Get Into Houa's Mind

  I woke up Sunday morning recovering from a night of restless contractions. I'm thinking to myself...is today the day? I'm 39 weeks and as much as I love the pregnant belly, the glow and the kicks from inside, I'm ready to hold him. Throughout the day, I'm feeling contractions every other hour and just feeling a little restless. My last appointment, my midwife checked me and I was dilated to 2 at 80% effaced. We talked about options available to me. She'd asked me if I was ok with being induced if labor hadn't kicked in by the following week. She'd mentioned how she only offered this to patients who had a very favorable cervix. I could also wait and see if anything happened on its own. I told her I didn't mind being induced or waiting to see what would happen. Both options were good in my opinion.  Throughout the day, I cleaned (nesting stage) did some jewelry work and then around 1pm I had my zoom meeting with my team. When I finished the meeting, I ca...

  All my life, I've always felt oddly out of place, like I don't quite belong. I was a loner in school. I didn't have many friends and most people didn't like me. I was afraid of being judged so I kept to myself. I walked down the hallways alone and seldom had people to hang out with. The people who did know me and hung out with me were my cousins.  I remember someone asking me once, "How many friends do you have?" I began counting my cousins, nieces and sisters. They stopped me halfway and said, "No, no, no. Those are family. I'm asking about friends." I realized I had none.  And then I met someone, someone amazing, someone who understood me without me having to say anything. Someone who could just read my mind and know instantly what it is like to be me. Someone who loved me for all I am and accepted all that I was.  My husband.  He became my best friend. He heard all my stories, wiped my tears and nurtured my soul back to life. He took all tha...

  Lub ntiaj teb no loj thiab dav heev uas rau kuv txoj kev ntshai loj tshaj qhov kuv lees tau. Txhua hnub thaum lub hnub tawm tuaj, kuv sawv los xav tias hnub no rov yuav pib dua tshiab. Es kuv yuav ua qhov twg kom txawv nag hmo lub neej thiaj li yuav sawv? Tab si, yam kuv paub tias kuv yuav ua tsis tau ces yog kuv yuav nrhiav kuv niam hneev taw npaum twg los ntshe tus dej hiav txwv twb muab tshoob mus ua av tag. Es kuv yuav mus nrhiav kuv niam tus hneev taw qhov twg?  Sij hawm khiav ceev heev, zoo yam ib tug tub sab los nyiag caij nyiag nyoog mus ua nws tug es tseg qhov tsaus ntuj rau koj. Kev quaj ntsuag ces tsis muaj leej twg khiav dhau li es sij hawm yog tus thiaj qhia tau tias ntiaj teb twb tig lawm mus pes tsawg zaus. Ua ib sim neej nyob, yus niam tus ntxhiab nim ploj kiag mus lawm yam tej hneev taw ua dej muab tshoob mus, tsis tseg ib yam dab tsi rau yus nco.  Thaum leej niam yug tau yus los ntshav liab vog es leej niam nim muab txhais npab los puag rub yus rau hau...

  Morning is a time where your body is beginning to wake, to jolt with energy as the sun comes through the blinds, allowing the rays of the sun to kiss your body. For some, morning is a time to reflect, to open up their hearts and minds, to allow peace to penetrate their bodies. The smell of infant fragrance lying beside them to remind them of innocence. The warm blankets of a night spent together wrapped together like vine. Morning is a time where your mind is beginning to form thoughts of what to do for the day and how to accomplish it.  I love mornings.  But what I love most are morning prayers. Have you ever said a morning prayer? Perhaps you might recognize it if I were to flip the vocabulary and say meditation? Those are the best things to do to begin your days right. To be healthy in mind, body and soul as you piece together your mind with your beating heart to begin anew.  I love mornings. But what I love most are morning reflections of yesterday's lesson. Ha...

  Do you see ghosts? That's one of the first of many questions I am asked when people seek answers to shamans. One of the many horrors people think we carry on our backs is the ability to see ghosts.  I will tell you...NOT ALL DO.  Everyone's ability is different. Some do see physical forms, others see blurry shadows, others are completely blind to it. Some hear voices while others hear nothing. Some communicate freely and openly while others can't.  What has led to this belief? Perhaps the growing up in a household where it is used to put children to bed. Like the old tale of "monsters in the closet," and the story gets twisted and changed over time. By the time it gets back to its original owner, the true writer no longer recognizes the truth. It's been edited so much that it is now just another story added to the dust.  Our gifts are special and unique. Everyone is not the same and if you ask one shaman, they'll tell you something different from another...

  Today, January 8th, is a heavy day in my world. I found out that a very close aunt of mine passed away. She was like a mother to me and embraced me openly with welcoming arms when I married my husband. It has saddened me so much and my heart is left open with an emptiness that I cannot find a way to fill up. Losing her feels like losing my mother all over again.  23 years ago, I married into this family and she welcomed me so warmly that I never questioned her love. She always had a smile, laughed at my jokes and was present in all I did. Over the years, we grew so much closer when we went on retreats of the Vang family together. There, I saw her not as an aunt, a grandma, but as a woman, who loved, cried and hurt. She showed me what it was like to lose a husband at such a young age, to fight in a community where a woman without a husband was deemed unworthy and how much she truly loved her children to remain their mother for all their lives. I will never forget how she spok...

  Them: A woman should follow orders and not have a mind of her own. Her voice should never be louder than her husband's. A woman should only speak when spoken to and remain compliant in all that she is.  Me: A woman should follow her heart and have her mind as a way to keep her sane. Her voice should be as equal as her husband's. A woman should only speak her heart and never lie to herself and remain confident in all that she is.  Them: A woman should give up her dreams to support her husband. She should remain bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen where her job is to cook, clean and serve her family. Her purpose is to bare children and bless her husband with her love without question.  Me: A woman should give her husband support and dream at the same time to reach her goal. She should remain in heels and pregnant by choice in the house where her job is to give nutrition, blessings and grow her family. Her purpose is to create life with her husband and bless him wit...