Piquant End

Life was content. I was finally in a place where I could wake up with a smile on my face and know that I belonged. I had a man who loved me above all else. I had a life growing inside me. I had the world at my fingertips. I didn’t think I could want anything else. I had more than I deserved. But life has a funny way of turning backward. Just when I thought everything was going great, news came knocking on our door. Andrew showed up late one evening wearing a blue navy suit that made me wonder how it was possible that Garrison’s mother could not love him. But the look on his face told me it wasn’t good news he brought.

     “I’m not sure where to begin this so I will just flat out say it,” Andrew said.

     Garrison reached for my hand and held it tight. “What is it?”

     “The British militia is in need of a general to overlook their Tokyo branch. You know you have the background. They selected you and you’re to report to duty first thing tomorrow morning. From there, you will be flown to Tokyo for debriefing.”

     My heart dropped. “Can’t someone else go?”

     Andrew looked at me with sad eyes. “If I could have persuaded them to find someone else, love, I wouldn’t be here. But the British militias are not people you want to become enemies with. Garrison is who they want.”

     “But why you?”

     “Because I speak Japanese,” Garrison whispered.

     I shut my eyes and the worse came to my mind. A widow with a baby. I stood up quickly and sighed deeply. “I’m not sure if that is something I’m happy with. I’m pregnant. You can’t leave me alone like this.”

     He stood up. “I don’t want to. But I’ve got no choice, darling. If I don’t go, they’ll come after me and they’ll take you to force me to go. And that is something I can’t allow to happen. At least this way, I know where you are.”

     Andrew stood up. “Garrison is right. They have powers greater than me. They will take you just to make Garrison relent. Please understand that I will never allow anything to happen to you or my grandchild. I’ll be here to protect you.”

     I felt the tears sting my eyes. “How long will he be gone?”

     Andrew sighed. “Four years at the least.”

     I gasped and reached out to hold onto the couch. “He won’t even see the birth of his first born child!”

     Garrison’s face darkened and he turned to his father. “Four years is too long.”

     “I’m sorry, son.”

     The night wasn’t young anymore. Life wasn’t kind anymore. The world had turned its back on me yet again. It was proof that if I became too happy, I was left with a feeling of being lost without being found. I couldn’t find the strength to avoid being tossed into a black mass of nothing. Why did this have to happen? Why, when everything was so perfect? The joys together were never enough and we were to be stripped apart. I didn’t know how I would survive with him being half a world away from me. What would I do to survive? Could I even live? I had loved again, too much, and when I was going to be forced to be alone, I knew I would perish. The thought made my heart ache in pain and my insides tremble with fear. It felt like they were going to take away my reason for existence. I had never felt such a dull ache like that before that it left me completely fragile to everything. Life without Garrison was like being deaf, mute, and blind in a world of colors, voices, and sounds.

     If he was to be away from me for four years, the child would be grown already. He would miss the first step, the first word, the first of everything. I began to cry. I had not prepared myself for this. And knowing I was going to face giving birth alone, it frightened me even more.

     Strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me close. I could hear his husky breathing, his hot breath on my ear, and felt his lips on my shoulder. We stayed wrapped like this for a long time without speaking. When I finally turned around to face him, I saw the pain and torture in his eyes. It was killing him.

     “What are we going to do?” I asked.

     He reached out a hand to touch my cheek. “We’ll fight this. We’ll make this work. I love you more than anything in this world. I will never give you up. I can’t. To do so would be like taking away the lifeline to me. But if I don’t do this, I will put you in danger and that I can’t do. No matter what happens, I have made a vow to protect you and my child against all dangers. That means if I am to face it alone, I will, just to make sure you’re safe.”

     “But that leaves me without you.”

     “You’re never without me, love. I’m here, on your finger, in your heart, in your memory. No one can take those from you.”  

     Tears filled my eyes and I swallowed down the ache that was beginning to burn my throat. “Garrison, I don’t know how to do this alone. I’m afraid.”

     “I am too. But I’ll never let you go. I’ll be back. This may not turn out the way we wanted, but my love for you remains for an eternity. There’s nothing that can take that away from you.”

     The fog came like a thick sheet of blanket to cover the earth. I woke alone. Garrison was gone. He was gone from my arms and he was heading toward another world away. My hand fell to the swell of my stomach and tears fell from my eyes. From now on, I was going to be alone. He was going to be sent away to a land where blood and hate was all they knew. My heart was torn just thinking of him.

     The door opened and Mrs. Potter walked in with a tray of tea and some bread. She placed it on the table beside the bed and came to touch my arm. “Milady, you should eat something.”

     I nodded; afraid I would end up crying if I tried to speak. I walked to the tray and picked up a piece of bread. As I brought it to my lips I felt something flutter inside me. I dropped the bread and Mrs. Potter ran to my side. 

     “Milady? Are you hurt?”

     I shook my head. “No, I thought…I think…something just moved inside me.”

     She smiled and came to place her hand on my belly. “It’s the babe. He’s moving.”

     “He?”

     She laughed. “Can you see my hopes? I think a little boy.”

     I smiled, suddenly feeling the cloud lift. “Oh, a boy. Goodness, he’s strong. I can feel his kicks.”

     And that was how it began from that day on. I woke each day alone, but the flutters from inside of me helped me face the day. I wasn’t alone in a sense. I had the little life inside of me growing. I had love. Garrison was right. He was there in all forms, from the sunlight coming down, from the soft love songs on the radio, to the whisper of the wind. He was always there.

     A month later, I received a letter from Garrison. He had written it the moment he landed, but with the distance, it had taken a month for it to be delivered. With shaking hands, I took it out to read, almost afraid of the worse.

     Peyton, my love, everything here is so different. It’s so cold and dark. I miss the sun. I miss you. Nothing here is a reminder of what I have at home. Each day, I wake to terrible surroundings and I shudder to think of how life would be if this was the only thing I knew. But the warmth of you and my unborn child reminds me how beautiful life can be. It’s a constant reminder that burns in my mind, telling me to hold on. Peyton, the world may separate us, but I’m there with you always. You’re all I think about. I wait for the day when I can be in your arms again.

     That was the first letter. I placed it in a box and hoped to collect all letters from him. He didn’t have any return address so I couldn’t write back. I thought to myself that if I received letters, it meant he was well. It was all I cared about.

     My belly grew each day and it began to become difficult for me to walk. I could feel stronger kicks daily and there were times where it hurt. I spoke to him daily. I wasn’t sure when I decided that the unborn child was going to be a boy. It sort of began to dawn on me after Mrs. Potter mentioned her high spirits. I called my mother weekly and gave her updates on how I was feeling. She promised to be here when it was near my time to deliver. It made life easier knowing I could have her here. Andrew visited daily and we had a routine. Some days he came with a cake and we ate it with tea on the terrace. Other days we went for a walk around the garden. He always visited no matter and I looked forward to his visits. They were the only times I had good company. But when night fell, it was when I was most lonely. I missed his arms. I missed his kisses. I missed his presence. But the beginning of a horror life was about to unfold.

     I woke to a painful throbbing in my lower belly. The sharpness caused me to sit up and catch my breath. I turned on the lights and felt it again. This time, it made me grit my teeth. I threw the covers off and found red liquid between my legs. I let out a tearful cry. It was too early. The cry woke Mrs. Potters and she came rushing in.

     “Let’s get you to the hospital. I’ve called Master Remington. He’s on his way here,” she said as she helped me up.

     Another pain shot through me and I crumbled to the ground gasping. Mrs. Potters took my arm and helped me up. My legs were refusing to walk. My vision began to blur and I felt another pain pass through me. This time, it felt like it almost ripped me apart. I let out a scream and felt my heart pound against me.

     “Milady, please, let’s move you downstairs,” she said.

     “I can’t move. You’ll need to get help.”

     She looked at me with fearful eyes and then she nodded. “You wait here. I’ll go call for help. Don’t try to get up. You might fall.”

     When she disappeared, I laid against the wall and took in a deep breath. I felt the pain again and this time, tears filled my eyes. I tried to breathe, but nothing seemed to help. It continued to grow and my breath was beginning to weaken. Where was Mrs. Potters? I crawled toward the open door slowly as the pain continued to throb inside me. Each time it shot through my body, I felt my vision fade in and out. I reached the open doorway and saw Mrs. Potters running up the stairs. I smiled at her figure and the vision faded.

     Darkness swam around me with a stench that made me gag. I wasn’t familiar with the place I was in. It was frightening and at the same time welcoming. I didn’t know a soul. They were all wearing white, but I was the only one dressed in black. I seemed invisible to them as they passed me. I opened my mouth to speak, only to find my voice was gone. When I reached out to touch one of the passersby, my hand went right through them. Confused, I brought my hand to look at. That was when I saw the bright light shining in front of me and I heard someone calling my name. I began stepping toward the light.

     “She’s regained consciousness,” a voice said.

     The room blurred and I gasped as I took in the people before me. A man dressed in blue scrubs and two women in white scrubs were before me. My chest hurt and I was dizzy.

     “Lady Remington, can you hear me?” the man asked.

     Lady Remington? I ignored the name and tried to focus on the faces until they were not spinning. Every part of my body ached.

     “Where am I?” I asked.

     “You’re in the hospital.”

     “Hospital?”

     “Yes, you’re in the hospital. You fell down a flight of stairs. You’ve been in a coma for four days. How do you feel?” the man asked.

     I blinked. A coma? Four days? Why was this not ringing any bells? I felt fear pound in me. What was going on? Who was Lady Remington?

     “I’m going to raise your bed,” one of the woman said.

     A buzzing noise was heard and the bed began to rise. There was a window to the left and an IV line attached to my arm. I could see a small coffee pot in the corner and a chair. The wallpaper was yellow with white flowers. But everything seemed oddly strange to me.

     “Do you know your name?”

     I swallowed. I dug deep into my mind and came up empty. All I saw was a black screen with loud buzzing. Nothing came up to mind. I stared at the faces looking at me and didn’t know what to say.

     “Do you know your name?” the man repeated.

     Quietly, I replied, “No.”

     His face straightened and he touched my arm. “Don’t you worry. It will come back to you. You’ve just regained conscious. Everything will be fine.”

     Fine? I watched as they walked out and I looked around the room wondering what had happened. Why couldn’t I remember anything? What was my name? Why did this seem so familiar yet I couldn’t recognize it at the same time? Fear jolted in me and I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. I stared at my hands and noticed a ring on my left hand. A ring? Why was I wearing a ring? I finally noticed the identification bracelet on my wrist the hospital put on me. I turned it around and it read, “Peyton Remington.” I repeated the name out loud as if trying on an outfit. It didn’t seem to fit me.

     The door opened and an older woman and older man walked in. They had very concerned expressions on their faces, but I couldn’t figure out why. Were they hospital staff members? The woman came up to me and threw her arms around me. I froze as she started to cry. The man stayed behind and stared at me. His eyes were so dark that it almost burned into mine. Why were those eyes so familiar? And why was the woman hugging me? Why did her embrace feel like home? She pulled away and cupped my face.

     “I was so worried,” she said with a tearful plea. “It’s great to see your eyes again.”

     I stared at her with frustration at not knowing who she was. “Who are you?”

     Her smile faded and she turned to glance at the man in the room. He sighed deeply and came forward to us. He took my hand and rubbed his fingers over my knuckles. “Peyton, you’ve been in an accident. You were in a coma for a few days. Can you remember anything?”

     I shook my head slowly. “No.”

     The woman touched my face. “Peyton, what do you remember?”

     “Nothing.”

     She started to cry. “Peyton.”

     I gulped. “What happened?”

     “You were in labor. You fell down a flight of stairs and hit your head against the glass table. You took Mrs. Potters down with you. She’s fine, a few cuts and bruises. But you took the brunt of it,” the man explained.

     “I was in labor?” I asked.

     “Your son is doing well,” the woman said.

     I shifted my gaze to her. “What?”

     “You delivered a healthy baby boy via C-section. He’s in the nursery. He’s gorgeous.”

     “I don’t understand.”

     The man took my hand. “This is all confusing for you. Why don’t you rest? Garrison has been notified and he’s on the way home. The military has released his duty on account of your accident.”

     “Who is Garrison?”

     “Your husband.”

     All I saw was darkness even when awake. It was quiet. I was suffering in a world where I had no idea who I was. They were calling me Peyton. I didn’t even like the name. They told me I was a mother to a boy. Did I even like kids? And my husband Garrison? Who was he? Did I love him? I was lost and everywhere I turned, there was no way out. The darkness continued to consume me. It hurt to be awake. It hurt to be asleep. Everything hurt to the point of exhaustion. I just wanted relief.

     A little after ten, the older woman who told me she was my mother, came in. In her arms, she held a newborn baby. She was smiling and cooing at the child. I was nervous. She pulled up a chair and sat down. Then she turned the child to look at me. He was the most adorable thing I’d ever seen; a button nose, chubby cheeks, and dark hair.

     “You still need to name him,” she said.

     “I do?”

     “Yes. He’s got no name. I’ve just been calling him baby bear.”

     I laughed. “It’s kind of cute.”

     “I’m sure the next duke of England wouldn’t want to be named baby bear.”

     “Duke of England?”

     She looked up at me. “The doctor said your memories may return once you get rested. It’s normal for this to happen. Do you remember anything at all?”

     I frowned. “No. Some images are dark. Others are sort of out of focus. I just remember…a pair of hands.” That’s right. In my dreams, I see a pair of hands always around me as if protecting me. I could feel it even now.

     My mother smiled. “I think I know whose hands they are. I’m sure once he arrives and you actually feel him, you’ll recover.”

     I swallowed hard. “And if I don’t?”

     “You have all of us to fill you in.”

     “No, I mean, what if I don’t remember who I’m supposed to love?”

     “Honey, the heart never forgets. The mind may be muddled, but the emotion the heart felt will live on. You don’t need to be frightened. When Garrison arrives, one look at him and you’ll be right back to the same old self.”

     I stared at the baby. “Can I hold him?”

     “Of course.”

     The moment the baby was in my arms, tears welled up in my eyes. I didn’t know why. I couldn’t remember carrying this creature inside me. But the way how he felt in my arms made my heart swell up with love. My mother was right. The heart would lead me home. I looked up at her and smiled as tears slipped down my cheeks.

     “I love him.”

     She smiled and touched my cheek. “Of course you do. Any mother will love her child.”

     I slept fierce that night. I dreamt of those hands again. They were around me, holding me, protecting me. I couldn’t see the face and I didn’t recognize anything in the dream. But the hands made me feel safe. When I woke up, I saw the same pair of hands holding mine. I glanced up to find piercing dark eyes gazing into mine. The look on his face was nothing but concern. But nothing else made sense. He reached for me and I pulled back. I saw something glimmer in his eyes. I finally read that it was hurt.

     “I’m sorry,” I said. “I…did the doctor explain to you?”

     He nodded. “He did, but I know that somewhere deep down, you will remember.”

     I looked at his hands and held them. “I remember these hands. They’re all I dream of. They’re always around me.”

     He smiled. “Because I love you.”

     I looked up at him. “I don’t know you.”

     The smile faded. “Yes, you do. You just need some rest. The memories will return and you will find that the love you have for me is there.”

     I felt tears prickle my eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to do this. I’m at a complete lost.”

     He reached for me again and this time I let him. He pulled me closer to him and held me. Strangely, I found comfort in his arms. The sound of his heart beating made me feel peace for the first time. Slowly, I reached up and placed my hands on his chest and pulled away. I looked up into his eyes and saw pain lingering in them.

     “I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he whispered. “From now on, I will never leave you again. It’s done and finished with. I’m home now.”

      I swallowed hard as a tear slipped down. He caught it. I took his hands and stared at them. Then I looked up at him. I tried to feel something, anything, for this man who looked like he was in more pain than I was. But nothing triggered and I was at a lost. I shut my eyes and turned away from him.

     “I can’t do this. I can’t remember anything. How am I supposed to continue with this life you love so much?” I asked.

     He turned me around. “Look, we’ll start slow. In time, your memories will return.”

     “And if they don’t? Will you be willing to live with someone who doesn’t remember you forever?”

     He touched my cheek. “Yes, because I love you more than anything. I won’t give up. I’ll be here.”

     The world as I knew it was over. This new world involved doctors telling me that I may never regain my memory. There was a black hole each time I tried to open up my mind to think. Nothing came out except pain and a blinding light that left me dizzy. There were bottles of medicine for me to take and by the time the day was over, I felt exhausted and drained. The only thing that kept me going was the love of my son and the man who had promised to never leave me. True to form, he never left my side. He was there when I woke to when I closed my eyes. But my heart still found no feeling of love toward him. It was like an empty book of blank pages. No story was able to be passed on because the writing was erased. I ached for the truth. I wanted things back to the way they were, but yesterday was gone.

     A month later, I was released to go home. A home I had no idea what looked like. I tried to pretend to be happy when I arrived. The mansion was bigger than I expected, but the joy was only on the outside. Inside, I was crying to be freed. I met someone named Mrs. Potters who cried and hugged me. But I just wanted to be alone. Dinner was served and I picked at it. Finally, I excused myself to the bedroom and sat on the bed staring at the wall until Garrison walked in.

     “You didn’t eat much. Are you feeling well?” he asked.

     “Please just leave me alone. I need to be by myself.”

     He sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m trying to understand here, Peyton. But you can’t keep pushing me away.”

     I stood up, angry. “Who is the victim here? I wake up and I’ve lost all memories! I have no idea who I am, let alone should I try to remember you. I know you love me and perhaps I did love you at some point, but the me today, can’t remember!”

     Garrison walked to me with a dark stare. “Don’t do this, Peyton. Don’t act as if you’re the only one hurting. Have you forgotten about our son? The innocent child you and I made? He’s looking for his mother’s warmth and you can’t give it. I’m not mad at you. I’m just trying to help.”

     I started to cry. “Stop trying to help. I see the disappointment in your eyes when you try to do something and I can’t remember. I hate myself for not remembering. But it’s killing me. I just…want to be alone.”

     The sobs poured out of me and he came to me, holding me tight as I continued to cry. He picked me up and walked to sit on the bed with me in his lap. He caressed my back and kissed the top of my head. All gestures that I must have loved once.

     “I nearly died when I heard the news. All I wanted was to be able to be here. When I saw you lying there, helpless, I wanted to break apart the world. The thought of being without you is like the world without light. What would happen to me? How would I face the world without light? Without the one thing that truly mattered to me?” he asked.

     I wiped my eyes. “Did I love you passionately?”

     He laughed. “Did you love me? We are inseparable.”

     “I hope that I can remember because it must have been nice to have loved you.”

      Smiling, he leaned in to kiss me. But I turned away. He took a hold of my chin and gazed into my eyes. I saw hope stirring in his dark eyes as I stared into him. He let out a shaky breath.

     “I love you, Peyton. I’ve missed you. Please, let me kiss you. I’ve longed for the touch of your lips. Please don’t deny me. It’s all I’ve yearned for since the plane landed. I’ve never begged for anything in my life before and here I am, begging to be close to you. Just let me do this one thing,” he whispered.

     I shivered at his words even though they meant nothing. I swallowed hard and saw the hurt in his eyes. I moved closer and he saw the invitation had been accepted. Leaning in, his lips closed over mine. When I felt the flicker of his tongue, a blinding pain shot through my head and I pulled back screaming. My hand went straight to my head as he came to me and pulled me up. A coral swimsuit flashed in my mind. I shuddered and panic set in. Without thinking, I reached for him and kissed him again. This time he responded with a deeper hunger. The pain shot through me again and I moaned as little slides of life filtered into my brain. His kisses, his kisses were bringing back my memories. I pulled back and gasped for breath.

     “Did I hurt you?” he asked as he pulled me in for an embrace.

     My fingers ran up his arms, feeling the muscles beneath my fingers. I saw the hot blazing passion glowing in his eyes. What just happened? With trembling fingers, I reached for his face and touched his cheeks. He leaned into my touch and kissed my fingers.

     “I’ve missed your touch. I didn’t know you could miss someone as much as I’ve missed you. If yearning could kill, I’d be dead. Each day when I woke, all I wanted was you. When the sun fell and I knew I had to sleep alone, it sent my whole body into a frenzy haze of pain,” he whispered.

     “Garrison,” I said gently.

     He perked up. “Peyton?”

     “What just happened?”

     He blinked. “What do you mean?”

     I opened my mouth and let out a soft breath. “When you kissed me just now, I saw…I saw something.”

     “What did you see, baby?”

     I swallowed. “I thought I saw a coral swimsuit.”

     His lips broke into a smile. “A coral swimsuit? I’d kill to have that on you again.”

     Frowning, I replied, “Why?”

     “It’s what you were wearing when we met. Do you mean to tell me you’re seeing memories when I kiss you?”

     I nodded.

     He laughed and threw his arms around me. “I can help with that. Do you trust me?”

     I pulled away and nodded. He reached for me slowly and his lips touched mine. It felt like a knife slicing through my brain at first. I flinched and tried to pull back, but he held me in place. The pain shot through me and I felt tears burn until I felt his hands on my cheeks. The pain began to numb and when I relaxed, a white light filled my mind. My heart began to flutter with an emotion that made my chest expand. I saw it. I saw hands entwined together; lips brushing against my cheek; a tender voice speaking about love. I gasped as I saw bodies joined together at the hip and breaths escaping in the night. Shuddering, the memories continued to explode inside me; a man, not Garrison, but a man who was with a pregnant woman; my mother holding me as I cried; an accident that left me in the hospital. Tears stained my cheeks as I recounted the vows Garrison spoke and then suddenly I saw a hand reaching out to me. I took it and like a person merging from underwater, I breathed for the first time as my mind filled with the memories I thought I had lost.

     I didn’t know how to make of it. One moment the doctors told me my mind was gone. The next, it was like nothing had happened. I remembered now. I remembered that night. Trying to go after Mrs. Potters, I tripped on the stairs when an alarming labor pain merged from within. I lost balance and fell down the flight of stairs slamming my head into the corner glass table. The one evening that left me in a bind where I was neither alive nor dead. It haunted me still. It made me wonder what I would have done if I hadn’t been able to find my memories.

     Garrison. The one reason everything made sense was because of Garrison. He was the angel he had promised to be and more. He never left my side. I found out that he hadn’t slept a wink since returning home. For the few days after I recovered my memories, he and our son slept like no tomorrow. Our son, it was still unbelievable to say that word. I was a mother. I couldn’t stop kissing my son. He was the next best thing in life. At one point, I thought I had lost everything. But I was beginning to realize it was the start of everything starting over. With the birth of our son, Miles, we agreed to name him, life was beginning to be perfect.

     That evening when I was in the bathroom running the water to shower, Garrison came in and shut the door. I turned around to watch as he dangled from his fingertips the coral swimsuit that my mother had given me. I laughed as he wiggled his eyebrows.

     “You want me to wear that?” I asked.

     “Would you? I love it so much. It’s the only thing I begged from your mother.”

     Shocked, I asked, “You begged my mother for this?”

     “You didn’t think she just wanted to give it to you, did you?”

     I laughed. “I thought she did. I mean, she said so with such conviction, I believed her.”

     “No, she couldn’t bear to tell you the truth that her corny son-in-law wanted to have it handy for those times when he felt he needed to replay the moment he met the woman of his dreams.”

     I reached for the suit. “Really?”

     “Yes, really. Now shall we play?”