Get Into Houa's Mind

Niam, Twb tau ob lub hli uas koj ncaim kuv mus rau ib qhov chaw uas kuv mus tsis txog. Koj puas paub tias koj tus ntxhais ntsuag nos no quaj thiab nco koj npaum twg? Hnub dhau hnub, kuv lam nrog tej phooj ywg laug xwb, tab si, nyob hauv kuv lub siab, muaj ib tug kab mob loj tshaj plaws. Tus kab mob no ua rau kuv quaj yam tsis paub tsum, nyiav yam tsis txawj tag, thiab nco yam li kuv tsis tau paub nco dua. Yog kuv ua tau, ntshe kuv yuav tuaj cuag kom tau koj ib zaug, hnov koj lub suab luag kom kuv siab kaj. Luag ib txwv tias leej niam lub xub  ntiag yog me nyuam qhov chaw ntshaw. Kuv tseem ntshaw koj xub ntiag los kuv yuav tau ua ib siab uv lawm xwb. Kuv txawv ntshaw koj txhais tes plhws kuv taub haus los kuv yuav tau ua ib siab quaj twj ywm. Sim neej no, yuav ua cas nco koj mus txog hnub twg?

It's been two months since my life turned upside down; two months since I have been left feeling broken. In a way, I still am, trying to find where I left myself. Around my friends and families, I'm always smiling, joking, and working. But when I'm alone, the truth sinks in and it leaves a rancid taste in my mouth. I'm left feeling alone. I hate it because there's nothing no one can do about it. As much as I try, I'm still feeling an utter lost and bitterness about everything. Among the whispers that I hear when the night falls, I keep hearing the last sound of my mother's heartbeat. I can hear it, thumping, inside of me, hammering against my rib cage, like an endless pounding. I feel it in my soul where it haunts me just like her single last tear drop. And I'm always stuck roaming, roaming to find peace in this ugly world. I have seen the ugliness and I hate it. I loathe how it makes me feel and there are times where I don't know what to do. ...

It's been a tough few months for me. I haven't been the same since my mom died and I've really taken a step back to evaluate my life. I find I'm not doing all I can to push myself. I am lacking in certain areas and with the absence of my mom, I'm finding that things are really spiraling into darkness, if I don't hold on. I keep thinking back to the moment she looked at me, right before she died, when one single tear dropped from her eye, and I wonder to myself what went through her mind. Although I dream of her and she's happy and free, that last moment still replays itself in my mind. It haunts me. I'm beginning a new project now and have decided to make everything new, starting over, with new views, with no beginnings, and no regrets. Regretting is what my mother wished she didn't want have but ended up owning. So I'm going to do as she set out to do and live without regrets. To be honest, all the letters from my friends and families ha...