Get Into Houa's Mind

Quarantine. Since the beginning of 2020, we've been fighting an invisible virus that has taken so much of the loved ones in our lives. You are not alone when you mourn lost loved ones. Each day, when I open up my social media platforms and I see a "RIP," my heart breaks. This year has been an eye changing year for so many of us and yet, we haven't learned anything.  I have family members who work in the health care fields and they're pleading with their upmost heart felt cries to STAY AT HOME. Hospital beds are filling up fast and when you walk in because you cannot breathe, you won't be treated right away. Beds that are meant for other patients are being taken over by covid patients. It is a frightening time in the world.  I see social platforms as you do and there are those who party like nothing has changed. Each time I am looking across my newsfeed, I am met with their photos of gatherings of more than 10 and enjoying social gatherings like no one is dying...

  Ua siab ntev kuv txiv, thaum kuv tsis nkag siab yam koj hais rau kuv. Kuv yog koj tub, koj yog kuv txiv, tiam si, txhua yam koj hais tawm tej zaum kuv lub siab twb yuav tsis tau tag nrho. Thov koj tus ua txiv, tau taub tias kuv yeej xav ua kom koj zoo siab tshaj plaws, tiam si, vim kuv muaj kuv siab kuv ntsws, kuv yuam tsis tau tag nrho kom tau raws li koj siab nyiam.  Ua siab ntev kuv txiv, thaum kuv tsis nyiam yam koj nyiam mog. Kuv yog koj tub, koj yog kuv txiv, tiam si, wb nyias muaj nyias kev nyiam. Koj txoj kev hauv neej yog dab qhuas kab lig kev cai, ho kuv li yog mus raws lub suab nkauj. Txawm koj tsis pom yam kuv nyiam, thov koj tsis txhob thuam tias kuv ruam yuav tsis tau noj.  Ua siab ntev kuv txiv, thaum kuv loj hlob tsis xav tau yuav poj yuav sev. Vim kuv lub siab tsis tau pom tus kuv nyiam kuv hlub, ces kuv yuam tsis tau kuv lub cev lub siab mus hlub tus koj lub qhov muag pom zoo. Yog kuv yuav xais nws ua kuv tus tab zag, yuav yog wb txawj sib hlub, yog ts...

  It's raining today...outside of my window, I can see the white picket fence of my neighbor's and a squirrel is sitting there, dangling its tail, staring at me. I know winter is coming and so does he. He's preparing for the long winter and collecting what he needs; smart guy. Beyond the neighbor's house is the lush mountain that a week ago was all green and today is looking a mixture of crimson and orange, a flush of beautiful colors announcing the arrival of Autumn and to prove its season is here, scattered on the dying grass are leaves from the trees, reminding me to let go.  This is my new life in a brand new place in a brand new world in a brand new state. I drove the 16 hours with my husband 1,000 miles across the country to a small town called Williamsport, where it is known for lumber and a place where neighbors yell out at you, "Holler if ya'll need me!" I am home. I often wonder why it took me this long to be here.  This new chapter of my life co...

  Los mloog kuv hais...los kawm ntawm kuv...los nyeem kuv lub neej... Nej puas paub yam dab tsi mob siab tshaj plaws? Nej puas paub yam dab tsi tua tau koj ua ntej kev mob kev nkeeg? Qhov ntawm yog kev tu siab, kev khuv xim...rau yus tus kheej, rau yus txoj kev txhaum. Thaum, kuv yeej muaj ib tug tab zag zoo tshaj plaws nrog kuv, muaj lub suab luag nrog luag tej, muaj ib txoj kev zoo siab zoo tshaj luag li. Tiam si, kuv lub qhov muag yuam ke deb heev. Kuv ntshaw kom lub neej zoo, ntshaw kom caum kom cuag luag tej, ntshaw kom kuv muaj ib yam li luag. Kuv rau siab mus khws, rau siab mus caum kom tau kuv tus npau suav. Txhua txhua hnub, txhua txhua hmo, kuv mus tshoo tuag nthi tom hauj lwm, kom tau ib pob nyiaj los ua kuv lub neej kom zoo.  Kuv niaj hnub niaj hmo mus khws, tsis nco qab tias muaj ib tug neeg tseeb ceeb tshaj plaws nyob ntawm kuv ib sab uas kuv muab feeb hlov cia yam nws tsis txawj ntshaw kuv lub xub ntiag, yam kuv tsis nco tias kuv cia nws yoo kuv txoj kev hlub. N...

When my mother lay on her deathbed, she said to me, "Forgive...even in the absence of an apology. You may wonder why I have always been a happy person despite so many people who look down on me. I am happy because I forgive. And so should you." Today, I am beginning a new chapter of in my book of life. It is a chapter that has been heavy because it is filled with hurt and lies...from others. I realized that no matter how far I may go in life, to the person who does not support or love me, they will always see me as someone below them and hate me silently.  That is ok.  My journey in my life is mine alone. If they are to hate me silently, let them hate me silently. Because it does not prevent me from continuing to do all I can do.  We often tread lightly on this subject of forgiveness because most times it involves family members. But today I will tell you that if you continue to hold on to the expectation of an apology, you will find that it will never come. When my mothe...

Thawg zaug kuv ntsib Paj Zaub, kuv lub siab hloov tag ib puas tsam yam. Txij li kuv nco tau, tsis tau pom ib tug poj niam yuav txawj los deev kuv siab li nws deev. Thaum nws luag ntxhi, kuv lub plaws yuav nres. Thaum nws hais lus, kuv saib ntsoov nws daim dis ncauj. Kuv vwm tag. Kuv xav xav paub...tus nws hlub puas yog kuv? Thaum Paj Zaub niam tso nws tseg, es nws quaj yam tu siab nrho hauv kuv xub ntiag, kuv lub ncauj hais tsis tau ib lo lus los pab nws daws kev chim. Kuv tsis tau paub dua tias thaum zoo li no yuav ua cas thiaj li yuav pab tau nws. Kuv sab npab los ua nws chaw so siab thaum nws lub kua muag poob. Kuv xav xav paub...tus nws hlub puas yog kuv?  Thaum Paj Zaub tej phooj ywg tuaj nrog nws ua si ua ke, kuv saib tsis dhuav nws lub me ntsej muag. Thaum nws nrog kuv, nws yog nws ib tug. Tab si, thaum nws nrog lawv, nws txhawv lawm thiab. Kuv tau hnov nws lub suab luag ua rau kuv zoo siab tshaj plaws li. Ua txiv neej ces, xav hnov tus poj niam lub suab luag txhua ...

Lift off...the rush to the other side. As soon as I am there, I can feel a rush of calm and I know I've succeeded. I know where I am. I know what I am dealing with. My guides are never far from me and they make me understand that I must fully embrace what is about to happen.  I become...the entity, a possessed, lost and angry spirit searching for a host to thrive on. I speak in slow, disturbed verses with inhuman sound and I reek of death.  I become...the savior, a pure unified being with a sword made from iron and a white horse with wings. I speak in ancient dialect with veiled magic and I am full of life.  I become...the lost, a broken, fragile misplaced soul searching for the footprints to return home. I speak of tears, of pain, of guilt and of hurt. I am empty.  Return...return home, warrior. Ride the white horse, gather your sword and be invisible as you travel. Cross the threshold of life and don't let the dead claim what is rightfully not theirs....