Distant Hope 5

The evening air was cooler as Jedidiah pushed Bea toward her house. After the birthday party, his mother and Bea had gotten into a long discussion about their good old days. Lizzie was now sleeping and his mother asked him to walk Bea home. He wasn’t happy about it because for one, he’d have to see Anna and he felt what had occurred this afternoon was odd enough as it was. He wasn’t sure how he’d react if she was sitting on the front porch when he arrived.

            “You’re awfully quiet,” Bea said.

            Jedidiah’s hand tightened on the wheelchair handlebars. “I am?”

            Bea sighed. “I know why she ran. She’s been hiding since she arrived. She’s scared, Jedidiah. You have to give her some time.”

            “I’m not sure I understand.”

            “Do you know what kind of life she led before she came here?”

            Shaking his head, he answered, “No.”

            “I won’t talk much because it’s not my place. But she wasn’t able to find happiness for a long time. She’d been locked up in hurt and misery. I’m sure it will take her some time before the hurt melts.”

            “I understand that, Bea. I’ve been through a downfall myself.”

            “Anna is a tough girl. It took a lot of guts for her to come back here where she grew up, to face old friends. Jake wasn’t the nicest man on earth, but he didn’t break her even if that was the plan he had in mind. She’s still fighting somewhere inside.”

            Jedidiah didn’t answer and as they rounded the corner, Bea’s house came into sight. Sure enough Anna was sitting on the front steps looking up at the sky. She was wearing a white cotton nightgown that made her look like herself again. His heart lurched and he tightened his hands. He’d stopped breathing because his chest was pulsating in painful gasps.

            “Don’t let her push you away,” Bea whispered.

            Anna heard them coming and turned her head toward them. As she stood up, Jedidiah picked Bea up and walked up the stairs without looking at Anna. Bea opened the door for him as he walked in and set her down on the couch. He reached over for the blanket and she grabbed his wrist.

            “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Go,” she said.

            Jedidiah nodded and walked outside to find Anna folding up the wheelchair. He closed the door and walked down the steps to help her bring it up to the porch. Finally, they were together again and no words came to mind. In the moonlight, with the sparkles of the stars hitting her face, she looked innocent and fragile. She was downright beautiful and he saw the small hairs on her arms rising and he knew it wasn’t from the cold. Not a breeze was in sight and as he closed the distance between them; she looked up at him with her lips partly opened. He took it as an invitation to kiss her and grabbed her waist with one arm, locking her tightly against him before he lost the courage. When he brought his lips down against hers, he heard a soft protest, but he silenced it with his lips. At first she froze in his arms and he almost pulled away, but then she softened and relaxed. Very slowly, her hands traced his arms and found them at the base of his neck. When she opened her lips and he felt the dart of her wet tongue, his heart raced and he pulled her closer until there wasn’t a breath of space between them. He inhaled her scent, felt her body through the cotton dress, and nibbled her skin. It was driving him wild and all his brain cells died as the pleasure of kissing her overpowered him.

            “I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I saw you back in town,” he whispered.

            Then suddenly, out of nowhere, she stilled and he knew the moment was gone. She pulled back and pushed him away from her, turning her back to him. He saw her shoulder shuddering and knew she was crying. When she slowly turned back around, her lips were raw and swollen from his lovemaking.

            “I can’t do this,” she said slowly.

            “It’s not against the law to feel, Anna.”

            She sobbed. “It’s what got me into trouble in the first place. I felt things I shouldn’t have felt. It’s what got me trailing after Jake.”

            “I’m not Jake.”

            “But each time I am near you, I think of him.”

            That hurt more than he expected. He took a step back and ran a hand through his hair. “Wow…I didn’t expect that.”

            “You misunderstood me.”

            He raised his hands. “No, I get it. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I should have known that in your heart, in your eyes, I will never be good enough for you because I am not Jake. I’m just Jedidiah, your best friend from school. I’m just the guy who wipes your tears when some loser breaks your heart. I’m just the guy who stands on the sidelines as another man wins by making you take his last name. I’m just the guy…who will always be invisible.”

            Anna walked to him shaking her head. “No, you’re more than that. It’s because I’m afraid of losing you that I can’t do this with you.”

            “Let me give you a hint, Anna. I’d risk everything and make love to you than stand here and let another man break your heart.”

            She didn’t answer and he began walking toward her. She stepped back until she was cornered. He raised both hands and placed them on either side of her, blocking her in. Leaning in, he stared at her and realized how precious she looked when she was scared. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to be the one to erase the fear.

            “Anna, every part of me aches because I can’t touch you. I see you yet I have to stand far away and admire you. I bleed each time I hear that someone has hurt you and I wish I was there when Jake broke your heart. I’d have beaten him to a pulp just for making you cry a teardrop. Do you know when you left me here and followed Jake I made a promise to myself.”

            Breathing hard, she asked, “What promise is that?”

            He moved in closer. “If I ever saw you again, I’d make love you to until the sun rose.”

            She let out a soft cry, whether it was pleasure or pain, he couldn’t tell. “Keep wishing because that promise isn’t going to happen.”

            He moved his arms to hold her in place. “I never break a promise. And tonight it’s just you and me.”

            “You’d take me against my will?”

            Jedidiah smiled and touched her cheek. “I won’t have to because you’re going to give in to me.”

            “How can you be so sure?”

            “Because right now you can’t even breathe for fear that I will leave you alone. You want me just as much. Admit it.”

            Anna turned away from his gaze. “No, I don’t.”

            “Then look at me.”

            She refused. He smiled. “There’s my answer.”

            Jedidiah reached for her neck and pulled her into his arms. When his lips touched hers, fire burned and the pleasure that he had been seeking was found. She felt so good in his arms and he explored every inch of her skin with his hands and lips. His hands found themselves at the hem of her dress, lifting and touching soft skin, trailing it toward her hips. When his hands laid on the cotton panties she wore, he heard a moan escape from her lips. He looked up at her and saw the hazy glow in her eyes, telling him she was turned on. Then he stepped back from her and she opened her mouth in shock.

            “Wait…what are you doing?” she asked.

            He smiled. “I’m leaving you.”

            “Now?”

            He walked down the steps. “I won’t be making love to you tonight, Anna.”

            “Why?” she asked her cheeks bright red.

            “Because I’m going to make you ask me. Until I hear you say the words that you want me, you’ll have to remember this moment and all the pleasures I could bring to you.”