The Perfect Partner

          Marriage…it ties a man and a woman together til death do us part. You find a dress, buy a ring, and say sacred vows in front of hundreds of people, promising to love each other until the end of time. But time hasn’t ended and your union already has.

          I’ve met a lot of people through the years where I knew them when they were married as a couple and then I still know them as they become single parents. Whether it was through a mutual agreement to separate or one of them stepping out to have an affair…it hurts the same. The eyes never lie and the eyes can’t hold back the truth. It hurts.

          I will admit this much…my husband and I were the cream of the crop when we were dating. Everyone who knew us said we were the “it” couple. We showered each other with love and we couldn’t get enough of each other. Then we got married and everything was still the same.

          Then we had children. Things changed. I was exhausted. He was overworked. We didn’t have enough time together. Pretty soon, we became mom and dad. Our relationship had gone from red hot to warm and although it wasn’t bad, it had left us feeling distant. We were long distant lovers while dating and then suddenly, 22 years into our relationship, we found us married at long distance. He was in Kansans and I was in Minnesota. Our love life picked itself back up in a second. We began texting and sending love letters to each other daily. The idea of not having the other around killed us literally.

          When he returned after a two month absence from home, we took a weekend away just for us. We made a promise to each other. Once a month, we’d book a hotel away from the children, away from home, where it was just us, alone. Even if it was within just city limits, we’d go away and work on us.

          Women have this crazy idea that men should just know what they want. Fact is, they don’t and we have to say what we need out loud. I was one who thought this often. Until I learned that my husband cannot read my mind and doesn’t know what I am thinking. He has to be told that I need hugs, I need romance and I need mystery. I wasn’t ashamed to tell him and he wasn’t afraid to admit he didn’t think of it. Together, we met in the middle and life is beautiful as it was with just a little more sugar.

          Marriage can either be sweet or sour. It is up to you to really work on how you want it. Most of us have this idea that marriage will never go sour because you were so in love once and it will never fade. Trust me, I’ve seen these couples part within a year into their marriage. You really have to work on what you want. Sometimes we get so lost in our lives that we forget we have another being who desires to be touched, to be loved, to be nurtured.

          When we were apart, I missed being touched by him the most. He gives the gentlest touch and when I feel it, I am reminded of how needed and loved I am. Marriage requires touching in order to keep the promise of loving one another alive. The desire to be touched, to be hugged, to be kissed…it’s a yearning that burns deep. We all crave it because it reminds us that we are in a safe place. It reminds us that no matter how hard life is, we have someone who will remain our sanity. Remember that we have to be the perfect partner first to create a lasting union. What you want out from your partner, you must first be willing to give without holding back. Only then can your union truly flourish and blossom.