Hooked in Paris

Before the end of the summer, I told myself that I had to make sure I experienced something I’d never thought possible. My parents were the suffocating kind where they held me closed in for years. When I turned 20, my mom’s sister, Justine, bought me a ticket to visit her in France. I grew up with two older brothers so I never had someone to talk to. My mother was soft spoken and simple with words. She never said much and I was always embarrassed to talk to her about anything. She made it seem unlikely that a mother and daughter should have any sort of relationship. But my Aunt Justine was the total opposite. She was wild, smoked, and drank like no tomorrow. In reality, my father didn’t really like the idea of me spending my summer with my aunt, but because I was finally legal, they didn’t refuse me.

          If I wanted something I never got to experience, I got it the summer I turned 20. I wasn’t expecting it at all. If I knew it was going to happen this way, I might have asked for this gift to visit my aunt earlier. I might have done things differently, but I know that in the back of my mind, what I think I would have done and what I actually would do was different. I wasn’t prepared for it and the summer when I turned 20 has been the greatest moment of my life. It has led up to me becoming a woman.

 

 

          Paris is the city of lights. It is the city of romance. When I arrived at the Charles de Gaulle airport, I was slammed with awe at how beautiful this country was. I couldn’t wait to explore. I had only seen photos, but I was now in the city itself and I was so overwhelmed. Dressed in black leggings, brown boots, and a red sweater dress, I was ready for my summer to begin. I grabbed my luggage and then I saw her standing by the door. My Aunt Justine, my mother’s younger sister, was jumping up and down, completely overjoyed as she ran toward me. I was quite surprised she could run seeing as how she was wearing six inch heels. But when her arms came around me, I felt loved and welcomed.

          “Oh my God! Look at how grown you are!” she said as she pulled away examining me. Justine was a very beautiful woman and she took after my grandfather where my mother took after grandmother. So she had the blonde hair and the legs. She was four years younger than my mother and she lived the life that everyone envied. She was single, sought after by men, and had friends that celebrated her every day. She never went anywhere without wearing makeup and she always made sure she wore the latest style clothing.  I wanted to be just like her.

          “I missed you,” I said as she pulled me toward the door. We walked out toward the parking lot and she came to her car, a black Rolls Royce. I pretended not to let it surprise me as I got in. We started driving toward her villa and I took in the city. I didn’t know much about Paris, but I knew that it was the global center for art, fashion, and culture. I loved how the city was a 19^th century feel with wide boulevards with cafes on every corner and designer boutiques. I was in awed of the fashion wore by the women. Scarves were seen everywhere and heels, oh good Lord, heels were the only thing worn.

          “Oh my God, I can’t believe I waited this long to visit!” I cried. My eyes couldn’t see enough. My aunt laughed beside me as she drove.

          “I’m so glad you’re here. We’ve got 3 months together to tour Paris. I can’t wait to show you everything!” Twenty minutes later, we arrived at her villa. I removed my sunglasses and my mouth dropped open. I knew she was rich, but I had no idea she was this rich. Justine was a model and one of the most sought out American models in France. Her villa was proof that when you got paid well, you lived lavishly. The driveway was covered with yellow gravel and it lead up to a swimming pool, beyond that stood a white mansion with orange roofing, surrounding the villa was 125 feet of water. Huge ten foot windows were seen standing out and as she drove to the entrance, a butler dressed in a black tux came out.

          “Holy cow, Aunt Justine, this is crazy!” I cried.

          She laughed. “Welcome, mon cheri.” I got out and the butler, who was an older gentleman with white hair, walked toward me. He smiled and began to gather my belongings. I followed Justine into the house. I was met with high chandeliers that dangled like bats from the ceiling, expensive Persian rugs, paintings from Monet and Picasso covered the walls. White leather couches, glass tables, and orchids decorated every corner of the house, a long spiral staircase lead up to the second story.

          “I never want to leave,” I said as I flopped down on the couch. “This is magical.”

          “Come on, darling, I’ll take you to your room.” I followed her up the stairs and she led me to a double French white door. She pushed it open and I saw a huge master bed in the center with silk lavender bedding, a gold vanity set, my own bathroom with a lavish bath tub, and a walk in closet that looked the size of my living room at home. There was a door leading to the outside balcony that overlooked the waters.

          “Wow, this is beyond words.”

          “Why don’t you get settled and I’ll have dinner ordered in. You must be starving. Here, we dress well for dinner, so I took the opportunity to buy you something to wear. It’s hanging in the closet. I’ll see you downstairs in half an hour.”

          She left and I walked into the closet to find that there was indeed a dress hanging for me. It was gold with an asymmetrical hem. There was a pair of black stiletto heels and gold hoops to go with. I took it off the hanger, feeling the fabric in my hands, almost wanting to cry, as I had never had such expensive gifts before. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate my upbringing, I did. But my father sold life insurance and my mother taught third grade. I was given the basics to survive with them. My brothers and I lived a happy life with clothes from Old Navy and Target. But this was out of the world and I was still calming down my beating heart.

          I showered and for once the shower head didn’t die on me. At home, it leaked out like a dying horn. If I banged on it, it would spurt out crazy and when someone flushed, I was scalded. I took my sweet time here, enjoying the feel of the water. I blow dried my hair and dressed. I stared at myself in the mirror and sighed deeply. There wasn’t much about me that I found to be beautiful. I got my mother’s looks, the dark hair and the short, curvy body. I didn’t have the legs like my aunt or the blue eyes like her. I got my father’s dark eyes. I was bigger on the bottom than the top and finding clothes to wear was very hard. But for some reason, the dress fit perfectly on me.

          When I came down the stairs, Justine wore a very slinky red dress that showed her curves and assets very well. She’d curled her hair and put on more makeup than before. I was awed in how beautiful she was. As I was about to compliment her, a tall, handsome man came around the corner wearing a black tux. He had dark hair and very blue eyes. He smiled at me as he wrapped an arm around Justine.

          “This is Roberto Brannon, my friend. This is my niece, Gwenna Richards.”

          He smiled and took me by surprise when he kissed both my cheeks. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Gwenna. Justine speaks very highly of you.”

          “It’s nice to meet you too. I hope what you’ve heard is all good.”

          He laughed as his arm went back around Justine. “I’m so thrilled you have decided to visit us this summer.”

          “Let’s eat,” Justine said. The table was decorated with lavish dishes that I had no idea how to pronounce. But bless my Aunt’s heart she also had pasta set out for me. We ate and I drank some grape juice while Justine and Roberto drank red wine. We discussed the agenda for the next few weeks. As I knew, Justine was busy with a few photo shoots, but promised to be around during the evening hours to take me on tour. She left the driver to my use and I could ask him to take me anywhere I wanted. There were a few museums she thought I might enjoy and had given a list to the driver. Roberto was quiet and spoke when asked. He mentioned about a party a few nights away that he thought I might enjoy. Justine nodded in agreement and promised to take me shopping so I could have a dress to wear. After dinner, I decided to call it a night. I was jet lagged and when I excused myself, I saw the relief in Roberto’s eyes. I knew he wanted to be alone with her. Who wouldn’t, knowing how my aunt looked. So I walked back up the stairs to my room and a few moments after, I heard them making love in the room down the hall.

 

          When I woke, it was the middle of the afternoon. The time was definitely not working for me. I was exhausted. I showered and put on a pair of shorts and a tank top as I walked out of my room. It was quiet as I entered the kitchen. I saw a note lying on the table. It was from my aunt. She wrote that she had gone into a photo shoot with Roberto and would be gone all day. The cook had prepared something for me to eat in the fridge and for me to have fun using the driver to go places. I opened up the fridge and took out some fruits. I ate it while standing up and then I thought to call my parents.

          “How is it over there?” my mother asked.

          I was sitting on the white couch in the den with my legs crossed under me. The sun was warm as it came in through the ten foot window. “There’s so much to see. I haven’t even gone out yet. I’ll go out after I’m done talking to you. Aunt Justine is at a photo shoot.”

          “How is your aunt?”

          I blushed thinking about what I’d heard last night. “She’s well. She looks good. She has a boyfriend.”

          My mother laughed. “She doesn’t have a boyfriend. It’s just a male companion who likes her.”

          I didn’t know what to say so I switched the topic. “I’ll see if there’s anything cool to buy you and dad.”

          “Don’t worry about your father and me. You just have fun.” After I hung up with my mother, I changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I gathered up my purse and camera. The driver was sitting in front of the limo as I walked up. He stood up immediately when he saw me.

          “Hi,” I said. “I hope you speak English?”

          “Yes,” he said with a heavy French accent. “Would you like to go out today to see something?”

          I smiled. “Yes, although I don’t know where I’d like to start. There’s so much to see. Do you recommend something?”

          “What do you like?”

          “I like art.”

          He smiled and opened the door for me. “Then we’ll go to Musee d’Orsay.”

          The Musee d’Orsay was on the left banke of the Seine. There was a railway station built in 1898 and 1900 that now housed the museum. The collection of impressionist and post-impressionist paintings were from Monet, Manet, Degas, Renior, and Van Gogh. I was literally lost inside the place as I walked around. It was like heaven to me. Some of the sculptures spoke to me in volumes that touched my heart so deep. I was in love. I spent the entire afternoon and when I finally decided to go home, the sun had fallen.

          When I arrived home, I saw Justine’s car. I thanked the driver and walked inside. I could hear soft jazz music playing. The windows were opened and the evening breeze was blowing in. I went upstairs and changed into a yellow summer dress before coming back down. I heard laughter as I walked through the kitchen. The balcony connected to the kitchen and I found Justine and Roberto sitting outside drinking wine. My aunt was wearing a white summer dress with thin straps and had her hair up in a loose bun. Roberto had on jeans and a black V neck sweater. They looked like the perfect couple. He leaned over to kiss her and she accepted. When she pulled back she saw me and stood up.

          “Gwenna! Did you enjoy your day?” she asked as she came to hug me. She pulled me to sit down beside her and Roberto poured me a glass of juice. I took it and he smiled.

          “I did. I went to the Musee d’Orsay.”

          “That’s my favorite place,” Roberto said. “I love it there. All the paintings speak to me and it makes me wonder how the painter felt when he brushed the strokes on the canvas.”

          Justine smiled. “Why, Roberto, I didn’t know you were so artistic.”

          He smiled at her. “Mon Cherie, you’ve yet to learn a lot about me.” She smiled and then she turned to me. I returned her smile and took a drink of the juice.

          “What do you have planned for tomorrow?” she asked.

          “Nothing.”

          “Good. I’m taking you shopping.”

 

          Shopping with my aunt was out of this world. She made me try on these outfits that I never knew worked for my body. I didn’t really like wearing colored dresses, but Justine pulled out bright colors for me to try on and I was shocked that it worked well on me. She helped me pick a dress for the party on Friday.

          “What is this party anyway?” I asked as I pulled on my pants in the fitting room.

          “It’s a party for celebrities. You’ll like it. Hopefully you meet someone there,” she said as I came out of the room.

          I laughed. “I doubt anyone would look at me, Aunt Justine. I dull in comparison to you.”

          She took my hands. “Sweetheart, one thing you must remember is that you must not have such low self-esteem. You are so beautiful. I look at you and I am shocked at how you don’t realize your true beauty.”

          I blushed. “My mother doesn’t think I should flaunt myself so highly.”

          She pulled me into a hug. “Gwenna, one thing you have to learn is that your mother has always been kind of off about her own beauty. She might not know it, but I envy her for her looks.”

          I pulled away and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You should tell her that sometime. She is always stuck in this world that she’s nothing compared to you. I mean, here I am, in your world with all the high fashion and nice things.”

          I saw tears enter her eyes and she sighed deeply. “Honey, your mother is twisted if she thinks that. I would give anything to have what she has. You know your mother is very lucky. She has a husband who loves her and she’s got you children. I have no one.”

          “What about Roberto?”

          Shrugging her shoulders, she replied, “What about Roberto? He’s just a friend who likes to hang around me. He doesn’t love me.” Suddenly, I felt sorry for her. I hugged her again and this time, I didn’t pull away.

 

          The party on Friday arrived before I realized it. I had bought a silver sequin off the shoulder dress. Justine had called in makeup artist and hair stylist to make us over. I felt as if I was wearing five pounds of makeup and I swear the hair stylist used six bottles of hair spray on me. I was literally pulled, stretched, and painted on until I thought I would break. I had no idea how my aunt was able to do this on a daily basis.

          We arrived in a limo and photographers blinded me with their camera lights. The party was held in a 1920’s building with lots of lights and white tents set up. I felt very much like a celebrity as I walked in with Justine and Roberto. They were pulled away to talk to several people and I slipped away to the bar where I ordered a virgin apple martini. And that was when I saw him. He was like a devil in a tux who graced the floor like an angel. He had dark hair with eyes as blue as the ocean. The shoulders were broad and wide and I felt something kick inside of me. I finally realized it was butterflies as so many people had discussed when finding someone they wanted. He was so powerful in his stance, wearing a dark suit that made him stand out perfectly. He smiled and a light flickered in his eyes. I gasped, feeling my heart pump harder, working to catch my breath. Then he turned and his eyes met mine. I was stunned that I stepped back and turned my back toward him. I downed the martini and ordered another one, this time with alcohol. I downed it and felt the liquor swim in my veins. It was beginning to relax me. I took several deep breaths and turned back around. He was nowhere to be found.

          “Hello,” a dark, deep voice said. I turned around and there he stood. He was a foot taller than I was and I was aware of the male scent that floated toward me. But before I could answer, Justine and Roberto came to my side.

          “Dawson! How great to see you here!” Justine said as she kissed his cheeks. I watched him shake hands with Roberto and then his gaze turned to me. Justine smiled as she noticed the attraction and she took my hand.

          “This is my niece, Gwenna Richards. Gwenna, this is Dawson Harcourt, the man responsible for throwing this lavish party.” I wasn’t prepared when he pulled me into his embrace and placed his lips to my cheek. The kiss left me on fire and when he pulled away, I was almost sorry.

          “Hello Gwenna,” he said.

          My eyes flew open. “You’re American?”

          He smiled. “Yes, I am. Does that shock you?”

          “Yes, it does. I was expecting—“

          “A French host? I’m sorry to disappoint you, darling.”

          “Why don’t you take this moment to get to know Dawson? I’m sure you two will find you have a lot in common.” A slow song played and he extended a hand to me. I took it and he took me to the dance floor. He held me a bit too close, but I didn’t seem to mind. Other couples joined us on the dance floor and I lost sight of Justine and Roberto.

          “I had no idea Justine had a niece like you. She hardly speaks of you.”

          “Really? Funny because Roberto said she couldn’t stop speaking of me to him.”

          He smiled. “I’m not Roberto.”

          “That’s true.” He twirled me and then held me again.

 “How long are you here?”

          “I’m here for the summer. Do you live here?”

          “No, I don’t. I live in the states. I’m here for the summer. And throwing this party is what I do every summer.”

          “You must be rich.”

          “I’m comfortable.” We danced in silence for a few moments and I was very aware of his hand drawing circles on my waist. I tried to not let it bother me, but it was making me feel strange things. When I looked up, I saw that he was looking into my eyes.

          “How do you know Justine?” I asked.

          He smiled. “Who doesn’t? She’s the most popular model here in Paris. I adore her for her beauty and work.”

          “Do you work in the same line as her?”

          “No, I don’t.”

          “Really? You can pass as a model.”

          “Thank you for that compliment. But I’m much too old now to start modeling. She started when she was young.”

          “Old? How old are you?”

          He narrowed his eyes. “I’m 32.”

          “You’re 32? That’s…I’m shocked. You don’t look a day over 24.”

          He smiled. “Thank you. I take it you’re 20.”

          “How did you guess?”

          “You didn’t order alcohol when you arrived. You do realize you’re in Paris? You can drink here.”

          I swallowed and turned my eyes away. “I didn’t realize.” The song ended and I thanked him as I parted from him. I found Justine and Roberto laughing while sitting at a table. I came to pull a chair to sit down and she took my hand.

          “Did you enjoy the dance?” she asked.

          “I did. I didn’t realize he was 32.”

          “He doesn’t look like it though, does he?” I grabbed the drink on the table and took a long gulp. When I put it down, Justine laughed and shook her head.

          “You realize that wasn’t juice?”

          “I know, but Dawson mentioned something to me. I’m in Paris. I can drink here.” I took another long gulp and the alcohol kicked in. I realized I hadn’t eaten and I was beginning to feel it. But I only smiled when Justine and Roberto got up to go dance. I leaned back in my chair and then I felt a hand on my arm. I looked up to find Dawson before me. He sat down where Justine had sat earlier and smiled at me.

          “Why do I feel that you’re running away from me?” he asked.

          “Why would I do that?”

          “Did my age shock you?”

          I laughed, feeling the alcohol kick in. I leaned forward and slipped off my chair. He caught me around the waist and pulled me into his lap. Suddenly, I liked the feeling of being in his lap. It felt right and I reached out to touch his shoulder. Nothing but firm muscles underneath my fingers. I took in a deep breath. His eyes were so clear and bright that I lost myself in them. I was breathing fast and then suddenly I felt sick. I pushed off of him and vomited into the grass. My throat tasted of nothing but bile and I blacked out.

 

          I woke to the sound of soft piano playing. I stirred and felt my head spinning. Goodness, I was exhausted and my body was like limp noodles. I touched my head and groaned. I sat up and the world spun. I stood up and then I lost my balance. Before I hit the floor a pair of strong arms caught me. I gasped and turned to find Dawson staring into my eyes. I pushed away so suddenly, I crashed into the table behind me. I looked at myself and realized I was wearing a man’s shirt. He had changed into jeans and a black t-shirt, which looked incredible on him. But I swallowed and tried to recollect how it was that I got here.

          “Don’t be frightened. Justine and Roberto are downstairs.” I released the breath I was holding. I ran my hands over my hair and sighed deeply. I watched as he backed away from me.

          “I didn’t mean to be rude,” I said.

          He smiled. “You’re given the right to seeing as how you’re sleeping in my room and wearing my clothes.”

          I looked around and realized it had a taste of bachelor. “If you tell me you undressed me, I’ll scream.”

          Dawson smiled. “No, your aunt did, although I’d have paid very good money to undress you.” I swallowed hard and watched as he exited out of the room. I realized I was still dressed in his shirt. I looked around for my dress, but came up empty. I walked out of the room and heard Justine’s laughter. I was again awed silent when I saw how big his house was. It was decorated with a black and white contemporary taste as compared to Justine’s floral look. There were even bigger and more expensive items in his home. I made my way down the stairs and found Justine and Roberto laughing in the den. She stood up when she saw me.

          “Gwenna, how are you feeling?” she asked.

          “What happened?” I asked.

          Roberto stood up. “Too many Vodka, that’s what happened. You vomited all over poor Dawson’s shoes.”

          I cringed as the faint memory came to mind. “Can we go home?” I then saw that Justine and Roberto were freshly dressed. I tried to put two and two together but came up blank. As if she read my mind, she came to my side.

          “We went home this morning to change. I’ve brought you some clothes to wear. And call your mom. She’s worried.”

          My eyes shot open. “You told her?!”

          “I had to because you were not responding to anything anyone was saying. I was scared. I’d never seen anyone like that.”

          I felt my heart thumping. “Oh God, she’s going to kill me.”

          “Not from across the country she can’t,” Justine said with a smile. “Anyways, she’ll just scream and then get over it. Come on, let’s get you dressed so we can go home.”

          After I showered and dressed, I came down the stairs to find the house empty. I took the time going through the portraits on the wall. There was a large family photo with Dawson and his parents along with a younger brother. I smiled seeing how he looked happy. I walked out to the beach and found Dawson walking along the shore. He stopped and waved to me. I waved back and began making my way out to join him. He met me in the middle and I suddenly realized how handsome he truly was. Dressed casually, he looked really good. He didn’t even look as old as he was.

          “Thank you for last night,” I said. “I heard I did some damage to your shoes. I’ll buy you some new ones.”

          He laughed. “No worries, Gwenna. I was happy to help. Justine and Roberto are finishing up their walk.” I turned and found my aunt and her “friend” walking toward us. I smiled and took a deep breath. I looked into his eyes and suddenly I felt lost. He was looking at me like I was the last thing on earth. No one had ever looked at me like that before. It made my toes curl and my heart sink.

          “If I were to ask you to stay, would you?” he asked. I watched as light danced across his eyes and I suddenly wanted to stay. I wanted to know him and I wanted to be alone with him. I wondered what his lips would feel like against mine. A warm fire began to unroll in the pit of my stomach. Then reality hit me and I had to put the fire out.

          “I’m sorry, I can’t. I really should get back with my aunt.”

          The light died in his eyes. “I wouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t want to.”

          “I know that, but I’m just…I’m new to this and I should walk away. I barely know you and I’m only here for the summer. So are you. If we start something like this, it will hurt us.”

          He took my hand and circled his thumbs over my knuckles. “What can I do to make you change your mind?”

          “Nothing, Dawson. I’ve made up my mind. Excuse me.” I pulled my hand from his and walked toward my aunt. I didn’t turn to look back, but the look on my aunt’s face told me everything I needed to know.

 

          The next few days were a haze to live through. I kept thinking about Dawson and everything was him. It was hard to function especially when Justine was busy with photo shoots and left me alone during the day. And at night when she came home with Roberto, their love making made me unable to face the empty nights. I tried to busy myself with visiting boutique shops and cafes, learning how to drink coffee like a real Parisian. But the moment I saw something like a pair of dark eyes, I would be transported back to the moment he asked me to stay. I was literally crazy.

          Perhaps it was my crazy self that I ended up missing the bus to come back home. I’d thought I let the driver take the day off and took the bus. But I spent too long inside the boutique shop and missed it. I was now walking on foot to the nearest phone station to call my aunt. But I missed a turn because I was in a strange area that made my hair stick up. Unlucky for me, my cell phone died and I was literally in a panic attack. Just as I rounded the corner, I saw a few men dressed in thick wool shirts and jeans smoking cigarettes. There was a trash that was lit on fire and they were spreading their hands out in front to keep warm. I stopped and turned around when I heard them snickering. I heard them following me and I picked up the speed. I had just rounded the corner when I ran into a brick dead end. I had nowhere to go and when I turned around, I saw them making their way toward me. Fear slammed my heart hard as I tried to think of a way out. The first man was smiling at me and I realized I had nowhere to go. I backed up until my back hit the brick wall, tears streaming down my face. Flashes of my parents came into mind and I held my breath.

          “Jolie fille,” the man whispered as he removed a very soiled glove from his hand. Tears came down my cheeks as I tried to control my breathing. He came near me and then I heard the sound of tires screeching and a car door opening. The men started shouting and began to run off. I had my eyes closed tightly as fear pounded in me. Suddenly I was lifted into a pair of strong arms. I finally opened my eyes and saw Dawson before me. He gave me a smile as he walked me to his car.

          “How did you find me?” I asked as his driver drove. I was sitting in the back with him. He was staring at me with his dark gaze. My heart was beginning to settle down.

          “I was buying a gift in town and saw you. I told my driver to follow you. I got jammed in traffic and lost you.”

          “Thank God you found me,” I whispered softly.   

          “What are you doing here? It’s a bad part of town.”

          I sighed and rubbed my hands together. “I was just buying gifts and missed the bus. I got lost.”

          He leaned over and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m glad I found you. If anything had happened, I would have murdered those men.”

          “Why? I’m nothing to you.”

          He sighed a shaky breath. “I keep telling myself that, but I haven’t been able to sleep since I met you. My thoughts are filled with you and your smile. I don’t know how this is happening because I barely know you. But you haunt me in my every waking thought and dream. I know now that I must have you, Gwenna. If you don’t say yes, I swear, I’ll go crazy.”

          I watched as his eyes danced again with the same light on the beach that day. Finding the courage, I unbuckled my seat belt and moved closer to him. He stayed still as I climbed onto his lap. Then I put my hands on his face and pulled him into me. When our lips met, I felt the earth shift. It was better than I imagined. He was an expert in making love to my lips. I felt the same fire unfold before me and I wanted more. I was breathless as I pulled away. He was trying to catch his breath as he looked at me.

          “Will you stay the night?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

          “Yes,” I replied back.

 

          Dawson was more than equipped to make the night I was about to lose my virginity a night to remember. We kissed all through to the house, up the stairs, and into his room.

          “Look at me,” Dawson said. “I want you to look at me. I want to see what I do to you.” Feeling brave, I looked into his eyes and I saw the passion stirring in them.

          “I’ll make it feel good, trust me.” And just like he promised, he did. I was lost as he took my virginity. He whispered sweet words to me and I was on fire. My body was no longer my own and I was a woman, finally. I was captured by a feeling that brought my body to a higher meaning. When we came together, it was beautiful and I was free.

          Dawson and I made love two more times throughout the night. I woke up in his arms feeling refreshed and loved. He was sleeping beside me with a handsome look. I reached over and touched his face. He stirred, but didn’t wake as I reached for my clothes. I dressed and walked downstairs when suddenly I remembered my aunt. I was just about to go back up the stairs to call her when I heard tires on the gravel outside. She was already here.

          “Dawson!” she cried as she entered the house. She stopped a few feet from me and the look I had on my face told her everything she needed to know. I heard feet pattering and then Dawson came down beside me dressed in black sweats and a gray t-shirt. But my aunt was fuming with anger as she walked up to us.

          “How dare you take her here without letting me know? Do you know how worried I was last night? I called your mother, Gwenna, and she’s on the next flight here.”

          “What?” I asked.

          Justine was near tears. “I was so sick with fright that I went to the police and everything. Why didn’t you call me?!” I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her. She had been through hell and I was being selfish when I thought only of my own needs.

          “I’m so sorry, Aunt Justine,” I said as I pulled away. “My phone died. I just remembered about calling you when you showed up.”

          “Have you been here all this time?” Dawson stepped forward and explained what had happened and how he found me. Justine’s face broke into fear as she heard what almost happened. I assured her I was fine and that Dawson took good care of me. When I mentioned that, she looked at Dawson and gave him a glare.

          “Get your clothes on. You’re going home with me.”

          I laughed. “Aunt Justine, isn’t that a little too much? I mean, I’m fine. Dawson can take me home later.”

          “No, it’s not fine. I’ve called your mother and she’s on her way here. In fact, she’ll be landing later on tonight seeing as how she took the red eye. Trust me, Gwenna, you don’t want your mother to know you spent the night with Dawson. She will not only kill you, she’ll kill me too. Maybe even him.”

          My words were taken from me and the happiness I felt moments ago was now gone. I turned to Dawson and sighed deeply. “I’m sorry.”

          He touched my cheeks. “Don’t apologize. I had a great night. Go with your aunt. I’ll call you.”

 

          “You should stay away from him.” I was in the car with my aunt driving back to her home. Anger was still fuming through me and now my own mother was coming here. I wasn’t ready to face this. But the words my aunt said surprised me.

          “What? You were the one who introduced me to him. Now you’re telling me to stay away?”

          She jerked the car to the side of the road and parked it. She pulled her sunglasses off and turned to look at me. “I know that. But I didn’t think you’d sleep with him so soon.”

          I blushed. “How can you tell?”

          “Honey, I know the look I saw on you. I’ve had that look. Dawson is dangerous to be around with. He doesn’t know how to commit to a woman. He likes being with numerous woman and the idea of a woman he can’t get is what turns him on.”

          The words made me sick. “How do you know so well? Have you slept with him?”

          “Of course not, but some of my friends have. And I’ll tell you, they have never recovered from it.”

          Fear settled into my heart as I processed what she said. “Why are you telling me this now?”

          “Because I see the look you give him, Gwenna, and it scares me. You’re so innocent and I’m afraid he’ll break you. I’d hate to be the one responsible for it. I introduced you to him. I feel really bad.”

          I swallowed. “If it makes you feel any better, Aunt Justine, I’m an adult now. I can make my own choices and live by them. You don’t need to worry about anything.”

          I wasn’t ready to face my mother because after hearing what my aunt told her, it was going to be hell here. And it was exactly that. When my mother arrived, she was like a tornado destroying everything in her path. She blamed my aunt’s lifestyle for all the decisions I’d made thus far. She blamed me for being stupid and she blamed herself for not being the mother she needed to be. By the time she was done, the three of us weren’t talking and had left to lick our wounds in our own room. It wasn’t until three hours later that I heard a knock on the door. When I opened it, my mom and aunt were standing before me. It seemed they’d made up and was ready to apologize to me. My aunt stayed back while my mother and I took a walk down the road.

          “I was blinded with fear when your aunt called me to tell me everything. She was hysterical herself. I’m sorry if I yelled at you. My worse fear was that you were hurt,” my mother said.

          I ran my hands through my hair and tried to remain calm. “Mom, I want you to know that I would never put myself in that kind of situation. You have to believe me when I say I’m old enough to know better.”

          “But I will always worry, Gwenna. I’m your mother and I’m going to worry. It’s part of being a mother. One day when you become one, you’ll understand.”

          I stopped walking and folded my arms across my chest. “Mom, I slept with someone last night for the first time.” She looked uncomfortable and then turned away. Anger shot through me and I threw up my arms.

          “See! This is why I don’t have a relationship with you. Every time I talk about sex or dating or men, you turn away, embarrassed. How am I supposed to talk to you when you refuse to listen to me?”  

          She turned back around. “I’m trying here, Gwenna. I’m not like Justine, ok? I’m not used to that kind of talk. Your father and I were the only ones we’ve been with and I’m just worried I can’t answer your questions.”

          “Mom, I don’t care if you know the answer or not. I just need to know you’re there to listen to me.”

          “Ok. I’ll try.”

          “Thank you.”

          “So…this guy, is he…cute?” A smile spread across my face as I thought about last night. Dawson was amazing. He was a great lover. From what happened last night, I knew I wasn’t the first girl he’d been with.

          “His name is Dawson. He’s a bit older than me, but he doesn’t even look his age. Justine introduced us and he’s very nice. He’s American, actually, living here for the summer.”

          My mother’s eyes grew wide. “Seems romantic. Can I meet him?”

 

          With the way how we parted, I was surprised Dawson agreed to see me again. I was embarrassed about how my aunt had literally kidnapped me and we stormed out of his house. But he accepted my dinner invitation and as I was getting ready, I heard my aunt and mother laughing downstairs. I wasn’t sure if it was because my mother was here that kept Roberto away or if my aunt was done with him. Aunt Justine had ordered in elegant dishes and the table was set ready for when Dawson was to arrive. I choose one of the black dresses that Aunt Justine bought for me. Aunt Justine wore a white dress with a deep V neck while my mother wore one of her red dresses. Although it came from Old Navy, she looked incredible. At seven, the doorbell rang and the butler answered. Dawson walked in wearing black pants and a blue button down shirt. He looked handsome and my heart skipped a beat. I was surprised when he came to me and pulled me into his arms, giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then his eyes met my mother’s and he smiled.

          “Mrs. Richards, it’s a delight to meet you. I can see where Gwenna gets her beauty from,” he said.

          My mother blushed and took the hand he extended. “Please call me Jean. It’s nice to meet you too.”

          “Justine,” he said nodding to my aunt. My aunt only smiled and tilted her wine glass to him. Everyone sat and my aunt poured wine making sure she excluded me for the sake of my mother. On the table were dishes that were decorated too pretty to eat. We all took a seat, me in the middle with Dawson and my mom and aunt on the opposite ends of the table. As we began to eat, I felt the room get smaller and smaller by the silence that filled the air. Finally, my aunt cleared her throat, and clinked her glass.

          “Thank you for coming, Dawson, to dinner on such short notice. I’m glad you got to meet Jean, my sister,” Justine said.

          Dawson smiled and lifted his wineglass up. “The honor is mine.” Everyone lifted their glass and took a small sip before paying attention to the food again. I could feel Dawson’s heat from his body as he sat pretty close to me. Then I felt his feet had found its way to mine and was now resting beside it. A tingle spread through my body and my hands dropped the fork on the plate, making a clattering sound. My mother cleared her throat and I roughly apologized as my aunt smiled.

          “So…Jean, what do you do?” Dawson asked as casually as he could.

          My mother cleared her throat. “I teach third grade.”

          “Ah, how beautiful. What made you decide to go into education?”

          She gave him a quick smile that did not reach her eyes. “I always wanted to make sure no child got left behind when it came to education. I knew raising three children that sometimes each child has their own way of learning. But once you get into the school systems, teachers may not always teach their best to children. They get left behind and their talents and abilities are lost. If I could save just one or two from being a part of that statistic, I’d be happy.”

          Dawson smiled a real genuine smile and lifted his glass to her. “Bless your heart. You are a beautiful being.”

          My mother blushed. “Thank you.” Throughout dinner, there was small talk of careers, parents and hidden talents. Dawson said only what was asked of him and kept himself hidden. He mostly listened to my mother talk and it made me realize that she had been a mother so long that she had been absent as a person. This was the first time someone had asked her to talk about herself, in a professional way, not just wanting to know if she was a parent or not. It made me feel sad in a way because I had been one of the reasons why she’d become this way. As much as I tried to enjoy the food and listen to the conversation, my aunt’s warning of Dawson kept haunting me. Was it true what she said? And if so, was that why he pursued me so hard? My mouth suddenly grew sour and I lost my appetite. I washed everything down with the sparkling juice and was glad no one saw my emotions.

          After dinner, Dawson asked me to walk him out to his car. He gave my aunt a kiss on the cheek and shook my mother’s hand. Once outside, I suddenly felt like a stranger to him. As we neared his car, he took my elbow and turned me around. It had gotten dark outside but my aunt had lights that were high up and it didn’t hide my eyes.

          “Why did I feel as if you were so far away from me tonight?” he asked.

          I removed myself from his arms. “It’s nothing.”

          He took my arm again. “You’re hiding something. I know you are.”

          I shot my eyes to him. “How do you know? Is it because you’re an expert in women?”

          “What? Where is this coming from?”

          I jerked my arm from him and walked away. “Dawson, perhaps you think I’m naïve. But remember that my aunt knows who you are. She told me everything about you. Her friends have been your sleeping partners and it’s embarrassing to hear that from her. I can’t believe that I allowed myself to be seduced by you so fast. It’s amazing that you can lure me with a simple few words but I guess maybe I really am naïve.”

          He closed the distance between us. “What did your aunt say?”

          “Everything you didn’t say.”

          His jaw worked hard and then he placed his hands on my shoulders. “Now the question to be asked is do you believe her?”

          I shrugged out of his hold. “If I had to choose between you and her, I’d pick her. She’s never lied to me.”

          “I haven’t either.”

          “No, but you’ve kept things from me. You pursued me with everything you had. It’s because you wanted me, isn’t it?”

          “Why does a man go after a woman in the first place? I think some attraction has to be in place for him to go chasing. Not every man will go chasing after a lost cause. And you certainly are not one. I knew what I was doing when I came after you.”

          My mind racked with everything that had happened between us and then something hit me, something I hadn’t thought of before. “That day you found me, in the alley, you planted it, didn’t you?” He was silent. My stomach dropped. “Oh my God, you did. You asked them to corner me so that you could save me and I’d give myself to you.”

          “No, that’s not true. I saw you and I followed you. Those men who came after you wouldn’t have hurt you.”

          “How do you know?”

          “I am the financial institution that gives them money and clothes. They know who I am. I was honest when I said it was a bad part of town. I did lose you when I got stuck in traffic. I called them and told them to lure you away so I could come to you in time. They wouldn’t have hurt you. If anything, they kept you safe.”

          Tears came to my eyes and I started to walk toward the house. He grabbed me and I shoved him off. “Don’t! Don’t touch me! You have lied to me more than anyone I know in my life. I gave myself to you believing you really wanted me.”

          “I do want you!”

          “No, you wanted me because you couldn’t have me. My aunt was right. You only chase things you can’t have and then kick them away once you’re done with it. I was so wrong to have believed you. Stay away from me.”

 

          I was glad to have my mother with me because we took the time to see Paris together. During the day she and I roamed the city, visiting the museums and I realized something I didn’t before. My own mother had become a mother to me and had forgotten herself. In those hours we spent together, I saw a side of her I never saw before. I saw Jean, the woman my grandparents gave birth to and the woman my father fell in love with. She held so many titles and yet I only saw the mother in her. I never realized she’d yearned to want to be as independent as I did. It made me feel sad that after 20 years, did I finally notice that in her.

          We had finished touring a boutique shop when we stopped for coffee and some fruit tart. It was a hot day and I regretted wearing the black dress I had put on this morning. But my mother looked fresh like a flower with her pale yellow dress and straw hat, her hair tumbled down her shoulders. I smiled, my heart warming at the sight of her. She caught my eyes and laughed.

          “What is that look for?” she asked.

          “You look so beautiful. I could see now why dad has never fallen out of love with you.”

          She laughed, giggled even, and set her hat aside. “Stop it. You’re giving me hopes and I’m too old for it.”

          I smiled as the waitress brought us our coffee and tart. “Mom, do you think that a heart recovers from pain?”

          “Of course it does, Gwenna. If it doesn’t, we’d be walking zombies.”

          Laughing, I replied, “Good point.”

          “Listen, I know that you and Dawson don’t really know each other that well. He’s a very rich man who can get anything he wants at a drop of a hat. Not only that, men like him have certain standards of women they spend their time with.”

          I looked away and shrugged my shoulders. “He was a dark prince that had knocked me off my feet. In a moment’s pause, I gave him everything. He wove spells of love and desires that I didn’t know existed.”

          “They’re not spells,” Dawson answered from behind me. Both my mother and I turned around to find him making his way toward me. He was truly a dark prince wearing all black and the amount of women whose head turned to follow him was absolute shocking. When he reached me, he stood waiting until my mother pushed a seat for him to sit. Once seated, he removed the aviators he wore and set them aside.

          “I’m glad I caught you both here. I can kill two birds with one stone,” he said.

          “I’ve always hated that phrase,” I said.

          “Then I’ll remember not to use it again. The point is that I’m ready to hang everything out in the open. Ask me anything you want to know, Gwenna and I’ll tell you.”

          My heart fluttered with his proposal. My mother suddenly became very still and silent as she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. Then I noticed that everyone was staring at us. “People are staring.”

          “Let them stare. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you.”

          “No,” I said sternly. “This is the wrong time and place.”

          “You refuse to answer my calls and refuse to see me. This is the only way for me to lay myself out for you to see. Your aunt was right. I did have her friends as sleeping partners. I regret that. But they were just that, sleeping partners. I haven’t wanted more…until I met you.”

          I laughed. “Oh please, this sounds so scripted. Who wrote this for you?”

          He leaned forward. “Scripted? You think this is scripted? If memory serves me correct, everything I said or can do has always been spur of the moment. Should I refresh your memory of what I can do to you?”

          Anger filled me and I stood up, grabbing my mother’s hand and leading her away. We’d gone two stores down before my mother shouted that she’d left her hat and purse. She turned to go back and I waited for her. Anger fumed me as I stood replaying what he had said. It was too easy to fall for his words. My aunt had warned me enough the first time. I would be smarter and listen this time.

          “Your aunt doesn’t know me.” I turned to find him walking toward me. “What the public knows of me is the image I paint so no one can bother me. My personal life, I keep to myself.”

          “I don’t believe you.”

          “Believe this. You are the only woman who has seen my bedroom.”

          I crossed my arms. “Do you think that impresses me? Do you honestly think I care? I was so stupid to believe that you could be a man I could love. I should have been more careful and looked at the record of hearts you’d broken. The women you sleep with don’t get over you.”

          Dawson stepped closer to me. “Who says I said anything of this to impress you? I know you’re different, Gwenna. Why do you think I showed you the most intimate part of my life? It’s because no one touches that part of me without me at least knowing she’s different. The women who sleep with me in the past are all the same. They desire money and the house I own. They don’t care about my heart.”

          I laughed. “And obviously you don’t care about their hearts either because you have no trouble breaking them.” My mother returned and I took her hand leading her away.

          Later that night, my aunt took my mother out on a ladies night to tour the town her style. I refused the offer and said I was too tired. My aunt dolled up my mother and I was astounded at how the results were. My mother took a picture of herself and sent it to my father. He called right after insisting that I go out with my mother. My mother laughed and for the first time, I saw the light in her eyes. My aunt was right. My mother had looks that were to be envied. She was beautiful and my father was another world away wishing he could have her on his arm.

          As soon as the house was quiet, I sat in my room regretting my decision. I should have gone with them so I could at least have put my drowning heart at rest. I reached for my swimsuit and decided that I would take a night swim to cool off my head. My bathing suit was a plain black one and I tossed it aside. I knew my aunt wouldn’t mind me wearing some of her raunchy ones. And raunchy they were. I found a coral two piece that barely covered anything. Feeling confident, I strolled outside and got into the water allowing it to take over me. It had been a long time since I swam and the atmosphere itself was seductive enough that it made me lose my mind. I didn’t hear Dawson when he entered. When he finally jumped into the pool only did I stop and found him swimming toward me. God that man looked good in anything but water dripping over him was pure heaven.

          “Why are you here?” I asked.

          He smiled devilishly and cocked his head. “I saw your aunt and mother at the bar. You were absent so I knew you were alone.”

          “Wait! You saw my mother where?”

          He laughed. “Relax. Your aunt has her daggers out at anyone who dares look at your mother.”

          “That doesn’t make me relax. That makes me worried. My mother can’t handle her drinks.”

          “Just like you,” he said as his eyes turned dark. I turned to leave when I suddenly remembered what I was wearing. He stood where he was and didn’t make any move. I looked over to find where the towel was. I took a deep breath and walked out calmly. As soon as I reached the towel, I heard water splashing and he grabbed my wrist before I could wrap it around me. His eyes raked over me and I could smell the male ecstasy pouring from him. I tried to jerk my wrist back, but he held on.

          “You shouldn’t have worn that,” he whispered.

          “I can wear anything I want to. You don’t get to tell me.”

          He smiled. “Is that a threat I hear from you? Are you threatening me not to tell you what to wear?”

          “Maybe,” I said.

          “Don’t play the game unless you want to win, Gwenna. You know you will give in. From what I remember last time, you were pleading.” I blushed and tore my hand from him. Taking the towel, I wrapped it around me and walked to the door. I turned around to look at him still standing there.

          “You can leave the same way you came.”

          Midnight came and I heard loud laughing as the door to the house opened and closed. I got out of the bedroom and I found my aunt dragging my mother to her room. The two sisters were laughing and talking gibberish. Rolling my eyes, I walked back to my room and shut the door. As soon as I turned the lights off in my room, I heard it. It was a soft thud against my window. I shoved the covers off and walked to the balcony leading outside. I saw the form of a figure. As I squinted and tried to make out who it was, I heard a match being lit. Fire came alive before me and spelled out the words “I’m sorry.” I caught sight of Dawson leaving the scene as my heart sank in my chest. Tears engulfed me and I tried to catch my breath.

          I turned and ran down the stairs outside where I ran right into his arms. It was as if he was waiting for me. He cupped my face and tilted my chin up to look at him. His eyes were swimming with tears and I realized something right then. I had fallen in love with him. Yes, it didn’t take too long for him to win me over. He had me and I was his.

          “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I should have said a lot more to you about who I was. I led you to think I was a very nice guy. I’m sorry to say that my past says I’m not. But right now, I’m willing to let all I built die just to be your nice guy.”

          I sobbed. “Dawson, stop talking and kiss me.” And he did.

 

          Morning sun filtered into my room and I felt a pair of strong arms around me. I turned to find Dawson beside me with a day old beard across his face and his eyes secretly holding more desire than he should at this early hour. Last night, we had spent the night together making love and getting to know each other’s bodies all over again.

          “Good morning,” I said.

          “A good morning it is,” he replied as he kissed me on the lips. “I should get going. I’d hate to have your mother catch me here with you. She’d skin me alive.”

          I laughed. “Yes, she would. Go on. Come join me for breakfast in a bit.” He smiled and dressed. He kissed me once more before he left using the balcony stairs. I let out a deep breath and a wide smile spread across my face. I got up and showered wearing a pair of blue shorts and a white tank top. I made my way down the stairs to find my mother with her head in her hands and still in her robe.

          “Mom?” I asked.

          She looked up with dark circles under her eyes and exhaustion. “If your aunt ever tries to make me go out again, please shoot me before I agree.”

          Laughing, I pulled a chair and sat down. “That much fun, huh?”

          “Oh, God, I feel as if an elephant is sitting on my head. And your father is really mad at me.”

          “Why?”

          “I didn’t pick up his calls. I came home to fifteen missed calls from him. He’s so mad he’s on the next flight here.”

          I clapped my hands together and laughed. “Geesh, isn’t that a little bit dramatic? Wait, it has to be because he’s never seen this side of you before. Did you at least have fun?”

          She smiled and then laughed loudly. “Oh, yes, I did. It was like nothing I’d ever done before, but I’m super glad Justine talked me into it. She just forgot to mention about the after effects of drinking too many Johnny Walkers.”

          “Speaking of Aunt Justine, where is she?”

          “She’s a beast. She’s already at work getting dolled up while I’ve been puking my guts out since this morning.”

          “How much did you drink last night?” She stared at me then began to count her fingers. By the time the sixth finger came up, she dropped her hands and made a face.

          “A lot,” she replied. “And I’ll never do it again.” She groaned and ran her hands through her hair. “Your father is going to kill me.”

          “No, he won’t. Just have Aunt Justine doll you up again and have you greet him at the airport in one of her raunchy outfits and he’ll forgive you.”

          She laughed and then stopped. Her hands went to massage her temples. Then she opened her eyes and stared at me. I knew that look and I was ready for it.

          “What’s going on with Dawson?”

          “Nothing…at the moment. We met and I think I love him.”

          Laughing, she replied, “Sweetheart, you can’t love him for the timeframe you’ve known him.”

          I was expecting that from her. I knew my mother quite well. She was conservative and she believed in reasons. She didn’t let things get to her head easily. It took my father six months to convince her to go out with him and another three years before she agreed to be his wife. She needed reasons.

          “Mom, I know this isn’t normal for you. You have different beliefs and you might see this as something strange. But I’m telling you that I love him. He fulfills me in ways I don’t think any other man can.”

          “Honey, you haven’t had time for any other man. You need to explore your options. You’re so young.”

          “We’re not getting married,” I stated sternly. “I’m simply saying I love this man and I want to pursue this.”

          She took my hand. “Gwenna, he doesn’t even live in the same state you do. How are you going to pursue this when you’re miles away? I’m afraid you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.” I looked away and took a deep breath. A part of me knew she was right. He and I didn’t live in the same state and I knew that once summer was over, he’d be gone and I would have to return to reality. But I didn’t want this to end. I wanted to continue this and see where it would lead me. I turned to gaze at my mother’s eyes and suddenly I felt very lonely. I didn’t know what lay ahead and the thought of being without Dawson made me physically sick. My mother touched my arm and I looked up at her.

          “You love him that much?” she asked. I didn’t answer. “I see that look in your eyes. I had that same look when I realized I was in love with your father. I guess I didn’t want to believe that it would happen so fast for you.”

          My voice trembled when I spoke. “I’m not you, mom. I can’t hold onto my feelings and just love quietly. It comes out of me quite loud and when it does, it even scares me. But I just know that without Dawson in my life, it would be meaningless to live. Whatever you feel for dad, know that I feel the same for Dawson. And he feels the same for me.”

          “If he hurts you…,”

          I nodded. “I’m sure he will at some point, but I know that I can handle it. I’ll have to because I love him.”

          My aunt outdid herself…again. She made my mother look twenty years younger and when my father stepped out of the airplane and into the airport, he walked right past her. He had already walked about three strides before he realized he’d walked past her. The moment he turned and saw her was priceless. I wished I’d caught it on camera. He dropped his luggage and threw his arms around her, lifted her up and swung her. Of course my aunt cried and I rolled my eyes. When her feet landed on the ground, he kissed her as if he’d never kissed her before. This time, I cried, knowing the feeling of being loved. Everyone around them envied them and some even clapped. It was a moment of perfection. I knew I’d always remember this moment until I was old.

          We rode in silence to my aunt’s house and once there, my father left to unpack with my mother behind him. My aunt ordered in dinner and I went to change. When I came back downstairs, Dawson was sitting in the living room wearing all black. The moment I saw him, my heart flipped and a smile spread across my face. He stood up and kissed my cheeks.

          “Hi,” I said out of breath.

          “Hi. I wanted to come meet your father.”

          “Sure.” I took his hand just as my parents came down the stairs. My father was still wearing the same clothes, jeans and a white polo, obviously not caring about my aunt’s rule about wearing nice clothes for dinner. My mother had changed into a purple dress. Together, they made a very handsome couple.

          “Dad, this is Dawson. Dawson, this is my father, Eric.” The two men shook hands and the glare Dawson got from my father was anything but welcoming. I knew my dad knew I was sleeping with him and that was the cold glare that he gave Dawson. It was awkward. After an uncomfortable exchange of greetings between the two, we left to join my aunt in the dining room.

          My aunt had ordered in a pretty rich and extravagant dinner with two expensive wine bottles chilling in ice. I looked at the food spread out before me and realized I didn’t recognize any of the food. I wanted pizza even though I knew it cost my aunt an arm and a leg for this. Everyone sat and food was passed around. I took only the pasta, the one dish I recognized, and helped myself to it.

          “Dawson, what are your plans after summer?” my father asked. I stopped twirling the pasta around my fork. The conversation had already begun and dinner had barely started. I turned to find my mother looking away knowing she couldn’t stop her own husband. Aunt Justine pretended to be deaf.

          “I have plans to renovate a building in the states, Minnesota, to be exact,” he said. This surprised me and I turned to look at him. His eyes were however on my father.

          “Oh really?” my father said, clearly not impressed.

          Dawson smiled, set his utensils down and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Sir, why don’t you ask me the question you really want to ask.” My father swallowed hard and stared at him. “Sir, I have no ill intention towards your daughter. In fact, my feelings are nothing but honorable. I understand your concern for you to come all this way to Paris. But please trust the fact that I was raised by parents who taught me to not destroy other people’s daughters for my own glory. She’s your daughter and I hold you as her father in the highest honor. Therefore, anything I do, will be with you in the back of my mind.” I swore I saw a small flicker of a smile across my father’s face.

          After dinner, I almost burst out laughing when my mother took my father’s hand and led him to walk with her, knowing he’d follow Dawson and me outside. I fought the urge to throw my arms around my mother. Once we were alone, his arms came to wrap around me, holding me close. His scent surrounded me and I already missed him, wanting him closer than this.

          “Did you miss me this morning?” he asked.

          I giggled. “Of course I did. I couldn’t wait to see you again.” He turned me around to face him. I watched as his eyes danced with an emotion I didn’t recognize and I wondered what was going through his mind.

          “I was honest with your father,” he said suddenly. “About working in the states when summer ends. I didn’t say it so he’d be impressed.”

          “I’m sure that’s why you impressed him in the first place. Look, Dawson, you don’t need to explain anything to me.”

          “No, I do. You wanted the truth about me. Yes, I’m tainted with a lot of history. I like women, a good variety of them. I have slept with a lot of them and I have hurt a lot of them. But that was because I didn’t care for any of them. None of them made sense to me and I didn’t stay long enough in the relationship to find out if they would. They were just a good partner to clear my head in bed.”

          “That sounds harsh.”

          He sighed and let me go. He ran both hands through his hair. “I know, but the truth is always harsh and ugly. My resume of women would make you cringe and kick me to the curb. But I was waiting for someone like you to help me rid of it. You came along and then everything changed. I lost myself in your eyes and when you smile, my heart just melts. I want you to smile like that just for me. I want to see that smile because you want me.”

          “I do smile for you.”

          He came to me and took my hand. “I know that and that is why I’m changing my ways. But I wanted to warn you that I have ghosts that will hurt you. But don’t give in to them. You must promise me that you will always believe me first.”

          I frowned. “Why does this sound like you’re preparing me for something bad?”

          “Just know that when it happens, I already warned you.”

 

          That night after everyone had retired to their rooms, the words Dawson said bothered me. It wasn’t what he said; it was how he said it that made my skin crawl. Feeling uneasy, I knocked on my aunt’s door and when I entered I found her putting lotion on her super long model legs. I shut the door and walked to sit down as she smiled at me. She was even more beautiful freshly showered and sporting a naked face.

          “What’s up?” she asked.

          “I want to ask you something.”

          “Sure.” She set the lotion down and turned to look at me. “What’s wrong?”

          I took a deep breath. “Dawson said something that bothered me. He said that he had ghosts that might hurt me and that I should be prepared and to believe him when it came down to it. What did he mean by it?”

          Aunt Justine crossed her arms and cocked her head. “Why are you asking me? Why not just ask him?”

          “Because he speaks in riddles and I’d rather hear it from you.”

          She laughed and shoved her hands through her wet hair. “Look, Dawson is a sore subject to talk about and if I’m going to be talking about him, I need a drink. Grab the whiskey and glass from the bottom drawer over in my bookcase.” I did as she asked and she poured herself a glass. She took a large sip and then she settled her eyes on me.

          “Dawson dated one of my best friends from college. Her name was Heather. They were pretty hot and heavy.” I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear this. “Heather was a very curvy girl with pretty good assets and that’s what Dawson liked…back then. They were together for two years.”

          I swallowed. “That’s a long time.”

          “Yes, it was. But it was two years of hell. Heather was also a drug addict and on nights that she’d disappear, he would go around in his car looking for her in the alleyways to see if he’d find her.” My heart pumped faster not expecting this turn of story. “He was in love with her.”

          “I’m getting sick to my stomach.”

          “I’m sorry. You asked.” I was silent for I did ask. She continued. “But the last draw was when Heather found out she was pregnant and aborted the baby without him knowing. He found out when she was hemorrhaging and took her to the hospital. The doctor confirmed that an abortion was done by someone not of a doctor’s profession. Heather died on the operating table.”

          I felt tears enter my eyes. “Oh my God.”

          Aunt Justine threw her drink back and sighed deeply. “After Heather died, Dawson started sleeping around with anyone who would spread her legs to him. He finished college, took his dad’s business on a spin and made more million than expected. But he continued his reckless ways. It put a distance between him and his parents. They were always arguing. He slept with the entire city it seemed just to cure his own guilt that he couldn’t save Heather. I know why he chose you.”

          “Why?” I asked. She dug into her drawer and pulled out a picture. I took it with shaking hands. Pictured with Aunt Justine was a pretty girl who looked almost like me. We could almost pass as twins. I let out a sob and dropped the photo. Justine picked it up and put it back in its place.

          “When I introduced you to him, I didn’t think of your similarities in your looks. Only after did I realize. I think he’s still in love with Heather and he’s finding solitude in you. Perhaps he’s trying to forgive himself and he may find it by loving you and letting you fix whatever is broken.”

          The tears I was holding escaped and I let out a sob. My aunt took me into her arms and I cried. She held me and I just poured out my heart. I knew his warning wasn’t something like a slap on the wrist. His eyes spoke volumes of something horrific and the woman in the picture proved that he was still living in the past. I pulled away and she handed me a tissue. I dabbed at my eyes and blew my nose. She tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

          “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize you’d fall in love with him this fast. I shouldn’t have introduced you to him.”

          “Why did you?”

          She shrugged. “Despite of his background and shitty resume of women, he’s not a bad guy. I just thought you’d like to have a bit of fun while you were here. But then when he hooked into you, I suddenly remembered Heather. It’s been a long time since it happened. I admit, I buried it away and never dug it up until you and him started to become serious.”

          I sighed. “So he doesn’t love me or want me. He wants her and I just happen to look like her.”

          “Maybe, maybe not. You’ll have to ask him that.”

          I left to my room feeling as if my heart had been pulled out of my chest. My eyes hurt from crying and my throat was hoarse. I didn’t know how to feel. I was numb from everything my aunt had told me. My fingers weren’t working to open the door knob and I ended up sitting slumped in front of my door. I just sat there with tears falling down my face. I didn’t know how long I had been sitting there until my mother came out. By the looks of her, she looked like she was getting ready to go downstairs for a drink of water. She stopped when she saw me and immediately came to sit beside me.

          “Did he hurt you?” she asked.

          I shrugged. “I guess it depends on how you define hurt.”

          “Did he cheat on you?”

          I shook my head. “No. But I feel like what I’ve been told is worse than being cheated on.” I sobbed and covered my eyes with my hands. She put her hand on my arm and I turned to her. I began sobbing and heaving as I empty my heart to her.

          “Honey, what is it?”

          I pulled away and wiped my eyes. “Would you ever date a man who might look like dad?”

          She frowned. “What? I don’t understand.”

          “Say for example, dad left you and you found someone who looks like him. Would you date him because he reminded you of dad?”

          “No. Why would I do that? I’d not only be hurting myself but the other person.”

          “Unless you were heartless, you would.”

          My mother sighed deeply. “Are you saying Dawson is seeing you because you look like someone he knew?”

          “According to Aunt Justine, he is. She’s got proof too. She looks just like me, not a day different. I suppose he was afraid she might have told me this so he even warned me tonight. There’s so much I don’t know about him yet I’ve allowed myself to fall in love with him so deeply. I’m going to be broken by this and I’m so scared I may never heal from this.”

          My mother ran her fingers through my hair. “Don’t say that, honey. You are stronger than me. When I look at you, I am often dumbfounded by your ability to be so strong. There’s so much power in you that it makes me wonder how it is that I gave birth to you when I’ve no strength at all.”

          I began to cry. “If I’m that strong then why am I so unglued right now? Why am I so weak to love him when I barely know him? How can I move on knowing that he’s only with me because I look like someone he still loves?”

         

          I spent the night tossing and turning, sleep nowhere to be found. I watched the sun rise and I felt as if my heart had turned to stone. I knew that Dawson would be coming today. I could almost feel him nearby. I decided to dress and show him the way I felt without putting on any makeup. I didn’t care if he saw me the way I looked because I needed to show him what I knew. I wanted him to know that it hurt.

          As if he read my mind, when I walked outside, his car appeared in the driveway. He got out and the moment he saw my face, his smile disappeared. I walked away and he followed me to the waters. I stood hugging myself and I felt him behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and as his scent engulfed me, I started to cry.

          “She told you, didn’t she?” he whispered softly.

          I turned around and I stepped away from him. “My aunt showed me the picture of her. I have only one question. Are you with me because I look like her?”

          He let out an uneven steady breath. “I’m not sure.” I let out a sob and turned away. Anger shot through me and I turned back around swiftly. Before I could control my hand, it flew across to hit his cheek. He stood still as I began sobbing.

          “I hate you! I can’t believe I swallowed up every single damn word you said. Did you say those words to her too? Did she eat it up the same way I did? Did you make love to me the same way you did her? I am filled with disgust thinking how you were thinking of her the entire time you were inside me! I can’t believe I allowed myself to love you!”

          He grabbed my arms and pulled me in. I fought him off and he stumbled backward. “I’m so sorry. It started out as that. But I swear to you that it is not anymore.”

          “How do you expect me to believe you? How do you expect me to know what is the truth?”

          “Didn’t I warn you about this? Didn’t I warn you that this would happen? That people would say things to hurt us and you had to believe me first. This is what I meant.”

          I shook my head. “You hurt me so deeply, Dawson. You lied to me and to think that this entire time you were with me because I looked like her, it just makes me feel disgusted. I wish I had bleach so I could clean the inside of me.”

          “You don’t mean that.”

          “I do. Stay away from me.” I walked away from him and he didn’t stop me.

          My parents had left to spend the day together while my aunt went to a photo shoot. It left me alone and my thoughts were killing me by the hour. Pretty soon, I was feeling sorry for myself and sobbing like someone had died. Then I realized it was me who had died which made me feel worse. I decided to get out of the house. I dressed as simply as possibly, put on sunglasses to hide my dark eyes and put on straw hat to hide my messy hair. I decided to make the best out of the day.

          I ended up at a small café sipping some strange tea that had my eyes burning. Although it made my sore throat feel better, the smell was too overbearing. I finished my biscuit and was about to get up when I heard a voice behind me. I turned around and found a handsome man with dark hair smiling at me. He had dark aviators and when I turned toward him, he removed them and showed me a pair of blue eyes that warmed me instantly.

          “The tea, did you like it?” he asked.

          I smiled. “Ugh, it smelled too much of a strange scent and it overpowered the drink. I tried to enjoy it. I wouldn’t recommend it.”

          He nodded and then stood up. “Thank you for the kind review. I’ll be sure to let the staff know and change it up.”

          I froze. “Wait…you…you work here?”

          He smiled and his eyes sparkled. “No. I own the place.”

          I cringed and knew I was blushing. I grabbed my purse. “Excuse me while I go hide under a rock.”

          He laughed and walked toward me. “Please don’t run. There’s no rock for you to hide under anyways, at least not here.”

          “Great.”

          He laughed harder. “I apologize. I was watching you while you were drinking it and you made some funny expressions. I had to ask you what your thoughts were. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

          “Embarrass is putting it lightly. You scalded me alive.”

          He extended his hand to me. “I’m Brandon Shules.”

          I took his hand. “Gwenna Richards. You’re American yet you own a café in Paris. Why is that?” He gestured for us to sit. I took a seat and he leaned back in his chair. I suddenly felt like I could connect with him. He appeared to be friendly and I needed friendly after Dawson.

          “I like Paris. It’s the city of romance. I could have opened up in America, but not a lot of Americans drink tea.”

          “But English people do, why not open one in England?”

          He laughed. “But England isn’t as romantic as Paris. Here, you’ve got the Eiffel Tower, the lights and the women. Nothing can go wrong. Besides, I’m a man of many talents and England is something else. What are you doing here?”

          “I’m visiting my aunt. You might know her. Justine Jewels.”

          His eyes lit up and he smiled. “You’re Justine’s niece? Of course, everyone here in Paris knows who Justine is. She’s the Angelia Jolie of Paris. You don’t look like her though.”

          “So I’ve been told. I got my mother’s looks.”

          “But you’re still beautiful. How long are you visiting? Perhaps I could come to take you for a tour of Paris?”

          Shrugging, I replied, “I don’t know about that.”

          He laughed. “Oh, did I step on toes? Are you seeing someone?” I shook my head. “Well then, looks like I’ve struck gold.”

          Brandon and I spent the day touring Paris and I had to give the guy credit. I saw the city in a whole different light. He was honest with everything he showed to me and I found him to be fascinating. Everything he said had me hanging onto him and the way how his eyes would light up when he talked about colors and texture had me even beginning to appreciate art. He was kind enough to send me home later that evening. As he smiled and waved good bye to me, I promised myself I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and let him heal the pain inside of me. As I walked toward the house, I noticed that the driveway was empty, which meant no one was home.

          Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement and I turned to find Dawson making his way toward me. He was wearing all black as if in mourning as he took three strides toward me. His eyes were staring after Brandon’s car before they fell to look at me.

          “Who is he?” Dawson asked against gritted teeth.

          Ignoring him, I walked around him toward the house. “Go home, Dawson. You’re not welcome here.”

          He jerked me around and grabbed my shoulders. “Why are you punishing me? I admitted I was wrong.”

          I pulled away and almost laughed. “That makes everything you did ok? I thought you were smarter than that, Dawson. Open your eyes and look around you. What you did has cut me open! I’m not interested in being your beck and call so your heart can pretend that I’m your old flame.”

          Dawson shut his eyes and then opened them slowly. “You were never my beck and call. If anything, you were the peace I needed. In the one day we haven’t seen each other and already you’re in the arms of another man. You said what I did has cut you open. Now open your eyes because you’re gutting me alive.”

          I laughed. “Do you think I care? I purposely want to make sure your heart gets yanked out from under you.” I turned and walked toward the house. I could feel my heart pounding but I kept my head straight until I made it safe inside the house where I finally cried until I was weak.

          They say that love has funny ways of showing up when you least expect it. I suppose that’s true. It had been a week since the run in with Dawson and he had been smart enough to not come back around. In the time being, Brandon and I started seeing each other. The company helped me return to my old self where laughter came easy and smiles could be found. I was happy again and as much as I fought the urge to think about Dawson, I remembered his story with the girl who looked like me. That hardened my heart and I became stronger. My parents were just happy to have their daughter back.

          Justine was busy working on a fundraiser that was supporting cancer and she introduced me to designing table décor. I immediately fell in love and lost myself in the designs. Helping her made me realize my talent and my mother offered an idea that sparked an interest about opening up a shop for me. I made over three hundred little rose cutouts from construction paper. Although exhausted, I was really proud of my work. Not only that, but I also got a date to go with on the night of the party.

          Justine had bought a black sequin mermaid style dress for herself a few months back. But she was too thin and it was loose around her hips. She took it out of the closet and had me try it on for the party. As soon as I put it on, she was in love. I had never worn anything like that before and the exposure the dress showed was a bit nerve wrecking, but I decided I was going to walk with my head held tall. She helped curl my hair and doll me up. I wore a pair of her teardrop earrings and the finished look had my father wondering if he should just fly me back home. But when my mother gave him an evil look, he pretended to read the newspaper he held.

          Brandon picked me up at eight that evening and he was dumbfounded. He had no words to say and while my aunt rode ahead in her car, he and I rode together in his limo. He was very handsome with his three piece tuxedo and his hair brushed back. I felt very lucky.

          “I’m still wondering if this is a dream,” Brandon said as we were in the car.

          “Why?”

          He leaned forward and stared at me. “I’m stunned that you don’t know. You are absolutely the most beautiful creature God has ever made and I’m sitting in the same car with you. Need I say more?”

          Blushing, I looked away. When I returned his gaze, he was all smiles. “Thank you.”

          “Gwenna, I’m not a fool. I know when a woman has been hurt. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. The hardest thing for a woman to do is to love a good man after she’s had a bad one. But I promise you that I’m a good man.”

          I inhaled deeply. “I appreciate that, Brandon. I know you’re a good man. You’ve brought me back to me.” He reached for my hand and I gave it. He brought my knuckles to his lips and lightly kissed. My belly did a few flips and he smiled at me.

          “Thank you for trusting me.”

          We arrived and I could see cameras and reporters standing before the red carpet. I saw my aunt posing and the crowd going wild for her. I swallowed hard as Brandon took my hand. With one last smile to me, he opened the door and the noise from the crowd took over. I saw flashes from cameras and I heard reporters asking Brandon who I was. He was posing and smiling as he introduced me as a special lady. After being blinded by the lights with my cheeks hurting from smiling, we made it through to the main lobby where my aunt took my hand from Brandon.

          “Sorry, Brandon, I’ll return her to you shortly,” Justine said as she ushered me into the dining room. As soon as we were alone, she threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. When I pulled back she had tears brimming in her eyes.

          “You looked so beautiful and elegant I had to steal you away for a moment,” she said. “You doing ok?”

          I smiled. “Yes, I am. I’m a bit overwhelmed and my cheeks hurt.”

          She laughed. “You’ll get used to it. Ok. There’s a handsome man waiting for you. Go on.” I walked out and saw Dawson entering with a tall leggy blonde on his arm. Before he could lock eyes with me, I ran off and found Brandon conversing with an older man. He saw me and excused himself before taking my hand. We walked to a room where my table décor was visible for the public eye. I had to say, I did pretty well. Lots of the people complimented the work and I smiled proudly. There was a band playing soft jazz music and ladies dressed richly. Men were clinking glasses and talking of business. Brandon led me to a table where we sat down and when I looked up, I saw Dawson making his way in. The blonde was gone and his eyes were darting everywhere until they landed on me. He froze and darkness swept over his expression. He started walking toward me until I pulled Brandon to sit down beside me. Again, Dawson froze and this time, I turned my attention to Brandon.

          “I was not prepared for that entrance,” I said.

          He smiled. “You looked like a pro.”

          “Brandon.” I looked up to find Dawson walking toward us. Brandon’s eyes turned dark as he stood up and took the hand Dawson extended with an awkwardness that made my skin crawl. The two men looked at each other long and hard. Brandon extended his hand to me and I took it as I stood up.

          “You’re courting the precious Gwenna, I see,” Dawson said as his eyes remained on me.

          “I am and I’d appreciate it if you shifted your eyes to me when you spoke to me,” Brandon declared.

          Ignoring Brandon, Dawson said to me, “You look like you need a drink.”

          “You don’t know what I need. If anything, Brandon will take care of my needs,” I replied. I pulled on Brandon’s arm and we walked away to the dance floor. We had just started dancing when I noticed that the blonde had made her way back to Dawson’s arms.

          “You know him?” Brandon asked.

          “He was a mistake,” I said.

          “He was a lot of women’s mistake.”

          I frowned. “How do you know him?”

          “He was my ex-girlfriend’s mistake.” Ouch. I bit my lip. That had to hurt. I ignored the daggers Dawson was shooting at me with his eyes.

          “I’m sorry you had to find out he was my mistake too.”

          Brandon sighed. “How bad did he hurt you?”

          I looked up at him and pondered if I should tell him. Then I remembered how honest he was with me about his ex-girlfriend. I looked up at him and shrugged my shoulders. “How long have you known him?”

          “I know him long enough to not want to know him.”

          “Did you ever see him date a woman who looked like me?” Brandon narrowed his eyes and then the corners of his eyes relax. The truth hit me hard. He knew and I had only known this man for a week.

          “Is that why he was with you? Because you reminded him of someone he couldn’t have?” Brandon asked.

          I nodded. “Yeah, pretty sad, huh? I thought I was in love. Here I was, giving my entire heart and soul to this man, and all he wanted was a piece of something he lost long ago.” Brandon pulled me into his arms and I could smell his cologne, strong, just like him. He put his lips to my temple.

          “I’m so sorry. I’m not a fan of his and I hate that he hurt you.”

          “I’m sorry you had to know I was in his circle too. After losing your girlfriend, I’m sure you hate him.”

          Brandon sighed. “The past is a lesson for me. I can’t hate him anymore than I already do. I have forgiven him and I’ve moved on. Unfortunately, my ex-girlfriend and I could not be together anymore. We could not live in the same house after knowing what she did to me. I just couldn’t allow it.”

          I pulled back and looked at him. “I’m so sorry, Brandon.”

          “Let’s not talk about him anymore.” I nodded and laid my head on his shoulder. We danced together, letting the music soothe over our pain.

          Dinner was served and we ate laughing together. At one point, Brandon tried feeding me a strawberry and it fell into my cleavage. He paused and stared at me. I only laughed harder as I reached in and took it out. But before I could toss it aside, he grabbed my wrist and took a bite out of the fruit. I only smiled as he licked his lips and commented on how sweet it was. Speeches were held after with Aunt Justine delivering an epic one and had everyone tearing up. I excused myself to the restroom after her speech. As I made my way to the ladies’ restroom, I was yanked violently to a janitor closet where Dawson cornered me with his arms.

          “All this week, I’d been wrecking my brain about who that man in the car was and it turns out to be Brandon? Why are you with him?” Dawson asked.

          I pushed him away and planted my hands on my hips. “Stay away from me, Dawson. You and I are no longer together. You broke me the moment I knew why you were with me. Stop hurting people. It’s going to end up with you being alone and miserable.” I turned to go and he called out my name softly. I ignored him and made my way out the door.

          The rest of the night, I made sure I was literally glued to Brandon’s arm. Nothing could come between us. We were dancing, laughing and drinking as if nothing could stop us. Brandon’s laughter and words relaxed me more than I had thought it would. I enjoyed his company and pretty soon, the wine I had been drinking caught up to me. I felt my body reflexes slow and my vision blur. The last thing I remembered was Dawson walking toward me with dark eyes.

 

          I woke recognizing the silk materials on the bed. When I turned, I found Dawson’s dark eyes on me. My heart sank and I got up to find I was wearing his robe. I pulled the belt tighter around me and looked around the room. The dress I was wearing yesterday was on the ground as were my heels. My mind was boggled and I had no idea what had happened.

          “Why am I here? Where’s Brandon?” I asked.

          Dawson got out of bed and came toward me. “He’s at home recovering from a head injury.”

          “What?!” I cried. “Did you hurt him?”

          “Of course I did, after he tried to rape you.” I froze and watched as Dawson stared at me with heavy eyes. With shaking hands, I reached for the chair behind me and sat down. He came to me and got down on his knees. He took my hands and looked into my eyes.

          “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Heather. It was never my intention to hurt you. It may have started out because you looked like her. But the more time I spent with you the more I realized you were nothing like her.”

          I felt a tear escape. He caught it. “What happened last night?”

          “You were dancing and having fun. He kept giving you wine. You don’t hold your liquor well. You were on the dance floor when you fell. I came toward you and he had you in his arms. Your Aunt Justine was following you both out to his limo. She returned to get your purse and he tried to fondle you. You were trying to say no but you were groggy and unfocused. He tore your dress and I came at him. Your aunt came in when I was beating the shit out of him.”

          I covered my face with my hands and started sobbing. I felt strong arms pull me in and I let him hold me. My body felt robbed and I couldn’t stop crying. He pulled away and wiped my tears.

          “Are you going to be ok? I swear if he had done more I’d have ripped him a new gut.”

          “Why am I here?”

          “Your aunt decided to have you here because she didn’t want your parents to know. She told them you were sleeping over with her friends. She wants to talk to you when you’re up and ready.”

          I hugged my knees. “I feel so stupid. I thought he really liked me.” Then I looked up at him. “He said you were his ex-girlfriend’s mistake.”

          Dawson raised an eyebrow. “You believed him?”

          I shrugged. “I don’t know what to believe anymore.”

          He sighed and rubbed my cheeks with his fingers. “I have never taken any of his women. He’s upset with me because I bought out his company and bankrupted his family.” He touched my cheeks one last time and moved to sit on the bed. “His parents had gotten divorced and they were falling under. I came in and bought out his company. His parents filed for bankruptcy and he didn’t get the business as his father had planned.”

          I let my knees down. “That’s why he’s mad at you. Do you think he sought me out?”

          “I’m sure he did. He knew he couldn’t get to me so he decided to get back at someone I love.”

          His words made me ache. “Love? You love me?”

          Dawson looked up at me and his shoulders sagged. “I’m trying not to because you obviously hate me right now. But I can’t help it.” I didn’t know what to say so I simply stared. Then he touched my face and the eyes that looked back at me were filled with genuine kindness that I felt almost dizzy.

          “Why must you fight me? Why must you run from me? I’ve done all I can to tell you that people will say anything they want to about me to make you hate me. I come with a history that I’m not proud of but it shouldn’t be the reason why you run from me.”

          I took a deep breath. “You’re a bomb, Dawson. Everything about you frightens me. You’ve lived a very wild life and all I know is how to make coffee in the morning. How am I supposed to suddenly turn my entire life around for you? Give me some credit here because the life you live is something I’ve never lived before. You’re asking a lot out of me.”

          “But I love you. Isn’t that enough to want to be with me?” I watched as he pulled me closer to him and the tears I held rolled down my cheeks. He caught them and wiped them away.

          “I love you, Gwenna. I haven’t loved anyone since her,” he whispered.

          “Why did you choose me in the first place?”

          Sighing, he replied, “Because you looked like her. The first time I saw you, I thought I saw a ghost. You had the same body, the same walk, the same of everything. You don’t understand, Gwenna. She died because I couldn’t save her. I still carry that guilt with me. I just wanted closure.”

          “So you pretended to court me to rid your guilt? How is that supposed to bring you closure? Getting rid of one guilt while creating a new one? Does that make everything you did to me ok?”

          He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t and I don’t blame you for hating me. But at the moment, all I wanted was to feel better. I hadn’t had a good day since she died. When you came into my life, I suddenly wanted to be better. And then I realized you were nothing like her and it was you who was making me better. That was when my purpose shifted and I wanted you for you. I was scared and that’s why I warned you about my history. Your Aunt Justine probably was going to tell you no matter what and I was frightened of the outcome.”

          “I sought her out.”

          He shot his head up. “What?”

          “I sought her out. I wanted to know why you were speaking in riddles about your life. I had to know. She’d forgotten about Heather and when she showed me the photograph, I about died. She was the exact duplicate of me.” I leaned forward. “Do you know how much it hurt me? Knowing you probably made love to me only because I looked like someone you used to love? Knowing I may never measure up to her? Do you understand the power you hold over me?”

          He took my wrists and held them together. “Do you understand the power you hold over me?” I didn’t answer as he stared at me, waiting for any kind of reaction. I tried to remove my wrists, but he held on tight.

          “Let me go,” I ordered.

          “Or what?” he asked without any fear.

          “Or…or I’ll scream.”

          A smile spread across his face. “We’re in the middle of nowhere, sweetheart. Scream all you want.” I tore my hands from him and shot to my feet. I turned around to face him.

          “I’m done talking to you. Take me home.”

 

          The topic of me spending the night with Aunt Justine’s friends wasn’t brought up when I arrived home an hour later. My parents were packing and getting ready to leave. They seemed to have dropped the idea of me being in trouble after I clearly stated that Dawson and I were over. My aunt and I both sent my parents to the airport where I hugged them tight and wished them a safe flight home. Once we returned back to her house, the discussion was laid raw on the table.

          “I can’t remember what happened last night,” I said as I ran a hand through my hair. “Please tell me what Dawson told me isn’t true about Brandon.”

          Aunt Justine sighed. “I normally do not always side with Dawson but this time I have to say I’m glad he was there because things could have been a lot worse. I don’t know what I would have done if Brandon had finished what he intended to do.”

          I shut my eyes and started to cry. “Why me? Do I have a sign on my head that says ‘attack me?’”

          Aunt Justine pulled me into her arms. “It’s not your fault. He was a very cowardly man who thought he could put his hands on you that way. I’m so sorry.”

          I pulled away. “Dawson is making my head spin. I’m not sure what I want to do.”

          “Start over. Don’t agree to anything to what Dawson says and don’t talk to Brandon anymore. Just be by yourself and take some time to put everything back together.” I nodded and hugged her again.

          The evening was a tough time for me. It reminded me of Dawson’s arms and his kisses. But I decided to do what my aunt suggested. I decided to take a break and fix myself. In the process of putting myself together, I stopped caring about everything else. I needed to make sure I wasn’t going to be hurt in the long run. I decided to make a decision based on my needs. So I packed my bags, told my aunt I was leaving back home where I can clear my head and without a word to Dawson, left him and his world behind.

 

4 years later

          “I believe there is a good inside every person, even if that person has done something wrong at one point. The reason why I began this journey was because I wanted to give everyone a chance to redeem their goodness. At one point in my life, I was deeply depressed and I wondered why I was living. I thought about taking my own life. I thought about why I was living. What was my purpose? And while sitting at a bench feeling sorry for myself, I watched a couple jogging by with a stroller and a little child sucking his thumb waved at me. The joy of a child who is so innocent waving at me while me, an adult, was feeling as if the world was at an end, made me realize what a waste I was doing to myself. I got up that day and I decided to make a difference right then and there.

          “It’s been four years since I opened up Heaven’s Eyes and since then we have helped over hundreds of young women who have suffered from depression and have given them a purpose in life. We have also contributed to charities that believe in the same purpose as us. Throughout the four years, it has not been easy. But together, with all of you here today, we have made it possible.

          “Today, I stand before you and I want to say thank you for all of your support and contributions. Tonight’s event is for you. We celebrate not only the success of Heaven’s Eyes, but also you, who have helped us reach our goals. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts and enjoy tonight’s event!”

          A rush of applause surrounded me as I watched the audience erupted in happiness. Then everyone stood up and I felt a rush of achievement. I saw my parents and Aunt Justine standing in front. Both my mother and aunt were dabbing at their eyes as my father smiled proudly. I waved and stepped off the stage as a crowd rushed to me with cameras. I smiled and posed with a few people and answered a few reporters’ questions before my mother came to escort me away to the privacy of the small room in the back. Once there, we hugged.

          “I’m so proud of you,” she said as she pulled away. “You were shining brilliantly up there.”

          “Thank you, mom. I couldn’t have done it without you and dad. You two were the backbone to this.”

          She smiled and touched my cheek. “I’m so proud of you. Don’t forget that. Now, enjoy a bit of privacy while you recollect yourself and then come back to the public.”

 I nodded and she walked out leaving me alone. I sat down on the couch and a smile formed on my lips. Four years ago when I came back from Paris, my heart was more broken than I thought. I was so depressed I considered taking my own life. I had given myself to a man who clearly could not make me better than I was. One day, while sitting on the bench, I saw the toddler who waved at me and saw how beautiful life was through his eyes. Why was I feeling so sorry for myself? When this life held all I could be and more? I made a promise to myself that day to get up and to be more than what I set out to be. Why was I letting a man rule over my heart when I didn’t need him? I was fine before him and without him I would continue to thrive. I had erased him out of my life and I grew into a strong woman.     

The knock on the door startled me and I got up to open it. As soon as I saw who it was behind the door, my heart slammed into my rib cage. Standing before me was Dawson, older but still as handsome. He was sporting a black tux and his eyes spoke volumes of the same passion I knew once long ago.

“Dawson,” I said with no emotion.

“You still remember my name. I guess my heart shouldn’t ache that much.”

I smiled. “How could I forget? Come on in.” I opened the door wider and he walked in. As I closed the door and turned to him, he placed his hands in his pockets and stared at me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I came on a whim because I was bored.”

“Really?” I asked raising my eyebrows.

“No, of course not. I came to find you. You’re pretty hard to find until you made yourself famous.”

 

I shrugged. “Well, being famous is a small price to pay with what my purpose in life is. How can I help you?”

 

He narrowed his eyes. “I can see that I’ve no effect on you…at least not anymore. I just wanted to congratulate you personally, Gwenna. I feel I owe that much to you. You’ve done very well for yourself. The work you’ve created is deeply appreciated among many. I’m very proud of you.”

 

My heart swelled from his words. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. I love hearing how much my work has impacted the lives of others. Please stay and enjoy the party.”

 

He knew that was my cue for him to leave. “I know you are not the same woman I met in Paris. You stand pretty strong on your feet today. I came to tell you that meeting you and knowing you changed me. You changed me for the better and I wanted to thank you. Without you in my life, I wouldn’t have seen the poison I was feeding myself. Thank you, Gwenna.”

 

I walked to him and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Dawson, you are welcome. I’m glad that our encounter with each other has changed both of us. I’ve come to realize that sometimes we meet people for a reason. You were needed in my life in order for me to create something as good as this. Thank you, honestly, for giving me that push.”

 

He held my hand in his and smiled. “I just wanted you to know that everything we’ve shared will not be forgotten and that you will always remain a good part in my life. Thanks to you, my heart is healed.”

 

I smiled, feeling warmth. “I’m so glad to hear that.”

“After you left me, I was a mess, don’t ignore that part. But the mess I was in made me see the wicked ways of my life. I had to put my life together, said good-bye to Heather finally and let go of my guilt.”

 

 Tears filled my eyes. “Please understand, Dawson, that I hold you in the highest honor. You were the first man I ever loved. But my heart was not stable to deal with all the ordeals that came with you. I was not healthy and after leaving you, it made me realize how broken I was with you. I had to cut you out. Today, I stand before you a changed woman in all ways. I respect you for the change you’ve made and hope that you will discover more of yourself in positive ways. If you should ever need anything, please remember I am but a phone call away.”

 

He nodded and reached out to hug me. We held each other for a long time and then he released me. He kissed my cheek once and then left. I watched him disappear down the hall and my heart wished him nothing but the best.