Get Into Houa's Mind

A year and 3 months ago, I lost my mother to lung cancer. At 3:07 AM, I watched as my mother took her last breath. I didn't know if I could survive going through it again. I still had my father, who was my world, to give light to me. Then on Sunday, February 25th, at 8:10 PM, I and along with my siblings, watched as my father took his last breath. In one instant, I was back to square one where I fought to not go crazy. I remember my chest constricted and all I wanted to do was just fall and weep until I had no more strength. I did just that, weep until I felt my limbs give in. The pain of losing my father was just too much and I felt the light that was shining disappear. Where will I be if I was to face this world alone? Both parents gone within a year of each other. Kuv txiv thiab kuv niam, cas ib pliag xwb, peb cia li ua ntsuag tag nrho tsis muaj niam tsis muaj txiv los hu. Yuav muab neb nco mus txog hnub twg? Neb tus ntsuj duab yuav nyob hauv siab tsis ploj. Kua muag niaj ...

Where do I begin to tell you how scared I am? How do I choose the right words to really describe to you how I feel? This moment that I am in is like walking on thin ice. I'm not sure when it will crack and if I will survive. The hardest thing right now is trying to stay strong when all I want to do is break apart. When a loved one falls ill, all you can think of is how to remain strong when crying is all you want to do. My father has been ill for the past few weeks and as the hours come to days, the hardest question we all ask has been answered. And while we all hold hands to try to stay strong, our hearts may break yet again into the new year of 2018. Reality of this horror is too much of a replay of losing my mother. And it's only been a year ago that this has left us all in tears. The world can be cruel and can be unjust. Today, this moment, it is both brutally and it has left us trying to find a sense of peace when none exists. I just want to say thank you to those who ...

Tiv tshav ntuj kub lug nyob ntawm kuv niam lub nraub qaum, hws tws si liam, plab quaj ua vig ua voog. Daim nyias kuv niam muab los ev kuv dai kuv nrog kuv niam mus ua teb. Hnov kuv niam ua ib pas suab loj suab me, txog siav zim, los kuv niam ob txhais tes khws twj ywm. Cua tuaj ib nplawg, kuv hnov txias zias ua kuv luag yam lom zem zis. Kuv niam siv daim nyias ev kuv tiv tshav mus ua teb, mus ua kuv niam luag dhau tej hav zoov nyuj txeeg, muaj wb ob leeg. Hnov kuv niam lub su ... ab kwv txhiaj nrov yam kho siab zim thoob ntiaj teb. Daim nyias muaj kuv tus ntxhiab cog nrog kuv niam tus. Kuv niam siv daim nyias ev kuv loj hlob, hnub kuv sawv kev mus ua nkauj nyab, kuv niam muab faj rau kuv mus ev kuv tus me nyuam. Muab nthuav los saib, los hnia, tseem hnov kuv niam tus ntxhiab cog rau tej me paj ntaub paj xov cuag li kuv niam tseem ev nraim kuv.

It's September! Wow! I felt as if the year had just begun and now it's already almost to the new year of 2018. So much has happened and as much as I try to gather together myself, I am still awed at how fast life can be. I am currently back in school going for my AA in Project Management. I'm enjoying the classes so far. I am almost to the final exam of my second class and I'm doing well. I decided that if I really want to take my business to the next level, I must find it within myself to get the right education to help me move along the path. And returning to school was my only option to get to where I want to be. I have no regrets. I'm currently 32 weeks along and today I have my final ultrasound to see my baby girl. I'm super excited and I can't wait until she's in my arms. I didn't realize how strong my baby fever was until this past weekend at a birthday party and I held another small baby (3 months) in my arms. I missed the entire feeling an...

Karina, my eldest, graduated from high school last Friday, on my birthday too. As I watched her walk across the stage to receive her diploma, I felt such a sense of accomplishment, not only for her, but for me and my husband too. For 18 years, we supported, guided, and nurtured her in her education to become a graduate of high school. I felt a little bit emotional as I watched her because this meant, she was really going to fly away from the nest. I now have a graduate living in my house and as the new school year will arrive, I will have two young sons going one grade higher and two more preparing for school. I will also be delivering my sixth child into this world. For a long time, I had given up on the fact that I may just have an only child. It was hard for me and I gave up having more than one. But the Gods blessed me and I now am going to be a mother of six, the number of kids I so wanted. Life is full of struggles. I'm always struggling to make ends meet, but at least I ...

I'm hitting the 3 month mark and I'm still feeling the first trimester exhaustion, morning sickness, and mood changes. I'm truly blessed that I'm expecting again and I can't wait to see my body change to fit the life growing inside of me. I take a look at my children and am thankful for them each and every day. Yes, for the past 8 years, I've been doing diaper changes, bottle washing, and a child on my hip at all times. But I wouldn't change it for anything. I remembered once in a time where I thought I would never have another child. I yearned for it, I cried for it, and I prayed and prayed. I am sending all couples who are struggling with infertility this hope to never give up. I hope that you will one day be carrying a child too.

March is almost gone and April is approaching. Can you believe in two more months, it'll be halfway through 2017? Didn't it seem like we just celebrated new years? I sure felt like it was. This year is another year growing older for me and the first birthday and mother's day where I face without my mother. But I've come to learn that she's always with me if I truly believe she is. So in another word, it'll be the first birthday and mother's day where I will spend it with her spiritually. I know she's here...in her own way. Houa Production is kicking off strong this year. We are halfway through filming our second feature length film and just released our first short film titled Ob Txiv Tub, which got major hits and raves. I'm super excited and I can't wait to see what else is in store. On another note, did I mention that I started dancing again? Yeah! After a 20 year absence from the dance floor, our line dance team is burning the floor. It st...