here when I asked you to, this wouldn’t have happened!” she cried.

            He laughed. “Oh, so it’s my fault? It’s my fault that you couldn’t wait ten minutes?”

            “Stop blaming me, Jed! It was an accident, ok? I didn’t mean to destroy your damn car or grill. I have other things to do besides wait for you to come and do what I ask of you. If you would just-“She let it drop and turned away from him.

            Jed sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He kicked the legs of the grill and it tipped over, ash filled the garage. He cursed and ran off into the house. He grabbed his jacket, keys, and came back outside to find Anne sweeping the ash with a broom. Her head was bent down and he knew she was crying. He left his things on the stairs and walked to her. He wrapped his arms around her from behind as she stopped sweeping.

            “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

            She pulled away from him and continued sweeping as if she hadn’t heard a word he’d said. Jed walked to her, grabbed the broom from her hands, and kissed her deeply. When he pulled away, he held her and wiped her tears. Now he felt like an idiot and as an idiot, he had a lot of making up to do.

            “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

            “Forget it,” she said as she pulled away from him. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

            Jed grabbed her arm. “Don’t be like that.”

            Anne turned to him and shrugged. “I’m tired, Jed. I’m tired.”

 

            Anne dropped onto the couch and sighed deeply as she stared at her ash covered hands. It had been a decent morning. They’d slept in the same bed last night and she woke up feeling as if he cared about her. But this morning after several attempts to get him to start the grill, she decided to do it herself. It turned out into a full flame fire accident that caused one of his prized cars to melt and the grill handle completely burned off. To make matters worse, he blamed her. And what had he been doing? Sitting in the sun room looking at the Sports Illustrated swim suit edition.

            The tears that had welled up in her eyes fell and she brushed it off, forgetting about her dirty hands. It had been a long road and a very hard one at that. When she thought of her marriage, the only word that came up to her mind was “regret.” If Jed hadn’t come into her room that night, 18 years ago, to tell her he’d chosen her, she might have had a different life. A good one, she would never know. But he came and she decided to let him be a part of her life. They married and nine months later, their son, Ryan, was born.

            Anne wasn’t sure when the intimacy disappeared. It just seemed that she woke up one day and found herself sleeping alone. She couldn’t remember what it felt like to be loved, to be wanted, or worse, to be needed. She hadn’t felt Jed’s hands on her for a long time and that kiss in the garage was a kiss of pity. He’d hurt her and that was his excuse for forgiveness. It wasn’t even a kiss, really. It was just two lips meeting together. A kiss should ignite fire, destroy walls of doubt, and make you see stars. Jed’s kisses used to do that to her. Now they just simply made her feel pitiful. She stared at the gold band around her finger and felt as if it was there to remind her of the victory she took away from him. Although he’d promised to never blame her, he did in ways other than voicing it.

            “Mom? I can’t find my ballet flats. Have you seen them?”

            Anne used her sleeves to wipe her eyes and looked up just as her sixteen year old daughter, Janelle, walked in. She had one side of her hair curled and the other pinned up. She was growing up so fast and Anne felt a sting of pain watching her two kids grow.

            “They’re not in your room?” Anne asked.

            Janelle shook her head and finally looked at her mother’s face. “Oh my God, Mom, what happened to your face?”

            “What? Why do you ask that?”

            “You’ve got black streaks all over your cheeks. Were you helping Dad fix the car?”

            Anne turned to the living room mirror above the fire place mantle and gasped. Ash streaks were across her cheek bones and nose. She used the hem of her shirt to clean it off and stood up. “No, I was just cooking.”

            “So you haven’t seen them?” Janelle asked.

            Shaking her head, Anne replied, “I’m sorry, dear, I haven’t. You’re not going to wear heels?”

            “No, Amy and I are heading to the mall. I don’t want my feet to hurt.”

            After her daughter left, Anne walked to the kitchen and turned on the water. She washed her hands and turned around in time to meet Jed coming in through the door. She ignored his gaze and opened the fridge. She pulled out the steak she’d left in there last night to cook. As soon as she put it on the counter, Jed walked up to her and laid his hand on hers.

            “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said.

            She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, Jed. I’m going to cook lunch now.”

            “Why are you being such a bitch? I’m trying to apologize here!”

            Anne jerked her hand free from him and rolled her eyes. “Look, Jed, I’m tired of having this conversation. You only apologize because you know you should, not because you want to or mean it. Your apologies mean nothing to me. I’ve stopped believing in your apologies a long time ago. You should only say them when you really mean them.”

            Jed laughed and threw up his hands. “I can’t win with you, Anne. Whatever I do, whatever I don’t do, it’s always wrong. I don’t even know how to talk to you anymore.”

            “You don’t even understand, do you? You can’t see yours mistakes.”

            “Yes, I do. My mistake is that I married you. My mistake is that I chose you! Look at this life! It’s not what I had imagined myself in.”

            Anne sobbed and tossed the meat across at Jed. “You promised me you’d never blame me! I never asked you to choose this! You did it yourself so the only person you have to be angry at is you! I didn’t ask you for any of this, Jed. I was fine and I was happy to be alone. But you…wanting to be such a man had to prove that you could do it.”

            “I am a man! And I did it because I thought you wouldn’t change on me. But you did and this isn’t what I signed up for. To hell with this.”

            As Jed walked away, Anne shouted, “Then go! Walk away! It’s what you always did best!”