Where Do We Go From Here?

I wished my children good night and descended down the stairs to spend the evening doing inventory and invoices in my small jewelry business. Everything was normal. I was living a daily sheltered life with the joy of finally being able to provide for my family again. Although the Covid 19 was still going around me, I took caution and kept myself positive. 

Then the death of George Floyd filled my newsfeed and I was heartbroken for the community. It took a toll on all of us. Images of protestors filled my newsfeed and I understood why it was happening. Years of being hurt by being different because of the color of my skin, of where I came from, of what I looked like, I understood that. I knew the pain. I lived in before and as far as I can remember, I wasn't ever accepted because of how I looked. 

And then...images of burning buildings, small businesses being robbed and destroyed flooded my newsfeed and my heart broke. I can understand the pain behind wanting to protest with no violence and to say what needs to be heard and leave without hurting innocent people. I am hurting as I see photographer's photos of what was the aftermath on Lake Street fill up the daily Facebook feed. My head swarm with worry about my family members who lived in the vicinity of that area. 

I am saddened that it has come to this and it hurts even more that everything is now out of hands. When you begin with "hit it where it hurts," to "destroy everything and everyone in the path," it no longer serves the same purpose you began with. I am afraid for the safety of my family and I am afraid for the safety of my friends and families who live in the surrounding cities. I have become a prisoner in a place where I used to call home. The fear lives deep and crawls inside of me laying eggs of multiple species that grow. It doesn't stop mutating and I am afraid of what the next hour, the next day will bring. 

Where do we go from here? How can we begin healing and fixing when we refuse to work with one another? Questions asked are left unanswered and everyone who holds the cards are either zipping up or playing deaf. I get it. I get the point now. I understand the reason for this. But the blood of innocent people can't pay for a crime they didn't commit. Revenge leaves only anger to feed on and your purpose becomes a distant memory. 

I teach my children daily this message: "The world is an ugly place. Our home is safe because we love you and teach you what you need to grow and thrive. But outside of our home is a place that doesn't always welcome you. You may find that it doesn't accept you and may leave you lingering what you did wrong. Remember that at the end of the day, to do onto others as you'd have done to you."